


Walk Light Down the Wires

by dharmaavocado



Category: Pacific Rim (2013), Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Pacific Rim Fusion, Character Death, F/F, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-02-25
Updated: 2016-12-01
Packaged: 2018-05-23 05:30:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 66,537
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6106423
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dharmaavocado/pseuds/dharmaavocado
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In the end drifting was a choice you made.  You chose to reach out to another person, to let them into your head, let them see everything you were, every stupid, embarrassing, wonderful flaw that made you human.</p><p>A Pacific Rim AU</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Title from the Mountain Goats song _Linda Blair was Born Innocent._

In the end the Marshal came to him. He was still in the med bay, bandages laid over the burns on his right arm. The pain meds dulled the twinges along the muscle, but it did nothing for the constant, empty echoing in Poe’s head.

There was no escape from the monitoring, the endless push of the psych staff and their questions, and he knew he was frustrating everyone with his pauses, how it took him too long to connect thoughts, leaving silence to slowly unspool like thread from a spindle. And then he realized it was because he was waiting for Ben to jump in, take over for when Poe couldn’t find the right words. Ben always knew when Poe needed a moment to gather his thoughts, deftly stepping in until Poe felt steady enough to continue.

But Poe was alone now, the first time in years he didn’t feel that awareness in the back of his mind. There was no one there now to sit beside him through the debrief, no one to know him as thoroughly as it was possible to be known.

It was too much, and Poe bowed underneath the weight, a smothering thing that left him breathless and tired.

“Out,” the Marshal said, and Poe couldn’t even bear to look up as the room emptied.

“Ranger Dameron,” Organa said, and then when he tried to twitch to attention, softer, “Poe.” Carefully, as if he was a feral animal, Organa sat across from him. “Poe,” she repeated

He lifted his head, and Leia Organa, a calm, fixed point in all the madness, said, “I know, but I need you here.”

“I can’t,” Poe gasped out. Ben’s loss felt like a snapped suspension cable, and every time Poe tried to latch onto it, it sliced deep and ugly through his hand. “How do you live like this?”

She was the only one who understood how it felt, like he was teetering on the edge of a great precipice, and any moment he would fall in, and he would not crawl out.

“It’s kinder when you go together,” she said. “But we’ve been left behind, and we have to continue on.”

Poe forced himself to meet her gaze, steady as it always was, but now he understood the distance she kept, the heaviness she carried in her, for he held it now, too.

“Ben,” he said. “He was—”

Ben had known they weren’t going to win, even before Poe did, and his thoughts were frantic beats against Poe’s mind, jumbled images of his father and mother, and the sudden, fierce need to keep Poe safe.

When the kaiju had ripped open Rebel’s heart, Ben had looked at him, his mind a calm silence at last.The last thought Poe ever felt from him, as Ben turned Rebel, putting his side in the way of the kaiju’s open jaw, was _Poe_ and then _Mom,_ and then that terrible wrenching emptiness.

Poe slid Rebel’s knife into the kaiju, took Rebel to shore, and then collapsed, his mind still trying to find his drift partner.

“I know,” the Marshal said, and she did. She outlived her husband, her son, and, for all intents and purposes, her brother. “You can always find him in the drift.”

And as Poe wept, empty and alone, she added, “I need you here, Dameron. Do you hear me? _I need you here._ ”

“I’m here,” he said, the words yanked from him. “God, I’m still here.”

She waved someone in, and this time Poe didn’t struggle as they injected him with a sedative, his body a weary weight he let slip away. As he gave in, Leia cupped his face in the same way she did Ben’s, a memory Poe experienced countless times in the drift, and touched her lips to his forehead.

“You have to stay, Poe,” she said. “You’re all that’s left of my son.”

And, finally, Poe slept.


	2. Chapter 2

The mess was mostly empty this early, save for those coming off second shift and those like Poe who gave up having a lie-in years ago. The good thing was that Poe could grab an entire pot of coffee without anyone challenging him to a fight. He swiped three mugs and made his way to the corner with the perpetually burned out light, which Snap and Jess claimed as their own.

“Morning,” he greeted.

Jess, slumped onto Snap’s shoulder, grunted and made grabby hands until Poe sighed and slid a full mug of coffee her way.

“Hey,” Snap said, ripping open several sugar packets and dumping it into Jess’ mug before she could take a sip. When she opened one eye, he sighed and poured in a lot of cream. “You’re disgusting, you know that? This barely counts as coffee.”

“Sh,” she chided. “So loud. No talking.”

Poe did find it impressive how Jess could drink her coffee without lifting her head from Snap’s shoulder without spilling any of it. The one time Ben had tried it, Poe ended up in medical getting burn cream for his chest. Ben laughed the entire time.

“Long night?” he asked.

“Goddamn cheap bastards,” Jess grumbled.

Poe looked to Snap, who said, “Apparently the material they sent for repairs does not meet Ranger Pava’s strict standards. And if you start another lecture on tensile strength and alloy mixture I will pour this coffee on your head.”

“Like you’re any better,” she retorted. “I was about to smother you with a pillow when you wouldn’t shut up about subroutines. No one cares.”

Knowing they could both go on for hours when they fell into a rhythm, Poe said, “Any word about Jaeger production?”

Jess pushed herself upright. “We’re still getting in parts for Rebel and Falcon, but otherwise I haven’t been brought in for any new projects. Anything on the academy?”

“We have a few recruits,” Poe said, accepting the plate of cold eggs Snap passed him. “There’s been no official start date set.”

“Any drift candidates?” Snap asked, and Poe shook his head.

There were a few hopefuls there, but there was no telltale spark. Maybe there would be some compatibility matches within the group, but Poe couldn’t muster much confidence for it.

“I’ve been shut out of the funding talks,” he said.

“Aw, shit,” Snap said. “That’s not a good sign. I heard Lima’s being shut down.”

“Auckland will be next,” Jess predicted. “Raptor Nocturne is too far gone to repair. She’s being broken up for parts.”

Poe had seen what was left of her, dragged onto shore when he and the marshal went for the service for her pilots. She had been ripped limb from limb, the entire back shredded under Sharkhead's claws. Her pilots put it down before the kaiju could make landfall, and for that New Zealand had covered the shores in flowers and candles in remembrance of their service.

“That leaves, what, seven Jaegers in commission?” Snap asked.

“Six,” Poe corrected. “Gold Leader’s core burned out, and Antilles can’t pilot anymore.”

“They’re pouring more money into the Wall,” Snap said.

“That’ll fucking stop the kaiju,” Jess said. “Sure, they’re giant monsters bent on killing us all, but a really big wall, that’s got to be demoralizing, right? Who wants to try to climb that shit?”

“To be fair,” Poe said, “that would stop you.”

“Hey,” Jess protested, elbowing Snap when he started to laugh. “Making us climb a wall in training was useless. We’re in giant robots. We literally can step over it.”

“Which was the speech you gave,” Poe pointed out.

“It was very moving,” Snap added.

“Fuck both of you,” she said, holding her mug out for more coffee. Poe obligingly refilled it for her.

The mess was just starting to fill up when BB came rushing over, hands moving so quickly that Poe couldn’t keep up.

 _“Slow down,”_ Poe said signed as xe came to a stumbling stop.

 _“Marshal Organa wants to see you,”_ BB said. “ _Is that coffee?”_

“No,” Snap said, and pulled the carafe away before BB could do more than reach for it.

 _“Sorry, pal”,_ Poe signed, _“we all remember what happened last time we gave you caffeine.”_ BB scowled. “ _Why does the Marshal want to see me? Is it urgent?”_

 _“An assignment,”_ BB answers. “ _Me and you.”_

Poe raised his eyebrows. BB was without a doubt one of the best they had, but xe wasn’t sent off base a lot. BB’s talents were best utilized in LOCCENT, but Poe knew how Organa had xyr working on a project to enhance the Kaiju Detection System and analyzing the latest attacks.

“Well, let’s not keep her waiting,” he said, signing it for BB. “I’ll see you later.”

Jess lifted on hand in acknowledgement while Snap said, “Don’t forget about the ops meeting we have later.”

 _“With any luck,”_ he signed to BB as they made their way to the center of the shatterdome and Organa’s office, “ _we’ll be away for that.”_

BB nodded, darting ahead of Poe and then waiting impatiently for him to catch up. Poe grinned, snagging a hold of BB before xe could run off again, smiling at BB’s indignant huff before xe allowed Poe to wrap an arm around xyr shoulders.

BB was older than xe looked, which wasn’t hard since, as Jess was fond of pointing out, xe looked twelve, but Poe worried. BB was brilliant and enthusiastic, and never paid attention to where xe was going half the time, always distracted by whatever xyr big brain was turning over. Poe lived in perpetual fear of BB wandering off and getting lost.

Outside the marshal’s door, Poe looked to her aide, who said, “She’s finished a call with the council. It’ll be a minute.”

“Bad news?” Poe asked.

“When is it ever good?” Connix responded. She looked at her tablet. “You can go on in.”

Poe didn’t bother with knocking, hadn’t in years. There was a time when he was young and wet behind the ears that even the mere thought of the marshal had him snapping to attention, but that was before time had tempered hero worship into respect.

“Good morning,” he said. There was another coffee carafe sitting on the corner of Organa’s desk, and so Poe poured her a cup, adding milk to it. He didn’t take a cup for himself, because she basically drank battery acid and he happened to like the lining of his stomach.

“Morning, Poe,” she said, smiling in thanks as he passed the cup over. “Morning, BB.”

Poe obligingly signed for her. Like most everyone in the ‘dome, Organa had picked up sign language fairly quickly, but for meetings like this it was easier if Poe took over translation.

“Trouble with the council?” Poe asked.

Organa sighed, and for a moment she looked weary. There was that iconic image of her at Han Solo’s memorial service, standing straight and tall, Ben at her side, as an empty casket was placed into the ground. She looked tragic but determined, resolute.

Poe’s paternal grandmother liked to talk about the archangels, how they were implacable and absolute. But he always privately thought that not even the Voice of God had anything on Marshal Leia Organa.

Of course, Poe knew the truth, saw it in the drift with Ben. How Leia held Ben’s hand so tight through it that his knuckles were bruised, how afterwards she had sat with him on his bed and together they cried. And then she had wiped her eyes, kissed Ben on the forehead, made dinner, and returned to the shatterdome as a Category III made it inside the Miracle Mile.

Leia Organa was absolute like those archangels, but she was human, and for that Poe loved her unconditionally.

“Los Angles is being closed,” she said.

“Auckland next?” Poe asked.

“The kiwis are fighting it, but Raptor Nocturne was their last Jaeger.”

 _“That just leaves Sydney,”_ BB said. “ _They can’t carry that load.”_

Organa raised her eyebrows, and Poe said, “Their Wall is on schedule to be completed in the next six months.”

She nodded.

 _“The wall is bullshit!”_ BB signed, movements sharp and almost shaking. “ _The specs were based on the Category I’s. It could withstand Trespasser, and maybe a Category II, but something like Mutavore could break through within hours.”_ Poe didn’t wince, but BB suddenly signed, small, “ _Sorry, Poe.”_

 _“It’s fine,”_ he answered.

BB made a face and knocked his ankle into Poe’s.

“What other options are there?” Organa said. “We’re down to less than a dozen Jaegers—”

“Six,” Poe said quietly.

“Six,” she corrected. “Recruitment is down thirteen percent, despite your contributions.” There the corner of her mouth quirked up.

That damn poster. Poe was never going to live it down. Jess had one framed and Snap had it hung in the Kwoon room. Somewhere Ben was laughing his skinny ass off.

“And based on how they kicked me out of budget meetings,” Poe said, “I’m guessing we’re not going to have the academy for much longer.”

“We have enough money for one more class,” Organa said. “I got that much out of the old bastards.”

BB made a sad noise, folding within xemself.

Poe scrubbed a hand through his hair, unaccountably tired. “And production?” he asked.

“All further production of new Jaegers has been halted,” Organa said. “We’ll have enough to keep repairing what we have.”

 _“Rebel?”_ BB asked. “ _Falcon?”_

Poe reached out, took Organa’s hand. She squeezed his fingers and said, “Don’t worry. I’ll see them back on their feet.”

“What do you need from us?” Poe asked.

Organa leaned back, looking faintly apologetic. “The anniversary of Trespasser is coming up.”

Fatalistically, Poe said, “I suppose you’re too busy and Statura has prior commitments?”

“He’s being moved to Hong Kong. That doesn’t leave this room right now.”

 _“They’re closing Tokyo?”_ BB signed. “ _But that’s the closest to the Breach! They can’t do that!”_

“They can,” Organa said. “And Tokyo’s Wall—”

“Is almost complete,” Poe finished. “I thought the Japanese would refuse, especially what happened with Onibaba.”

“They’ve lost more rangers than any other shatterdome,” Organa said. “They’re tired. We all are.”

“Do I have to give a speech?” Poe said, giving in to the inevitable.

“No. You just show up and look pretty.”

“Please don’t put me on any more posters,” he pleaded, and finally Organa smiled.

“With that strong jaw, I make no promises.” She sipped her coffee. “You’re going to tour San Francisco’s Wall.”

Poe glanced over at BB. “Am I making nice?”

“Yes. I need that famous Bey charm. We need to be seen playing well with others.”

“Of course.” Poe glanced at BB. “And while I’m doing that BB is going to be where?”

Organa’s eyebrows lifted just so. “Xe’ll be in the bone slums. Maz has a contact there. I need this to be kept secret,” she added when Poe went to protest. “Xe needs older samples, and of the few left one’s kept there.”

“With the scavengers,” Poe said. Maz he trusted, but the rest, well, Plutt operating outside Anchorage was one good example about what as a whole the scavengers were like.

“We need to figure out why the warning system is no longer working as it did. BB thinks it has to do with the kaiju themselves.”

 _“It was effective with Category I and II’s,”_ BB explained, movements quick and fast, reminding Poe of a hummingbird. “ _It wasn’t until Category III’s it started malfunctioning, and then with the Category IV’s we’re barely detecting fluctuations from the Breach itself, and we’re not picking up kaiju until they’re practically in the Miracle Mile.”_

“And why do you need old samples?” Poe asked.

_“It was something Dr. Artoo said.”_

Poe bit back a groan. While Dr. Artoo and Dr. Threepio were beyond the doubt the best in their field, their bickering was legendary. Poe, who knew Jess and Snap for years, couldn’t stand to be in the room with them for more than an hour without wanting to strangle them both.

He once saw Threepio painstakingly laying tape down the middle of the lab he shared with Artoo, marking their separate spaces. When Poe dared to suggest they could just get their own labs, he was treated with both Threepio and Artoo turning on him. The resultant scolding left with him a headache and a healthy need to avoid them at all costs.

BB loved them, and the two scientists basically spoiled xyr. Hell, they taught themselves sign language to include xyr, although Poe privately thought it was so they could both complain about the other to their one willing audience.

 _“Dr. Artoo pointed out that over the course of the war,”_ BB continued after giving Poe a stern look, _“the kaiju have been adapting themselves to our environment. Compare Trespasser to Sharkhead. Trespasser was basically a tank, designed to do the maximize damage. Sharkhead was specialized, adapted to the water and equipped with physical attacks that seemed tailored specifically to Raptor Nocturne.”_

“And you think this has to do with how the system is less effective,” Poe said.

BB nodded. _“But I need biological samples to compare. Dr. Threepio was very specific about gathering evidence to support my hypothesis.”_

“All right,” Poe said. “I don’t like leaving you alone, BB.”

BB flapped one hand dismissively.

“It can’t be helped,” Organa said.

“I know,” Poe said. “Last days of war.”

Organa inclined her head slightly in agreement. It was another thing on a very long list the PPDC didn’t talk about but everyone knew: in the next year the war would be over, one way or another.

“Anything else, Marshal?” Poe asked, standing.

“Just one.” Her smile briefly went wicked, and her hands moved in slow, sure signs. “Take the jacket.”

Poe tipped his head backwards as BB chortled merrily beside him. Ben Organa could be such a shit, and it was quite a shock when Poe learned Ben got it from his mother and not father.

“Yes, Marshal,” he said, long suffering. “Of course, Marshal.”

“Dismissed, Dameron,” Organa said.

And Poe slunk out before she could smirk at him. Ben got that from her as well, and nothing was worse than a smirking Organa. But maybe, if the stories his mother told were true, it might be a Bey weakness to them. Neither he nor his mother were ever able to deny Leia Organa anything.

 

 

 

The PPDC might be falling out of favor with the council, but it still had some sway. He and BB caught a flight early the next morning. It wasn’t anything as glamorous as a private jet, but one of the smaller planes used to transport pilots to drop zones outside of their assigned shatterdomes. Back when their numbers were strong and they were winning more often than not, Black Rebel was part of two or three Jaeger drops. He had spent more time than he’d like to account for on a plane like this, going over the information LOCCENT sent, studying up on the other Jaeger’s fighting style, all while Ben would inevitably doze off on his shoulder.

BB, perhaps sensing the turn his thoughts took, kicked him in the ankle, and looked meaningfully at the tablet Poe held. It contained the itinerary for the next three days, and Poe obediently studied it.

“Well, shit,” he sighed, and when BB kicked his ankle, adding, _“Sorry, sorry. Hux is apparently overseeing my little trip to the Wall.”_

BB made a face. _“Please do not pick a fight with him. But if you do you should punch him in his stupid nose.”_

 _“I never picked a fight,”_ Poe said, which was, strictly speaking, true. It was Ben who did that. God, Hux hated Ben so much, and nothing delighted Ben more.

BB raised xyr eyebrows, looking supremely unimpressed.

 _“You’re thinking of Jess,”_ Poe replied. _“And don’t think I don’t remember that time in Sydney.”_

BB scowled and then made a great show of turning xyr attention back to xyr tablet. Poe bit back a smile. That one tech in Sydney made a mistake of questioning BB’s work, and by the time Poe intervened, the poor man looked like he had been dragged backwards through a bush.

They set down just before seven, and Poe had enough time to change into his dress uniform before he and BB were ushered to the service, where Poe took up position behind the mayor and the president and the few council members who showed.

It was, Poe thought absently as he listened to another speech, nice to get out of the Icebox. San Francisco was bright and practically boiling compared to Alaska, although it still bore the scars of Trespasser twenty years on. The Golden Gate Bridge was never rebuilt, instead turned into a memorial for all who were lost in those four long days.

The service was held at the base of the bridge, far from the bone slums and the rest of the decaying city. Like most coastal cities, the privileged had abandoned it, fleeing inward and forcing the less privileged to the ravages of the coast.

Poe did his part through the speeches, kept his gaze steady and strong, bowing his head at the right moments, looking resolute and humble by turns, but he couldn’t forget all these political figures would leave, and then people of San Francisco would be left with a crashing economy and the empty promise of the Wall.

He hadn’t been in the city a day and he had been stopped on the street more times than he could count. Not surprising really. He and Ben were often drafted for publicity appearances: Ben Organa, the son of the original pilots of Millennium Falcon, and Poe Dameron, who had piloting in the blood. Ben hated it, and Poe did as well, although he was always better at hiding it.

And then Ben died, and there was a photograph of the funeral, of him standing next to Leia, his head bent towards her, her grip tight on his arm so he didn’t collapse. It was about as iconic as her and Ben at Han Solo’s service. He didn’t remember that moment or anything of that day or the days that followed. It was him, alone, until Leia and BB dragged him back.

And now when people come up to him, it wasn’t to ask for autographs or take selfies, but to thank him, quietly, touching his arm and moving on. It was like how when the Jaegers, broken and dying, made it back to land, and before the PPDC retrieved them they were enshrined in flowers and candles and charms. Downed kaiju were scraped clean for any useful bit, but the Jaegers were protected and mourned.

And here, where it all started, Poe was given comfort from strangers, and that empty space in his head that was Ben ached a little less at the kindness and the shared grief.

When it was over, when Poe finished smiling and shaking hands, finally stopped playing the part of the roguish pilot that was never a good fit, BB signed, _“I hate them.”_

 _“I know, buddy,”_ Poe answered. They’ve been put up in nice hotel, although Poe insisted on one near the ocean. He was a ranger through and through, and he wouldn’t feel right without a view of the water.

 _“It won’t stop the kaiju,”_ BB continued, slicing xyr hand through the air for “kaiju.”

BB’s story was terribly familiar: family poisoned by kaiju blue in the wake of an attack, and xe made xyr way to the academy, where xe enrolled and excelled. Poe met xyr then, and during leave took BB home with him, to the house his parents built. With xyr deep brown skin and xry riot of curls, BB could very well be a Bey, and was immediately adopted into the family.

Funny thing was, BB never liked Ben. Oh, they tolerated each other for Poe’s sake, but Poe knew as soon as he left the room they’d be spitting like cats at one another. Ben made sure to learn just enough sign language to insult BB, and in turn BB took speech classes better to explain how terrible Ben really was.

But BB cried over Ben, hitching sobs that Poe hadn’t known how to soothe. And then BB had taken him home and moved into Poe’s bunk, and didn’t leave his side for the first six months, always signing, over and over, _“You cannot leave. He wanted you to stay. You will stay,”_ until Poe finally listened.

 _“We’ll keep going,”_ Poe promised xyr. _“We won’t ever leave them alone to face this.”_

 _“We’ll stop them,”_ BB signed. _“I’ll make sure of it.”_

Poe pulled xyr into a hug. One way or another, he reminded himself, it was going to end before the year was out.

 

 

 

 _“You have your phone?”_ Poe asked.

BB huffed, pulling his phone from his pocket and waving it in Poe’s face. _“I’m not a child,”_ BB signed.

 _“I’m know,”_ Poe answered. _“I’m sorry. I just worry. We don’t know anything about your contact.”_

 _“Maz vouched for them,”_ B’B answered. _“I’ll be fine.”_

 _“Check in every two hours,”_ Poe said.

BB rolled xyr eyes but nodded. _“You’re going to be late. And don’t forget the jacket.”_

Poe groaned as BB flashed a smile and darted out the door. Poe restrained himself from chasing after xyr. BB was an adult, a LOCCENT officer, more than capable of taking care of xemself, but Poe worried, couldn’t help it. It was how he was built.

There was a car coming to take him to the Wall, and so he grabbed his jacket on the way out. Back in the heyday of the PPDC most pilots had bomber jackets, their Jaegers name printed on the back. It started with the Mark I pilots before spreading throughout the entire program. Most famous of all was Han Solo, strutting in that leather jacket in every publicity photo, infamous smirk firmly in place.

Ben had loved his jacket, Black Rebel picked out in the back, trying to copy his father’s swaggering walk. Poe liked it well enough, wore it whenever they did interviews or sent out on a drop. Privately, he thought it was some bravado bullshit, but by then it was such a hallmark of the program that no ranger would be seen without it.

And then they started dying, Ben the first of their generation. It was Organa who rescued Ben’s jacket from the trash Poe threw it in, Rebel’s name ripped from the back.

“You’ll want this one day,” she said, and carefully hung it back in his closet. Han’s still hung in her office, a secret only Poe knew about it.

And she was right. He did want it, if for nothing else it made jobs like this easier. The iconic look of a ranger, it put people at ease, comforted them when any sort of comfort was in short order these days.

So Poe wore Ben’s jacket, straightened under the history of it, and went out to where the car was waiting.

The Wall loomed over the city, a lurking presence that Poe hated. It was slower going in Alaska, having to abandon most of the construction in winter, but here, with the history of K-day soaked into every block, the Wall was suffocating.

“Sir,” the driver said as they pulled up in front of the temporary construction housing. To the left Poe could see the long line for work for ration site. Already people were being turned away. There was a slow bloom of warmth behind his eyes, and Poe rubbed the bridge of his nose. The last thing he needed was a stress headache.

“Thank you,” Poe said belatedly, and got out of the car to be met by Hux.

Poe carefully schooled his expression into polite professionalism. “Hux,” he said, hand extended.

“Marshal,” Hux answered. Their handshake lasted just long enough to remain cordial. “What brings you to the Wall?”

“We are, of course, working together to protect the people from the kaiju threat,” Poe said, putting just enough sincerity in his voice to make Hux suspiciously eye him. “I’m here to show PPDC’s commitment to the Wall of Life program.”

“And we appreciate it,” Hux said, his tone of voice conveying the exact opposite. His gaze flicked down to Poe’s jacket and then back up, corners of his mouth tightening.

Poe just smiled. Even dead, Ben was still pissing Hux off. Nice legacy, pal, Poe thought.

“I suppose you would like a tour?” Hux said.

“I would love one,” Poe said.

“This way, Marshal.”

“I noticed,” Poe said as they made their way to the main hub, “the line for the work for ration.”

“We’re one of the few sites that offer it,” Hux said evenly. “And it keeps them fed.”

There was an implied insult there, but Poe let it go. “How many are turned away?” he asked.

For just a moment, Hux’s shoulders gently curved inward. “Too many,” he finally said. “We can only justify so many working on this. Despite what the PPDC thinks our funds aren’t bottomless.”

“We never thought they were,” Poe said. “I meant no insult. I was just trying to gauge how bad it’s gotten. Like you said, it keeps people fed.”

If Hux was surprised by his words, he didn’t show it. Instead, he straightened again, once more the untouchable asshole Poe dealt with over the years. If Ben were here, he would be needling Hux incessantly, grinning like it was all a game, antagonizing the head of the Wall of Life program. Poe would do his best to rein Ben in, but there was only so much even he could do when Ben got in one of those moods.

He didn’t want to think this would go smoother with Ben gone, but the thought crept in anyway. It wasn’t a betrayal, exactly. Hell, he and Ben fought about Ben’s behavior. Being drift compatible meant you were in each other’s heads, but that didn’t mean you always had to like the other person.

Hux led him into the main hub, and Poe smiled at the workers, a few pausing long enough to stare curiously, clearly recognizing him, but most continued on to their work station.

“This is the forewoman,” Hux said, and a short woman with gunmetal gray hair stepped forward. “Dasha Promenti.”

“A pleasure to meet you,” Poe said, giving his most charming smile.

She raised her eyebrows and said, dry, “I’ll bet. Well, if you gentlemen want to grab a hat and follow me we’ll get this over with. Some of us have actual work to do.”

Poe liked her immensely.

It was the standard tour, one he had been on enough times before that he knew when to look politely interested and when to ask questions. Promenti must have known this, because more than once she just waved a hand instead of explaining any part of the construction.

“Like you both haven’t heard this a hundred times by now,” she said.

“I have to admit,” Poe answered, “so far you are by far my favorite tour guide. I’m going to recommend you handle all of the important VIP visits from now on.”

“You may be a global hero,” she said, “but don’t think I won’t arrange an accident if you do.”

Poe laughed as Hux sighed and said, “If you’ll excuse me, there’s a matter that needs my attention.”

When he was out of hearing, Poe said, “Do you mind if I find a quiet corner? You’ll be able to get real work done.”

“Suit yourself,” she said. “There’s a break area to the left.”

“Thank you,” he said, and she just waved him away, already turning and barking orders.

It was easy enough to dodge around the workers, watching out for stray sparks from welding, careful to stay out of everyone’s way. It was a goddamn relief to finally make it to the break room, although room was perhaps being generous. It was more of an alcove, a line of microwaves against one wall, a few fridges on the other, and one lone television bolted in the corner, turned to a news station replaying clips from yesterday’s memorial.

And, yes, there it was, the close up of him. Becoming the public figure for the PPDC had long since inured Poe to the sight of his own face. It had been surreal at first, seeing himself on the news, on magazine covers, in the newspaper, all over the internet, but now it was commonplace.

As the camera zoomed in, Poe braced himself because, sure enough, they brought up the footage of Rebel lying broken and inert on the beach, and then a cut to that fucking picture from the funeral. There was tons of footage from the past, promotional pictures of Rebel, footage from their drops, even old interviews he and Ben did, but they always went for the easy, cheap emotional manipulation.

And for just a moment Poe was just so damn tired.

“Oh, um, sorry, didn’t know anyone was in here.”

Poe straightened, automatically pulling up a smile even as he felt that strange flash of warmth at the base of skull.

“Just needed a moment,” Poe said, turning and pushing the hardhat off.

“Oh,” the man said, and Poe swallowed the urge to echo that sentiment.

The man was about his height, maybe just a little bit taller, dark skin, short hair, a sweet, open face. And Poe could feel that strange warmth slip slow like honey down his spine. _Oh._

“I’m Poe Dameron,” Poe said.

“I know,” the man said, still staring. “You’re sort of on posters.”

Poe groaned, scrubbed a hand over his face. “I really hate that poster,” he said. “I honestly don’t know why they had me do it.”

The man made a strangled noise. “Seriously?” he said, and gestured to all of Poe.

“Well, that’s flattering.”

“I’m just gonna stop talking,” the man said, and Poe could feel that, his flush of embarrassment.

“What’s your name?” Poe asked.

“Finn. Just Finn,” he added at Poe’s look. “I’m just,” he jerked a thumb at the door behind him, backing up.

Without thinking, Poe reached out, took Finn’s wrist. Finn startled, eyes going wide.

“Sorry,” Poe said, carefully letting go. “I gotta say, right now is the best time I’ve been having all day.”

Finn’s eyebrows rose. “Yeah, it must be so hard to be the beloved hero.” He glanced meaningfully at the television, which of course was now replaying the drop he had in the Bay over five years ago.

“So that’s a little bit embarrassing,” Poe admitted.

“Oh, yeah, definitely. Nothing more embarrassing than having your heroic exploits shown on live television.”

“It is a heavy burden,” he agreed.

Finn smiled and ducked his head. “Look, I just came to grab some coffee,” he waved a hand over to the coffee maker. “I got get back up on the Wall.”

Poe took in Finn’s rigging, the heavy leather gloves tucked into his belt, and the totally inadequate shirt. “You work up top?” he asked. “Guess you’re not afraid of heights.”

Finn went to the counter, busied himself pouring coffee into a thermos. “It’s not so bad as long as you’re clipped in. Plus, you get extra rations.” As if realizing what he admitted to, Finn hunched his shoulders. “We don’t really get breaks. I need to go.”

That warm glow was still there in the back of his head and Poe, desperate, said, “Wait.”

Finn paused, glancing over, and Poe realized he had nothing to follow that up with that wasn’t _please come to Alaska, we have better coffee._

For once, he was almost glad Ben wasn’t around, if only because he wanted to live this down at some point.

“You need something?” Finn finally asked.

“Yes,” Poe said firmly. “Can you help me find Promenti? I’m afraid I got turned around in here.”

Finn hesitated a moment, and Poe tried to look charmingly pathetic. It must have worked because Finn shrugged and said, “Sure, come on,” which was when the Kaiju Alarm went off.

“Is that…?” Finn asked.

The television was already airing the warning, telling everyone to get to the underground shelters immediately. That only happened when a kaiju made it inside the Miracle Mile, and at that point a Jaeger would have been dropped to intercept it. They should have had an hour’s notice or—

“Oh, shit,” said Poe.

“What?” Finn asked.

“This is bad,” Poe said, quickly pulling out his phone.

“Yeah, kind of got that from the alarm,” Finn snapped.

It didn’t take long to connect to LOCCENT, Snap’s face too close to the screen before he suddenly pushed backwards.

“Category IV,” Snap said, glancing over briefly before spinning his chair to another display. “Codename Siren. Scarlet Rapier’s on the way from Los Angeles. Should be able to intercept before it makes shore.”

“What happened to our system?” Poe asked. “Why don’t we have warning?”

“It looks like our sensors at the Breach went down,” Snap said. “Could be an EMP pulse. We don’t know. The bastard then went deep, like it was trying to hide from radar.”

“Wait, an EMP?” Finn said. “But that would be mean this was planned, right? The kaiju can plan things now?”

“Who’s that?” Snap asked.

“Don’t worry about it,” said Poe. “The GPS in BB’s phone still working?”

“So far,” Snap answered. “Xe’s in the bone slums as of now. Where are you?”

“The Wall.”

“Shit. If it doesn’t change trajectory, it’s headed that way. Poe, you gotta get—”

“I know,” Poe said. “The Marshal?”

“She’s sending Black Squadron down to help get eyes on it. She’s coordinating with LA right now. Nova’s on deck.”

“I’ll check back in an hour if I can,” said Poe. “Keep tracking BB. Let me know if xyr status changes.”

Snap nodded and Poe tucked the phone back away. Finn was staring at him, breathing a little quickly, but seemed pretty together so far.

“Hey, buddy,” Poe said gently. “Is there a shelter on site?”

Finn shook himself. “Yeah, people should be heading there now.”

“Take me to the main office,” Poe said. “We gotta make sure everyone’s safe.”

“This way,” Finn said, grabbing Poe’s hand and tugging him along. They broke into a run, darting through the warren like scaffolding, Finn leading the way. “Here,” he said, and seemed to finally notice he was still holding Poe’s hand. “Sorry.”

“It’s all right,” Poe said, finally spotting Promenti. “We need to get everyone to the shelter.”

“Already underway,” she said.

“Hux?”

“Left about twenty minutes ago,” she said. “Just as well. I don’t have time to worry about him. Is it heading this way?”

“Probably,” Poe said, and she closed her eyes for a moment, head tilted down.

“Right,” she said. “The shelter isn’t going to cut it, then. We’ll have to evacuate immediately. Jackson! Get all the buses ready. Do it now. I want this place empty within the hour. Move it!” She must have caught Poe’s surprised look because she added, “I made sure drills and preparedness situations were implemented. I’m not losing anyone else to these fuckers. You need anything else, Marshal?”

“A car, if you can spare it,” Poe said. “I have to get into the city.”

“You know where the lot is,” she said to Finn. “Take the Marshal there and then get on the bus.”

“Ma’am,” Finn said.

When Poe hesitated, she said, “Go on. You’re more useful out there. I have this under control.”

“Yes, ma’am,” Poe said, and dipped his head in respect to her.

This time he reached out and took Finn’s hand. Finn glanced over, surprised, but when Poe just smiled, Finn huffed out a breath and pulled him along. The lot was about what he imagined, one lone hut surrounded by construction vehicles. Finn paused long enough to reach inside and grab a set of keys before heading towards a truck.

“Thanks,” Poe said. Despite the flare signals bursting along his spine, he forced himself to say, “I got it from here. Get to a shelter.”

“ _No_ ,” Finn said, firm, and suddenly Poe was blinking away sunspots, his entire mind lighting up. “You’re going to the slums, right?”

“My friend is there,” Poe answered after a noticeable pause. He leaned gratefully against the side of the truck. Finn had no idea what he was doing, but at that moment his mind was shouting at Poe. “Xe’s a PPDC officer. Xe’s short, has dark skin, curly hair, wears this orange sweater.”

“They’re important?” Finn asked.

“One of the best we have. If anyone can stop these things, it’s BB.”

Finn drew in a deep breath. “I know the city, especially the slums. You’re going to need my help to get there.”

Maybe a better man would have insisted that Finn get to safety, but Poe never claimed to be as good as everyone thought he was.

“You drive. Oh,” he added, catching Finn shivering in the sharp wind coming off the water, “here.”

He shrugged out of his jacket, tossed it over. Looking at Poe as if for permission, Finn slid it on. “Thanks.”

“Don’t mention it,” Poe said, and got climbed into the truck, Finn belatedly doing the same. He couldn’t help but grin as Finn gunned the engine and peeled out of the lot and onto the road.

“Always wanted to do that,” Finn admitted.

This close to the coast the streets were still empty, the few cars they passed heading towards the nearest public shelter. The bone slums were north of San Francisco, right on the border with Oakland where Trespasser finally fell. The majority of the carcass had been removed, slowly, over the course of weeks, but what remained became a camp for refugees, a whole city rising in the lee of a monster’s bones.

Poe kept turning back to the Pacific, scanning the shoreline, but he couldn’t spot Siren. It was coming from the south. Poe did the math in his head, how long it took the LA shatterdome to mobilize, how quick Rapier would be brought online, how long it would take for the Jaeger to reach the drop site. Karé and Iolo’s handshake was strong. Rapier had half a dozen of confirmed kills, but kaiju were fast and getting faster, and it was no accident that San Francisco was staring down another K-Day.

“It’s on purpose,” Finn said, and Poe glanced over at where Finn’s knuckles went white on the steering wheel. “Another attack on the anniversary, I mean.”

“It would be hell of a coincidence,” Poe answered.

“So you guys are finally admitting they’re not just some mindless monsters?” Finn didn’t look away from the road, but there was a stubborn jut to his jaw, a challenging tilt to his chin.

“We can never figure out how smart they are,” Poe said quietly, and the tension in Finn’s shoulders eased. “It’s obvious they are intelligent to some degree. They way they learned how to take out rangers.” He turned his phone over in his hands. BB’s signal was still strong, although xe hadn’t answered any of Poe’s frantic texts. “They’re adapting, and they must have a plan. Their attacks are too coordinated, too tactical to be an accident.”

Finn quietly exhaled. “They look different,” he said, quickly speeding up and swerving around a snarl of traffic. “The first ones, they were just big, you know? They’re still big, but they look like they’re meant to be in the water. The last one, the shark one?”

“Sharkhead,” Poe said, and then laughed quietly at the incredulous face Finn made. “Naming them is hard.”

“Sharkhead,” Finn muttered. “Jesus. That one was made for speed. And the Jaeger was one of the heavy hitters, yeah? With the knots that thing was swimming, it could have ended up anywhere in the world, any unprotected spot, but it went right for Auckland.”

“Raptor Nocturne,” Poe said quietly. “That was the Jaeger. Her pilots were Rex and Cody Waititi.”

“You knew them,” Finn said.

“Not well,” Poe answered. “I never had any drops with them. They came up after Ben died.”

“I’m sorry.”

Poe nodded. He heard the sentiment all the time. Everyone was sorry, him included.

Slowly, as if Finn was worried about startling him, he reached over and gripped Poe’s shoulder. There was a soft press of his mind, and Poe allowed himself to lean into it before pulling back.

“Um,” Finn said, clearing his throat. “What I meant was that Sharkhead almost looked like it was made for Raptor Nocturne. I know that sounds crazy—”

“No,” Poe said. “BB thinks the same, as do a few of our K-scientists. Have you been reading their papers?”

Finn shook his head.

“Studying the footage then?”

There were whole swaths of the Internet devoted to nothing but going over every damn drop, combing through hundreds of hours of footage and audio trying to decipher the mystery that was the kaiju origin.

“No.” Finn shrugged uncomfortably. “It’s just something I noticed, is all.”

“You think this one is made for Rapier, then?” Poe asked, and Finn ducked his head, shrugging. “You’re probably right. Can you go faster?”

Finn gunned the engine, and Poe couldn’t help but grin as they flew down the highway. After this was over, he vowed to take Finn up in a plane, really show the kid how it was done.

The farther north they got the worse the traffic got, until Finn pulled off the highway and started taking the back roads. They were still miles out, but Trespasser’s ribs jutted toward the sky, chipped and crooked like something out of old folklore, like a gate that could only be opened with a key made from human teeth.

“Why did your friend go there?” Finn asked, and then, “Shit, sorry, probably classified.”

No one outside the PPDC talked about it, about how almost everyone had the potential for the low level telepathy that made the neural handshake possible, about how in the end drifting was a choice you made. You chose to reach out to another person, to let them into your head, let them see everything you were, every stupid, embarrassing, wonderful flaw that made you human.

Poe had made that choice once, to trust or to not, and it ended with a hole in his head where Ben should be. Leia Organa had lost two co-pilots, one to the kaiju and another to his own grief, and every day she kept making that choice, over and over. How could Poe do any less?

“Between us,” Poe said quietly, so quietly that Finn glanced over, “BB needs old kaiju samples. Xe has a theory.”

“That kaiju are made?” Finn said slowly.

“Among other things,” Poe said, impressed.

Finn nodded, gaze solemn and dark before he turned his attention back to the road. “I’ll get you to them. I won’t tell anyone what you said.” It had the weight of a vow to it, and Poe reached out, touched Finn’s shoulder before going back to watching the ribs grow larger on the horizon.

By the time they were on the outskirts of the slums, the streets were packed with cars, unmoving, and Poe could see people being turned away from the few shelters available, capacity already full.

“We’ll have to walk,” said Finn, which was when Poe’s phone finally beeped.

_I’M AT BASE OF SPINE GOT WHAT I NEED WHERE ARE YOU_

“That’s a straight shot down there,” Finn said, pointing south when Poe showed him the text. “Do they not know how to turn caps off?”

“Xe does. Xe just chooses not to. Come on.”

Finn stumbled to a stop. “Look.”

He pointed to the ocean and there, miles out, was the unmistakable bulk of a kaiju rising from the water. It was turned away from them, and the distance meant Poe only got the barest impression: slight, sleek, composed of sharp angles. Scarlet Rapier was one of the smaller Jaegers, built mainly for speed, and Iolo and Karé depended on kaiju never closing in and catching hold, but this one, god, this one looked like it could do just that.

“It’s all right,” Poe heard himself say. “Rapier is coming. We’ll be fine.”

Finn’s mind was white static, and so Poe took his hand. “We need to get everyone we can to a shelter, all right?”

Finn nodded, pulling in a sharp breath. “There’s some old bunkers back from the military presence here.”

Finn gave him the location and then it was easy for Poe to climb on top of a car, to get attention of the crowd and start them moving in the right direction. It was, he through wryly, easier than getting the young academy recruits out of bed in the morning. It helped that they were afraid and Poe was familiar, a ranger who had gone out again and again against those monsters, paying the price with the loss of his co-pilot.

Still, his voice was hoarse by the time he jumped back down, letting Finn steady him when he stumbled. Behind Finn stood two girls, who couldn’t have been older than nineteen, and each held the hand of two small kids, who were maybe seven or eight.

“They don’t have anyone else,” Finn said quietly. The kaiju made a lot of orphans these days, Poe thought, and most ran away to the slums.

“We’re fine,” one girl snapped, although her knuckles were white where they clutched the strap of her backpack.

“We’ve done this before,” the other said, and she sounded so tired, as tired as Poe felt these days. She kept pulling the kids close to her.

Regret was pouring from Finn, and so Poe smiled and said, “It’s all right, buddy. You get them to the bunker. Make sure everybody’s safe.”

“Your friend,” Finn said.

“I’ll get xyr,” Poe answered. “We’ll come find you after.”

For a moment Poe was drowning in Finn’s longing, and he had no choice but to pull Finn in tight, hold him close.

“Keep them safe,” Poe said quietly. “I’ll find you.”

Finn nodded, his cheek brushing Poe’s before he reluctantly stepped back. Gently, he reached down took the small girl’s hand, and then led all four of the kids in the direction of the bunker.

Poe didn’t look after him, just set off where Finn had pointed BB was. The slums were mostly empty at this point, and it was easy to pick out BB in xyr terrible orange sweater that Poe had tried to get rid of on more than one occasion.

When BB spotted him, xyr hands were already moving. Poe couldn’t catch what xe was saying, choosing instead to pull xyr close, checking to see if xe was hurt. BB submitted to his examination with good grace for about three seconds before irritably batting his hands away.

 _“I got the samples,”_ xe said. _“I also linked up with LOCCENT and Rapier.”_

 _“You’re amazing,”_ Poe said. _“And next time I’m coming with you.”_

BB rolled xyr eyes before holding out the tablet. There wasn’t much Poe could do from there, instead doing his best to relay information to Marshal Organa while towing BB back to the truck. They were needed in the city where Hux was probably trying to do damage control.

Later Poe would line everything up neatly in his head, about how they found his way to the City Hall, swept his way into the command center Hux had put together, monitoring the drop alongside Organa in Anchorage and Ackbar in LA.

The drop lasted hours. Finn was right; Siren was made for Rapier, armed with talons that tore through Rapier’s plating. “Don’t let it get close,” Poe said while Rapier kept itself better the kaiju and the shore. “Don’t let it catch you.”

Just shy of four hours they put it down, a messy shot through the head that left Siren’s brain and blood polluting the water. Half of Rapier’s plating was gone, stripped clean off by Siren’s talons. Her left leg was crippled, a dragging weight that was almost Rapier’s undoing, but still she stood tall, Karé and Iolo alive, alive, alive.

Poe allowed himself a small prayer of thanks before turning his attention to the work still to be done. Scavenging rights had to be arranged; Maz had right of first refusal, but she didn’t have much of an operation in the Bay area. Containment teams were dispatched to deal with kaiju blue, and then there was the orderly return of people to their homes, the relief funds to be authorized, supplies to be delivered.

It took two days before Poe could return to the slums, BB attached to his side after prying the whole story out of him.

 _“Drift compatible,”_ BB signed, hands shaking with xyr excitement. _“Are you sure? Please be sure. Poe! Drift compatible!”_

 _“Yeah, buddy,”_ Poe answered. _“It’s not something you mistake, you know.”_

 _“Rebel will have another pilot.”_ BB rocked up on xyr toes. _“I'm putting in those second controls for the plasma cannon. Oh, I can’t wait for his input on the knives. Do you think he’ll want two? You’ll have a partner!”_

It was hard to keep perspective with BB’s infectious enthusiasm. After all, it had been two days. Perhaps Finn realized what a mess Poe was, a washed up ranger who had let his partner die, who was so greedy to make that connection again that the one time he and Jess tried to drift he nearly dragged her down into a coma.

Finn didn’t know how his mind reached out, and if he did he would run the hell away if he had a lick of sense. Rangers were dying, and if you were lucky you went together. If you were unlucky, you were left behind and had to find a way to live with that. No one would want that.

The streets in the slums were crowded, and Poe went first to the bunkers, then to where he and Finn parted, but there was no sign of him. What was he expecting? For Finn to be waiting on the corner for Poe to return? It was a foolish thought, and insulting to Finn on top of that. Finn owed him nothing.

At BB’s urging, they went to the Wall, but there was none of that warmth, no tug on his mind. Already knowing it was useless, he nonetheless asked Promenti for help, but the most she could do was suggest that perhaps Finn had moved on to another work site. Finn worked for rations, and after Siren, the number of people showing up every day had tripled. And since Finn wasn’t a permanent employee, they had no file on him, didn’t even know his last name.

Poe could almost believe he dreamed the kid up, so desperate for the chance to get back in Rebel that his mind conjured up a co-pilot. But his jacket, Ben’s jacket, was still gone and Poe remembered Finn’s mind shouting for his.

 _“I’ll find him,”_ BB vowed, face set in that stubborn expression that meant xe would doggedly pursue it till the end of the world.

Poe didn’t have the heart to argue. They were recalled to the Icebox, and Poe left himself hope that, somehow, he and Finn would find each other again, one way or another.


	3. Chapter 3

The Wall stretched along Alaska’s coastline for miles. Construction was slower than down south, given that it was halted completely in winter. Finn hadn’t been in Kenai long enough to predict the weather, not like the Tlingit family that had given him a place to sleep those first few days, but he thought a storm was coming soon. He didn’t know what he would do then, hadn’t thought that far ahead, really, besides making his way north.

This high up the Pacific stretched before him, placid and deceptively calm, and for a moment he could almost pretend this was how the world was before K-Day. He didn’t remember much before Trespasser made landfall. After, though, that’s where most of his memories began, the earliest just him, alone, wishing to go home.

But there was one moment from before that Finn could never be sure he hadn’t just imagined. It was plain, as far as memories went: him on the beach, splashing in the water before his parents scooped him up, held him tight, and he was so happy he was laughing with it. It probably wasn’t real, too bare, too simple, but Finn kept it tucked close, a welcome balm for all the nights he spent alone.

The horn sounded, and Finn made his way back to the ground. He turned in his equipment, neatly hung his rigging up, and then stopped and picked up that day’s ration. Say what you wanted to about the Wall, but it was steady work, and people still needed to eat. Kenai was small enough it was easy to taken on there, and it might have been three hours from Anchorage, but Finn felt a bit more settled, less like he had a live wire sparking along his spine.

He had wanted to wait for Poe, but the girls, as brave and as amazing as they were, they couldn’t raise those kids on their own. So Finn took them to his last foster home, and Korr Sella took them in, of course she did, and Finn had slept in the spare bedroom that had been his own before he aged out of the system.

The next morning he meant to go downtown to find Poe, but, well, buses weren’t running, and Korr wasn’t as young as she used to be. There was work to be done: the kids needed to be settled in, supplies needed to be bought, little repairs to be made around the house. Finn couldn’t leave them without making sure they were going to be all right. Besides, Poe Dameron had far better things to do than worry about another wall rat that had only given him a ride to the slums.

It was fine except for the itch under his skin and a persistent headache at the base of his skull. Korr always knew when he had needed space or a kick in the ass, and she delivered the latter, giving him clothes and food and sending him up north.

Rations in hand, Finn caught a ride with another worker towards the bone slums. Not everyone was thrilled about literally living under a monster’s remains, but rent was cheap and Finn couldn’t be picky. A boarding house catering solely to Wall workers wasn’t the worst place he ever stayed. It offered a warm place to sleep, a little privacy, and the best part, hot water.

He was dropped off about half a mile away. Unless they lived there, most people never made sure to never set foot there. Finn didn’t blame them, but there was hope to be found. Reckoner was a monster that had torn through Anchorage before being pursued into Kenai, where it was slain. That was the lesson taken from Reckoner, from Onibaba, even from Sharkhead. Monsters could be killed.

Before he made the boarding house, Finn slipped into the market nestled in what was once the thoracic cavity. Unlike in California, where Trespasser slums were open air, massive canvases were strung up between Reckoner’s ribs, cloaking the entire remains from the base of the skull down to the last vertebrae. It took over a decade, every year more material added, offering shelter to the increasing number of poor and displaced shoved out to the coasts. When the fires were stoked during the depths of winter, Finn heard the entire slums glowed, lit like a small star. Even now the massive fire pits were already being assembled, waiting for the first true shock of cold signaling winter had arrived.

Like most places along the cost, money didn’t mean as much here. Rations, though, could be traded for clothes and other necessities. Today Finn swapped about half his dray rations for a pair of thick, hand knitted socks and a new pair of gloves. It got cold fast up high.

Later, Finn figured it had to be the bright splash of orange that caught his attention. You didn’t see that color outside of Wall construction, and definitely not on such a lumpy sweater worn by what looked like a kid, who was shaking as he was backed up by three very large men.

Finn broke into a run and was halfway across the market before he saw the girl. She was about his age, perhaps a bit younger, hair pulled back in series of three buns, and unlike Finn was dressed for late fall in Alaska. She swung a large staff from her back, no movement wasted, and with very little fuss kicked the shit out of the three grown men, watching them scurry off with a look of righteous fury that wouldn’t be out of place in old paintings of martyred saints.

She was beautiful, Finn thought absently, already backing up now that it was clear he wasn’t needed. The movement must have caught the kid’s attention, because suddenly he was tugging on the girl’s arm, hands moving fast and sure. Finn never did pick up sign language, but the girl apparently knew it, because her head snapped towards him.

“Shit,” Finn said, resisting the urge to run under her sharp gaze. “Um, hello?” He waved, realized how ridiculous that was, and made it two steps before he was practically tackled by the kid.

“Are you sure?” the girl asked, signing carefully. The kid nodded so hard it sent the curls bouncing. “Xe says you’re wearing his friend’s jacket.”

“What?” Finn said, but took a closer look at the kid. Dark skin, curly hair, orange sweater. “You’re BB, the friend Poe was looking for,” Finn said, trying to remember the pronouns Poe used. “He found you, right? He’s okay? Oh shit, I don’t know sign language.”

“You know him?” the girl asked.

BB made a frustrated noise, hands moving quickly.

“Slow down,” she said, hands moving carefully through the air. “I'm not that good.”

BB sighed but complied.

Finn had no idea what BB was saying, but it made the girl’s eyebrows rise until she finally turned to look at Finn in something like wonder. He shifted back on his heels, unsure what to do with that. No one ever bothered looking at a wall rat more than once. After years in the foster system, and Finn was used to quietly slipping by unnoticed. It had gotten him through a lot of homes that way. But now here this strange girl was, smiling like Finn meant something.

“What’s your name?” he asked.

“Rey,” she answered.

“I'm Finn.”

“Finn,” she repeated slowly. “I’ve never met a ranger before.”

“I'm not a ranger,” Finn said, glancing over at BB, who was practically grinning.

The girl frowned. “But BB said you’re Poe’s co-pilot.”

“ _What?”_

BB just waggled xyr eyebrows, and Finn rubbed a hand over his face.

“So you’re not a ranger?” the girl asked.

“No,” Finn answered. “I think BB misunderstood.”

She obediently signed that, and BB made an annoyed noise and glared before quickly signing back.

“Xe says you’re not one yet.” She smiled when Finn threw up his hands. “But you do know Poe Dameron, right?”

“I met him,” Finn said. “We were both in San Francisco when Siren landed. I gave him a ride to the slums to find BB. We sort of lost each other at that.”

Rey relayed that last point and suddenly BB was pushing right into his space, jabbing him sharply in the chest before signing what Finn was fairly sure was a diatribe against his person. One look at Rey’s face confirmed that.

“What did xe say?” Finn asked.

“That you’re lying,” she said, frowning. “BB says they both went back for you, but you had left.”

“Oh.” Finn hunched his shoulders. “I didn’t think Poe meant it about coming back for me.”

When Rey translated that, BB made a high pitched noise and punched Finn, hard, in the arm and stalked back to Rey’s side, signing something else.

“Well,” she said, mouth tight like she was trying not to laugh, “since you do know Poe, can you help us get to Anchorage?” When Finn made a face and gestured to BB, who he knew for a fact was a LOCCENT officer, she added, “Xe might not have been authorized to come out here and might be in some trouble. We don’t have a phone. Do you?”

He shook his head. He could never afford one, and it wasn’t like he had anyone to keep in touch with. “What kind of trouble?”

“Xe might have stolen something from Plutt.”

Finn was new to town, but even he knew you didn’t cross Plutt, who basically controlled the market on all kaiju goods in Kenai, not to mention how far his damn operation spread. Hell, Plutt even had people in San Francisco, and Finn heard rumors about how he was trying to spread across the Pacific into Asia.

“You don’t mess with Plutt!” Finn practically shouted.

“ _I_ know that,” Rey said. “BB said it was important.”

Finn spun on BB, ready to start yelling when he saw the bastards Rey had chased off had returned with friends. A lot of friends.

“We gotta go,” Finn said, grabbing Rey and BB’s hands before running.

“Why are you holding my hand?” Rey demanded, but she kept easy pace with them as they dodged around carts in the market, BB stumbling behind them. “This way,” she said, and pulled them off to the side, in the lee of a great rib.

“What did you take?” Finn hissed, pushing BB back into the shadows and out of sight. BB allowed xemself to be moved with a pointed glare.

“Plutt won’t give up,” Rey said, peering from behind Finn. “We need to get to Anchorage.”

“How?” Finn asked. “You have a car? Because I don’t.”

“I know where to get one,” she said.

“We’re stealing now?” Finn asked, and then when a damn ugly asshole caught sight of them, he grabbed Rey and BB again, pulling them along.

“Stop taking my hand!” Rey snapped, but she held on tight as they skidded around a corner to avoid being trapped. “This way!”

Finn bit back groan as Rey suddenly yanked him to the left, taking some complicated twisty path of back alleys along the spine. Finn had no idea where they were, only recognizing they were getting close to Kenai proper by the way the stench lessened and the streets were better paved. No amount of asphalt would ever really cover Reckoner’s vertebrae.

“Here,” she said, letting go of Finn to hurry over to one of the heavy duty trucks that were ubiquitous in Alaska. It looked nicer than the rest, gleaming a dull silver under the fading light.

“Do you know what you’re doing?” Finn asked, shifting his arm so that BB could press in close to his side.

“Yes,” Rey said, pulling a thin wire out of her satchel and carefully inserting it into the door.

“So we are stealing a car now?” Finn hissed.

“You have a better idea?” she demanded. “Got it.”

Finn glanced behind them, noting the assholes were back. “Nope,” he said, practically shoving both Rey and BB into the truck. “Let’s go.”

“Move over,” Rey said, pushing him across the seat. She pulled out a screwdriver, carefully turning it into the ignition. “I can do this. I can do this,” she whispered.

“You’ve never done this?” Finn said, and when Rey did nothing more than glare at him, Finn batted her hands away. Korr Sella would have kicked his ass if she even suspected he knew how to jack a car, but it was a skill that Finn picked up in one of his homes, something that would come in handy some day. That day just happened to be when they were being pursued by a pissed off Plutt after a PPDC J-tech.

“Got it,” he said, as the engine sputtered to life. He and Rey grinned at each other before Rey threw the car into drive and peeled out. When two men jumped in their way, Rey didn’t hesitate in pressing on the gas until they scrambled out of the road.

“Holy shit,” Finn laughed, as Rey turned down one tiny street after another, barely slowing around corners, the tires squealing in protest. “You’ve done this before?”

“Sometimes I'm a driver,” she said.

Finn turned that over. “You work for Plutt?”

_“No,”_ she snapped, hands tightening on the wheel. “I scavenge.”

And Plutt was the only game in town. They all had to find a way to eat.

“Is this his truck?”

Rey lifted on shoulder in a shrug. “He keeps a few around town, just in case one of his men needs one. I figured we could use a ride.”

“Nice driving back there.”

She flushed, and Finn would probably have kept on smiling stupidly at her if BB hadn’t impatiently tugged on his jacket.

“I have no idea what you’re saying,” he said as BB signed impatiently at him.

BB rolled xyr eyes and then leaned around him to look at Rey, who glanced between xyr and the road.

“BB says we still need to get Anchorage,” she said.

“It would be easier if you would just call up your damn friends,” Finn said uselessly as BB couldn’t hear him and Rey couldn’t take her hands off the wheel to sign. “And we need to ditch this truck.” He thought back to his long trip north. “There’s a sort of outpost a couple hours west of here. We can leave the truck there and then figure out what’s next.”

“I know the place,” Rey said. BB made another frustrated noise, and Rey nodded at her satchel. “There’s a pen and paper in there. Write it down for BB, please.”

Finn did as she asked, jotting down the plan for BB, who immediately snatched the pen from his hand, scribbling furiously for a moment before sliding the paper across.

“What’s it say?” Rey asked.

“Really?” Finn asked BB, reading what was written. Both BB and Rey made the exact same annoyed noise, and Finn bit back a grin. “Right, right, sorry. He asked if you know about Kanata.”

Rey’s brow furrowed. “She runs another operation,” she said, hands flexing on the wheel. “Plutt’s pretty serious about keeping her out of his area.”

“Great,” Finn sighed. “Another scavenger.”

Maybe BB could read lips, because suddenly xe jabbed Finn in the side, scowling before signing one handed.

“Ow, quit it,” Finn snapped, trying to twist away, which just pushed him into Rey.

“I am driving,” she said, and shoved him into BB. “Play nice, you two!”

“Xe started it,” Finn grumbled, while BB made a face and poked him again.

“Look,” Rey said, glaring at them both until they wilted under it, “we don’t have a lot of options right now. Plutt is going to be looking for us. Can this Kanata help us, BB?”

Finn obediently jotted the question down, and BB emphatically nodded xyr head. Xe gestured for the pen, and Finn handed it over, watching as BB drew a rough map.

“Directions,” Finn said, and passed the paper over.

“It’s about a couple hours north,” Rey said, and then executed a neat u-turn, scowling as one passing truck honked.

With sunset deepening into night, Finn fiddled with the temperature settings, listening to the click-click-click of the heater turning over. BB sighed very softly and leaned closer, bag clutched protectively in his lap.

“What does xe have?” Finn asked.

Rey lifted one shoulder in a shrug. “Xe didn’t say, but it seemed really important.”

“Poe,” Finn said slowly, noting how passing headlights cast deep shadows along Rey’s jaw, “said that BB would be the one to stop the kaiju.”

Rey’s gaze flicked to him and then away. “Do you think they can be stopped?” she asked.

“I don’t know.” He thought about Poe’s face when they first met, before Poe noticed him. Footage of Black Rebel’s last drop was playing on the television, images of Rebel prone and broken on the beach, and Poe’s face had been…god. Finn didn’t remember his parents. He knew, abstractly, how he had been cheated of a proper childhood with their deaths, and he missed the idea of them, but he could never properly grieve them. But Poe, Jesus, it was like Ben Organa’s loss had been carved into him.

“I hope so,” Finn finally said.

“Me too,” Rey agreed, quietly.

They lapsed in silence. Finn turned on the radio but clicked it off after a quick scroll only turned up static or terrible instrumental jazz interspersed by depressing news reports. With Raptor Nocturne gone, that brought the Jaeger count to five, and still the kaiju came.

“You work on the Wall?” Rey asked.

“Yeah,” Finn admitted. It kept him fed for all that it was shit work.

“Do you think they’re right? That it’ll stop them?”

Even miles out, there had been no mistaking how big Siren was, how vicious. The bunker had rattled through those four hours of the fight, tremors shaking them all. He couldn’t imagine how bad it would have been if Scarlet Rapier hadn’t stopped it from reaching land.

“No,” he said, and didn’t mention how Rey pushed the truck faster.

At some point, BB listed into Finn’s side, nodding off. Refusing to meet Rey’s gaze, Finn carefully lifted one arm, settling BB more firmly against him.

“Shut up,” he said.

“I didn’t say anything,” she answered, but he could see her smirk.

For all that he did not expect his day to take this turn, it was nice, in a strange way, to be traveling with Rey and BB. He had never taken a road trip before, and this probably didn’t count, but it felt like one, the three of them picking a destination and just pulling up and driving, no monsters waiting under the water, no worries about where the next meal would come from. Did people inland live like this?

“What is it?” Rey asked.

“What?” Finn said.

“You’re smiling,” she said, practically accusing.

“Oh.” He shrugged. “I'm kind of having fun.”

“Fun,” she repeated flatly.

“Come on, admit it, running from Plutt, stealing a car, driving through the night to meet this mysterious Kanata, it’s a little fun.”

“I suppose,” Rey said, smiling just a bit.

Finn felt like he won something, which was of course when the engine made an alarming clicking noise, the headlights fading away as the truck slowed.

“Damn,” she said, pulling them over. “Grab the toolbox behind your seat.”

BB shot upright when Finn moved, blinking rapidly.

“Engine trouble,” Rey said, signing quickly before climbing out to pop the hood.

Finn grabbed the kit and obediently followed, BB trailing after, still looking shocked awake.

“What is it?” he asked.

“Not sure,” she answered. “Plutt likes to make his own modifications. Half the time they either do nothing or completely mess up the engine. Hold the light.”

Finn fished out the small flashlight, tilting it above Rey’s shoulder. She made a short, exasperated noise before jerking his arm up and to the right. “Right there,” she commanded.

“No, that’s fine,” Finn said. “This is comfortable for me.”

Rey ignored him, carefully looking over the engine, her jacket pulled over her hands to protect them from the heat. “I think it’s the alternator. Hand me the breaker bar.”

Trying to keep the light in place, he fished out what was maybe the breaker bar and held it out.

“No,” Rey said. “The breaker bar. That’s a screwdriver. No. Allen wrench. Look where I'm pointing. If I don’t bypass the alternator then the engine won’t start, we’ll be stuck out here in freezing temperatures, and all die of hypothermia. Are you even trying?”

“I don’t know what a breaker bar is!” he protested.

BB heaved a sigh, batted him away, and then grabbed the right tool, passing it to Rey and hitching xemself up next to her.

“Thanks,” she said.

BB gestured impatiently, and Finn nudged the kit closer, watching as xe pulled out cables and a wrench, both xe and Rey suddenly intent on their work. He might as well have stopped existing for all the attention they paid to him, not counting the annoyed way Rey snapped her fingers when he let the light droop.

“You know,” he said after the third snap, “I could have left you both alone back there.”

She snorted. “Don’t be ridiculous. You need us.”

He rolled his eyes, and he had no idea how BB saw that, what with xyr head practically in the engine block, but xe kicked him in the shin all the same.

“We are fighting now!” he hissed.

“You know xe can’t hear you,” Rey said. “Okay, with any luck that did it. Don’t touch anything.”

He backed up, automatically reaching out to catch BB when xe stumbled. Xe nodded at Rey, who climbed back into the cab, carefully turning their makeshift key, and Finn sighed with relief as the engine revved.

BB smiled, satisfied, signing something as Rey came back.

“Xe said it should hold until Kanata’s, but we should not turn the engine off again,” Rey translated. She glanced at BB. “What did you take from Plutt?”

BB paused, glancing between them in the weak glow of the headlights before nodding sharply to xemself and pulling the bag from the cab. Xe hesitated a moment, signing something quickly.

“Xe asks that we keep this to ourselves,” Rey said. “Xe’s trusting us with this.”

“I won’t say a word,” Finn promised as Rey signed her own pledge.

Carefully, BB pulled out a canister filled with clear fluid, possibly a fixing agent of some kind. Floating in it, preserved, was a small, curled gray mass.

“Is that a brain?” Rey asked, carefully signing.

“Wait,” said Finn, “a _kaiju_ _brain?_ ”

BB nodded.

“But those are impossible to get,” Rey said, signing as she went. “By the time you drill through the skull, most of it has already decayed. It’s the only part of the kaiju that does that. Like it’s—

“Been programmed to?” Finn suggested.

BB nodded enthusiastically, flashing Finn a thumbs up.

“Does this have to do with what you were looking for in the California slums?” he asked. “Poe said you thought kaiju are made.”

Another nod.

“Made by what?” Rey asked, a tinge of horror to her voice.

BB shrugged.

“We need to get you to Anchorage,” Finn said. “I’ll drive.”

“What? You will not,” Rey protested, and then ruined her indignation by yawning.

“You’re tired,” Finn said. “And you know sign language. BB has to give us directions still, and xe can’t understand me.”

“Oh,” she said, deflating. “I guess that makes sense.”

Biting back a retort, Finn shooed them both into the cab, quickly grabbing the toolkit and closing the hood before climbing behind the wheel. BB was sandwiched between him and Rey, the bag once more cradled in xyr lap.

“I'm beginning to think Poe was right about you,” Finn said quietly, BB looking to Rey for a translation before sharply jabbing Finn in the side. “What was that for?”

“That,” Rey said, sounding like she was very carefully not laughing, “was for ever doubting xyr.”

“See if I help you out next time,” Finn grumbled, but he still couldn’t help smiling as they pulled back onto the road.

One of the things Finn wasn’t used to was how quickly it got dark this far north. Already it was full night out, and the low cloud cover meant there was no moonlight. No other cars on the road made it feel as if they were traveling through deep, dark water, where the pressure was so great only things out of nightmares survived.

Uneasy, he kept glancing over at BB and Rey. Perhaps sensing his mood, BB nudged closer to him, and Rey’s whole expression softened into something like fondness before she said tartly, “Keep your eyes on the road. I don’t want to end the night crashing into a ditch.”

“You’re a backseat driver, aren’t you?” he said.

“I'm good at it,” she answered, defensive.

“No, I saw.” A lone semi passed them, and Finn slowed down around a sharp curve. He really was not looking forward to winter. “You’re a scavenger?”

“Yes,” Rey said. “There’s not a lot of work up here, and kaiju parts are valuable.”

“Is it true people even want the weird lice they bring with them?”

“They pay good money for those. No idea what they want them for, though.” She paused and then said, almost shyly, “Sometimes I find old Jaeger parts to work on.”

“Really? That’s awesome. I always wanted to see one up close, but who doesn’t, you know? What’d you find?”

“Some old hydraulics, probably from a Mark I,” Rey answered. “I used them to make a bike.”

“New plan,” Finn said. “We get BB back to Anchorage, and then me and you, we’re taking that bike out. It’s got to be so fast.”

“It is pretty fast,” Rey agreed, and when Finn glanced over, she was smiling, small and happy. “I can show you some of the stuff I found.”

“Holy shit, yes. I absolutely need to see all this stuff. You,” Finn said reverently, “are the coolest person I have ever met.”

“Oh,” Rey said quietly, awed, like no one had ever told her that before, which was bullshit. There should be someone every day to let her know how amazing she was.

Before he could voice that thought, BB irritably elbowed him in the ribs, scowling.

“Sorry,” Rey said, signing her words. “We didn’t mean to leave you out.”

She switched entirely to sign language, and Finn didn’t know what she was saying, but BB sat up, xyr own hands swooping in long, quick movements that meant xe was excited. They were probably talking about Jaeger engineering. Nerds, he thought fondly.

They drove for another forty minutes before BB started giving directions. Finn followed them as best he could in the dark, but neither BB or Rey were really great at giving notice about turns, and he had to make at least two illegal U-turns and loop around the block once before they finally pulled into the lot of a small, squat building with a single neon sign at the window, proclaiming it _Kanata’s._

“You have lost all navigation privileges,” Finn said as they climbed out of the cab.

“You don’t pay attention,” Rey answered.

“Telling me to turn _after I drove through the intersection_ doesn’t count.”

BB signed something quick, and Rey said, “BB says you need to work on your reflexes if you’re going to be a ranger.”

“I don’t know what that means,” he said, but BB pointedly raised xyr eyebrows before gesturing both Rey and Finn forward.

Finn had spent more than enough time in dive bars, usually dragged along by Slips. He was expecting much the same: low lighting, uneven tables, shit beer sold cheap. Instead _Kanata’s_ was bright and, well, festive was the only word Finn could fit to it. There were honest to god paintings on the wall, bright splashes of colors, and a live band was playing good old fashioned dance songs. There were card games going in the corner, two older women playing a game of chess, groups ensconced in the deep booths, and several couples spinning across the dance groups.

“Oh,” Rey said. “I didn’t know.”

Finn nodded, because he didn’t know either, that places like this, places on the coast, ravaged by the kaiju, abandoned by the world, could be so joyful, that people would gather and celebrate one another. Rey reached for him and he reached back, their hands clasped between them.

Even as they stared with wide eyes, a small woman bustled through the crowd, and BB darted forward, hands already moving. The woman nodded in some places, other times signing her own interjections, and at the end she walked up to them

“Well,” she said, looking them over. “It seems we have quite the conversation ahead of us.”

“You’re Maz Kanata?” Rey asked.

“I am,” she answered.

She reminded Finn of the matriarch of the Tlingit family, carrying that same easy gravitas and serenity. She had brown skin and gray hair pulled back in a neat bun. Her eyes were bright and endless behind the thick lenses of her glasses, and when she smiled her joy lines deepened. She was small though, even compared to BB, and barely reached Finn’s chest, but Finn knew her type. Small she may be, but he had no doubt she could knock him on his ass easily enough.

“Well, come on,” she said, and headed towards the back corner, not even waiting to see if they followed.

BB huffed out a sigh, taking Rey’s arm and pulling her along, Finn dragged with her. At the booth, Maz lifted one hand and a tree of a man appeared, arms piled high with plates that he laid before them, heaped with fresh vegetables and fruits.

“Go on,” Maz said, face softening as Rey tentatively reached for a slice of melon. Like Rey, Maz automatically signed the conversation for BB. “Help yourself.”

BB had already hauled one plate towards xemself, and pointedly picked up a knife when Finn shifted closer.

“I don’t think I’ve seen this much fresh food,” Finn said.

“Most ports are closed,” Maz said. “But I know people. BB tells me you had a run in with Plutt.”

Rey nodded. “We took one of his trucks. It’s outside, the silver one.”

“I’ll have someone take care of it,” Maz said. She leaned back, watching them, and Finn stifled the urge to shift under that thoughtful gaze. “You need to get to Anchorage. Why?”

“BB needs to get back,” Finn said.

“Not xyr,” Maz said. “You. All xe needed to do was make one call and PPDC would have already sent a plane for xyr.”

Finn turned a glare BB, who smiled beatifically back.

“Why do you both need to go to Anchorage?” Maz pressed.

Rey said, “BB can stop the kaiju.” She lifted her chin. “I want to help.”

Maz nodded, satisfied. “And you?”

This time Finn did fidget, pressing back into the booth. “I just wanted to help them, that’s all.”

“I’ve worked with the PPDC since the beginning,” Maz said, leaning forward, hands braced on the table to push herself into Finn’s space. He leaned back, but there was nowhere to go. “I know those eyes.”

“What eyes?” he asked.

“Don’t run, Mr. Finn,” she answered, abruptly sitting back. “Not again. Time to see what you’re made of.”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about,” Finn said.

Maz smiled, then. “I'm sure you do.”

“Will you help us?” Rey asked.

“Of course.” Maz stood. “Finish your food. I will make travel arrangements for us. After you’re done, Chaske will show you upstairs. We’ll leave in the morning.”

When she was gone, Finn exchanged a helpless look with Rey. “I don’t know what’s happening anymore.”

“Me neither,” Rey said. She pushed a plate to him. “Try this berry thing. It’s really good.”

 

 

 

That night they slept above the bar, BB tucked in the smaller of the two beds, curled around the tablet Maz had given xyr before shooing them off. He and Rey shared the other bed, and when Finn had eyed it warily, Rey just made a face, shoved him onto the left side, and then promptly collapsed onto the right.

Finn had a lot of practice catching what sleep when he could. Rey must have been the same, because she kicked off her shoes, shed her outer layers, burrowed under the covers, and appeared to drop right off. As warm and as safe he was now, Finn couldn’t calm his mind, instead replaying the day over and over before skipping ahead to tomorrow, of heading into the shatterdome, of seeing Poe again, who, if BB could be trusted, had come back for him only to find that Finn had run.

Rey snuffled in her sleep, rolling over. She and BB were safe now. Maz would get them to Anchorage. They would save the world. Finn could grab a ride back to the Wall, maybe work his way back down the coast.

He was halfway out of the bed when Rey said, voice thick with sleep, “Okay?” Her eyes were barely open, half focused on him, and she reached out, touched the bare skin of his elbow.

Finn breathed in slowly through his nose. Behind him, BB’s breaths whistled in and out. Korr Sella once told him it was a choice, to stay or to go, to reach out or to stay alone, and everyone had to make it for themselves.

“Just needed to stretch,” Finn said, and lay back down.

Rey hummed in response, clumsily patted his shoulder, and promptly went back to sleep. Finn matched his breathing to hers, and he dreamed of being up high on the Wall, of stepping off and walking over the ocean.

 

 

 

Maz woke them early the next morning, and Chaske handed them a thermos of coffee and bacon and egg sandwiches as Maz impatiently herded them to a van. Plutt’s truck was nowhere to be seen, and Finn knew better than to question it.

BB kept breaking off signing to yawn, and Finn, who was used to early mornings, found himself in charge of xyr. He was under strict instructions not to allow BB any of the coffee, and instead had to resort to the schoolyard tactic of holding the thermos above xyr head while BB kept trying to climb him.

“What’s the plan?” Rey asked, absolutely not helping Finn.

“We’ll take the ferry to Anchorage,” Maz answered, opening the passenger door for BB, who climbed in, pausing long enough to snatch the sandwiches, passing one to Rey and ignoring Finn completely.

“The ferry,” Rey said, her hand tightening around the strap of her staff.

“Cheaper and faster than driving,” Maz responded, but her eyes were kind as she took them in, Finn pressing his shoulder into Rey’s. “The ferry stays well within the Miracle Mile. It will be safe.”

“Of course,” Rey said, and then climbed into the back of the van.

Finn followed her, and as Maz started the engine, admonishing them all to buckle up before turning on some truly horrible music that seemed to be made of nothing but trumpets and drums, Rey split her sandwich in half, offering part to Finn.

“Thanks,” he said, and Rey smiled at him, and Finn let himself list gently into her side.

He must have fallen asleep, leaning into Rey, because when she gently nudged him it was to see them following a line of cars onto the ferry. Maz parked next to a small green car, turning the engine off and pocketing the keys.

“Everyone out,” she said. “Get some fresh air. Rey, a moment please.”

Half-awake, Finn could only blink, confused, as Maz led Rey away. BB sighed, snagging Finn’s wrist and pulling him out of the van. Finn let himself be led up the stairs and onto the upper deck, pulling in a sharp breath at the cold air.

The sun was bright overhead, the sky nearly white, the kind of weather Finn learned was typical for Alaska. Winter was going to be a terror. He had never been further north than Oregon, and that had only been a short trip with Korr. There was a good chance that when true winter hit he might die.

Now, though, he tipped his head into the sharp wind, staring over the glassy gray of the water. Like any true child of K-Day, he didn’t trust the ocean, the thing that birthed monsters, but there was still beauty in the shape of the waves.

BB tugged on his sleeve and held out a tablet, which read _I told Poe I was returning today._

“That’s good,” Finn said, before remembering himself and typing it out. _He worries about you_

BB gave a long suffering sigh, tapping out a quick, _I know._ Then, after a pause, _I didn’t tell him about you._

_Okay._ He tucked his hands into the jacket’s—Poe’s jacket—pockets. Why would BB mention him? But Poe came back like he promised, Finn thought, and scrubbed a hand through his hair.

_I wanted it to be a surprise,_ BB wrote, but there was something in xyr gaze, almost searching, before xe grinned. _And Rey. He’ll like her._

_He better,_ Finn typed. _She’s awesome._

BB nodded and then tugged Finn back inside. They wandered a bit, stepping around the other passengers. In the past, the ferry would have been crawling with tourists, but no one came to the coasts if they could avoid it.

In the small canteen, they found Rey at a table, three cups in front of her. “I got some hot chocolate,” she said, signing for BB, who picked a cup up with a grateful hum.

“Where’s Maz?” Finn asked.

“She had business to take care of,” Rey answered, distracted.

“You okay?” Finn asked, and Rey nodded, attempting a smile that lay flat on her face. “What happened? Did Maz say something?”

“It’s all right,” Rey said. “She just had some questions about Plutt.”

That was a lie, but Rey looked tired and sad, and so Finn said, “I hope she’s going to take over his operation.”

“I think she has plans,” Rey said, relaxing a tiny bit.

They spent the ride there, he and Rey huddled together, BB bent over the tablet. Maz returned, bringing more sandwiches, and Finn snatched them from BB, who scowled and kicked his ankle under the table.

Finn estimated they were about a half hour from Anchorage when BB made a low, distressed noise, fingers flying over the tablet before looking up, a bit wild around the eyes.

“What is it?” Rey asked, hands forming the correct signs.

BB shoved the tablet over to her, and Finn pressed close, hooking his chin over her shoulder to see the screen. It took a moment to sort through all the readings, and Rey got there faster than he did, sucking in a sharp breath, eyes wide. It was real time updates from the breach. That large spike three hours ago meant an exothermic reaction, and then he watched as the breach slowly sucked all that heat back in.

“Something came through,” he said.

“Can you track it?” Rey asked, placing the tablet down to sign. BB leaned across the table, tapping the screen.

Four months ago, Siren blew out the breach’s sensors before going deep and attempting to avoid tracking as it swam towards San Francisco. This time the kaiju basically rang the metaphorical bell over the door and was making no effort to hide the fact it was heading straight for Anchorage.

San Francisco was the site of the first attack, but Anchorage was a tragedy. Reckoner had targeted the academy on Kodiak Island, killing a whole class of rangers before moving on to Anchorage proper. Whole swaths of the city was leveled, and the shatterdome itself had to be rebuilt. And now, so soon after Siren came through on the anniversary of K-Day, a kaiju was returning to the place of one of the monsters’ greatest victories.

“The captain must have gotten the warning,” Maz said as the ferry picked up steam. “The streets will be clear at least.”

BB took the tablet back, hands moving so fast that Finn had trouble keeping up.

“Time to head to the van,” Maz said as the announcement came over the speakers, urging everyone back to their vehicles and that transportation would be provided at the port to take all passengers to the nearest shelter.

Around them all the other passengers’ were moving, years of living under the kaiju threat had made everyone damn good at following orders. But underneath the fear was a terrible weariness. Attacks had been increasing, rangers dying, Jaegers left dead on cold, empty shores, and all had become inured to the panic, the dread that this time the kaiju would come ashore, would make its terrible way from coast to coast, crushing them in its wake.

Unspoken, he and Rey flanked BB, who barely looked up from the tablet screen. It looked like messages in real time were scrolling on the left, and Finn thought he saw Poe’s name, but it was gone as BB pulled up yet another tab, flicking between three different readouts so fast that Finn had no idea if xe even absorbed any of the information.

Once in the van, Maz started the engine, turning back on her terrible trumpet and drum music, tapping her fingers to the beat. As they waited for the ferry to dock, Rey folded Finn’s hand in her own. Her fingers were cold but steady, which was more than Finn could say about himself. In San Francisco, when the kaiju warning sounded, it had been Poe who had steadied Finn, and now he desperately wanted to be that for Rey.

“It’ll be all right,” he said quietly, and Rey nodded once, a quick jerk of her head. “Hey,” he added, tightening his grip. “We’ll get BB to the shatterdome, and then xe and Poe will kick this thing’s ass, yeah?”

“Yeah,” Rey agreed softly.

Finn could see Maz watching them in the rearview mirror, and he made a face at her. She smiled and said, “We finished docking. We’re on our way now.”

It took longer than Finn liked for them to finally get out, driving past the buses waiting to take those without their own transportation to shelters. As Maz predicted, the streets were empty as this time the Kaiju Warning System had done its job.

Anchorage was different that San Francisco. It was lower, for one thing, not nearly as many skyscrapers or even relatively tall buildings. It was smaller, more spread out as if to make itself seem larger, and Finn tried to imagine what it would look like in another month, buried under ice and snow, a terrible claustrophobic thing waiting for the spring thaw. He should have stayed down south.

“Here we are,” Maz said, and then the shatterdome rose out of the landscape, like it was just waiting to be noticed.

It was perched on the shore, a large hangar climbing up from the low, sprawling building. Unlike the rest of Anchorage architecture, which was designed to be aesthetically pleasing, the shatterdome was utilitarian, built for a single purpose. The Jaeger bays, at least a dozen, jutted out into the water, waiting for the Jaeger to be carried to the drop point.

Anchorage had once hosted half a dozen Jaegers, but now, Finn remembered, there was one left, and the kaiju were coming for it.

Without even bothering to slow, Maz turned down the single road leading to the ‘dome, and at the first checkpoint she merely raised her eyebrows at the guard through the window before immediately being waved through.

“They know you?” Rey asked, gaze carefully focused on Maz.

“Of course,” Maz answered as they approached another checkpoint. This time they were stopped, but BB leaned forward, waving xyr badge, and they were once again waved through.

Maz pulled them up in front of the main entrance, left the keys in the ignition and hustled them out. Finn kept a tight hold of Rey’s hand as BB led them inside, impatiently waving them to catch up. Maz followed at a sedate pace, serene and refusing to be hurried.

Finn wasn’t sure what he was expecting, maybe something white and sterile, but the shatterdome was anything but: it was worn, lived in, a building that had seen more than its fair share of the war. BB led them down twisting corridor after twisting corridor, xyr steps quick and confident, and more than one person stepped aside and saluted.

And then BB pushed open double doors, and suddenly Finn was in an honest to god Jaeger bay. It stretched before them, open and airy, like a holy place. J-techs pushed past, shouting to one another, everyone focused on the task before them.

“Oh,” Rey breathed.

And there she was, Nova Hyperion, slowly being towed to her station. She was battered and scarred and so beautiful. And Finn, who didn’t find solace in faith, who never had the urge to pray, felt something like reverence wash over him.

And then BB suddenly darted forward, neatly dodging around everyone else in the hangar as xe unerringly ran towards Poe. Poe immediately caught sight of xyr, as if he had honed in on BB’s small frame even in the midst of the chaos, closing the distance and grabbing BB close, his head bent next to xyrs. Poe’s grin creased the corners of his eyes, and Finn’s stomach swooped briefly before righting itself.

BB’s hands flew fast and furious, Poe answering with slower, steady movements. And then BB signed emphatically and Poe looked over, and Finn couldn’t have run even if he wanted to. He half-lifted his hand in a wave, and Poe fucking _beamed_ at him, as if Finn was the greatest thing Poe had ever seen.

It was as if his spine lit up, like he had been dunked in a live electric current, all his nerves fizzing and popping. And then he ran to meet Poe, who grabbed him, held him close.

“Buddy,” Poe said, arms tight around Finn’s shoulders. “Holy shit, you’re actually here.”

“Hi,” Finn said lamely, but Poe was still grinning, leaning back just far enough to grip Finn’s biceps. “I'm sorry I didn’t wait for you,” Finn said in a rush before lost his nerve. “I had to help those kids and then—”

“It’s all right. It’s fine,” Poe said. “You’re here now.”

Finn nodded dumbly, realized he was still holding Poe’s waist, let go. Poe seemed to notice he was rubbing his thumbs in small circles because he stopped, which wasn’t exactly what Finn meant to happen.

“Is that my jacket?” Poe asked.

“Oh, sorry,” Finn said, moving to shrug it off, but Poe immediately pulled it back around him, smoothing it down before stepping back.

“No, keep it,” he said, eyes dark and intent. “It looks good on you.”

Finn had no response to that, to the way Poe was looking at him, so he said, “Thanks.”

“Thank you,” Poe answered. “You helped BB get back.”

“I just drove a truck. Rey’s the one who did the all the hard parts.” He glanced over his shoulder to where Rey was watching them, shifting uneasily as if she was going to run. Before Finn could wave her over, BB did it for him, bouncing to her side and practically dragging her forward.

“Thank you,” Poe said seriously, glancing to where BB was signing enthusiastically. “You helped BB get the specimen at great risk to yourself.”

Rey blushed, and it was about the cutest thing Finn had ever seen. “I just helped. Xe did it on xyr own.”

“Trust me, I know that,” Poe said, a touch sour, and BB’s smile went angelic. Poe’s attention then switched to Maz. “And I owe you thanks as well.”

“I’ll add it to your tab,” Maz answered, and Poe snorted. “Quite the excitement here,” she added.

And Poe’s smile dropped, leaving him looking worn down, like when Finn found him at the Wall. How many times, Finn wondered, did Poe send out rangers? How many of his friends died fighting monsters?

“Maz,” Poe said, and Finn could practically feel Poe switching over to ranger mode, “you know where the mess is. Could you please—”

“Dameron!” a ranger shouted, jogging over. “You’re needed in LOCCENT. The hell have you been?”

She was shorter than Rey, Finn noted, and striking. She was Asian, hair pulled back in a very complex braid, and she had an open, expressive face, which meant there was no mistaking her annoyance with Poe.

BB gave a shout, rushing over, and the ranger softened in something like relief, hugging BB and affectionately ruffling xyr curls. “Hey, kid,” she said, signing slowly if confidently. “Good to see you back. Poe was giving himself worry lines over you.”

BB snorted, and whatever xe signed made the ranger laugh and Poe to sigh and look heavenward as if asking for strength.

“Jess,” Poe said, “this is Rey and Finn, who helped BB. This is Ranger Jessika Pava.”

“Well, shit,” Jess said. “You’re Finn? You know, I almost believed Poe made you up. ‘Finn was so smart. Finn kept everyone safe.’”

Poe’s glare went murderous.

“Well,” said Finn, ignoring the flush creeping up his neck, “I'm real.”

“Oh, I can see that,” she said with a worrying grin. BB signed something, quick and emphatic, and then Jess turned to Rey, expression thoughtful. “BB said you kicked the shit out of some assholes.”

“I can handle myself,” said Rey.

Jess’ gaze tracked to the staff still slung over Rey’s back. “Is that kaiju bone?” She closed the distance, reaching out to lightly touch the staff.

“It’s from a femur,” Rey said, eyes gone wide and startled.

“Nice,” said Jess quietly, and then seemed to notice how close she leaned in. She jerked back, blinking furiously. “We’re needed,” she said to Poe, who was intently watching the exchange.

Rey took his hand, and Finn held her back. They did what they set out to do, brought BB safely back, but faced with Poe, wearing Poe’s jacket, Finn was afraid to be sent away.

Poe glanced at their clasped hands and then over to Jess, who said, “You explain to the Marshal. She likes you best.”

“Maz,” Poe said.

“I know my way out,” Maz said. “I’ll be in touch. Good hunting, rangers.”

“You’re with us,” Poe said before Finn could ask what was happening.

“With you?” Rey said.

“In LOCCENT,” Jess said, and BB pushed them both forward so that they had no choice but to follow Jess and Poe across the hangar to a small lift.

“Is that allowed?” Finn asked.

“I don’t see why not,” Poe said, looking back and smiling.

Jess snorted. “Just be quiet and stay out of the way and it’s fine. We’ll work everything out after the drop’s done. Besides, Marshal Organa has a soft spot for this asshole.”

“You know,” Poe said as they all crowded on the small lift, “I am technically your superior.”

Jess made an unimpressed noise, which was echoed by BB as the lift rose to the second level. Once more BB prodded Finn and Rey forward, and it was like that, flanked on either side by Jess and Poe, BB right behind them, that they found themselves in LOCCENT. They were spared a curious glance, but most of the techs were too intent on their stations to be bothered by any interlopers.

Like the rest of shatterdome, everything in LOCCENT was built for a single purpose, looks be damned. It was dominated by three large screens, already displaying readings for Nova Hyperion. The main console was a mass of wires and cables, turning the floor into a potential broken ankle.

“Oh good, you finally decided to show up,” a tech said. He was a large man with a thick beard, thick eyebrows, and an amused twist to his mouth.

Unlike with Poe and Jess, BB greeted him sedately, just raising one fist for the man to bump, his other hand wrapped around a cane that he used to help lever himself to his feet.

“Snap,” said Jess as Poe sighed and scrubbed a hand over his face, “this is Finn and Rey.”

“Finn?” Snap’s eyebrows raised. “And here I thought he made you up.”

“He didn’t,” said Finn, looking helplessly at Poe.

“Okay,” Poe said loudly. “We have a Category III incoming. Let’s get moving, people.”

“Now he wants to work,” Snap said.

“Mmm,” Jess agreed. “You should have seen the little display in the hangar.”

“Oh, a display, huh?” Snap said, smirking.

“ _Enough_ ,” Poe snapped. “Updates.”

“Category III, sir,” Snap said as BB grabbed a free chair and pushed over to Nova Hyperion’s readouts. Finn couldn’t tell what xe was doing, but Rey looked on in interest. “Codename Draugr. Currently traveling at twenty-four knots. Estimated time until it reaches the Mile is forty-five minutes.”

“Status on Nova Hyperion,” Poe said.

BB typed out RANGERS YANG AND AN SUITED AND IN ROUTE TO CONN-POD.

Rey drifted closer to the screen displaying the drive suit readings. “I'm assuming this synchs up with Nova when the neural handshake is initiated?” she asked.

Jess’ eyebrows rose. “Yes, although their health monitoring will be kept separate from the AI. If they get lost in the drift, if they can’t distance themselves from Nova,” Jess broke off, shaking her head. “You need to keep a bit of yourself separate.”

“Well put, Pava,” and Jess was suddenly snapping to attention, Poe doing the same from where he had taken up position next to BB. Even Snap straightened in his chair.

“Ma’am,” Jess said.

And Marshal Leia Organa, one of the very first Jaeger pilots, who had more drops to her name than any other ranger, who lost a husband and a son and a brother, who was steady and unmovable as the earth itself, smiled at them.

“You must be Finn,” she said. “And you are?”

“Rey,” Rey said, her hand finding Finn’s again.

Organa flicked a look at Poe, who merely nodded in response. “Well,” she said, “if I tell you to leave you will immediately do so, understood?”

“Yes, ma’am,” Finn said. “Um, do you want us to go?”

“You can observe,” said Organa. “Consider this independent study before you start classes.”

Finn frowned, confused, confusion made worse by the way Poe flashed them a wide grin before turning back to the display at Organa’s side.

“Conn-pod descending,” Snap reported. “Yang and An are in harness.”

NEURAL HANDSHAKE INITALIZING, BB reported. RIGHT AND LEFT HEMISPHERES ALIGNED.

Finn watched as Yang So-Yi’s and An Yuna’s minds connected, as their brain waves overlapped, remade themselves to fit one another. Their breathing slowed, synched up, even their heartbeats an echo of each other’s.

It was humbling to witness. Scores of literature had been written about the handshake, the drift, most of it fiction that had saturated the marketplace those first years before rangers began dying. All the stories had made it seem romantic, and Finn could understand that, but it was all wrong. Standing here, watching as Nova Hyperion carefully, precisely slid into a fencing position, Finn thought that love couldn’t even begin to cover what co-pilots were to one another.

“Rangers,” Organa said. “This is a Category III. You are to hold it inside the Miracle Mile. Black Squadron will provide what support it can, but Scarlet Rapier is still down for repairs. Chrome Brutus is on its way from Vladivostok, but for now it is just you. You will hold it. Understood?”

“Yes, ma’am,” An reported. “We will not let it through.”

Finn didn’t expect the quiet as Nova Hyperion was lifted and flown to the drop point. There was the murmured updates, BB and Snap spinning from one station to another, keeping track of the kaiju’s progress, but otherwise they all stood watch in silence, as if they were honoring Nova, Finn realized. As if paying their last respects.

“LOCCENT,” An reported. “We have contact. Moving to engage.”

“Keep your distance,” Poe said. “Try to rely on ranged attacks. I don’t want it getting its claws into you.”

“Understood,” Yang said.

The visual of the drop was uneven, grainy given how Black Squadron was keeping its distance. The only ones with a higher mortality rate than the Jaeger pilots were those in the helicopters keeping eyes on the kaiju. Entire squadrons of copters and jets had been taken down by an idle swipe of a kaiju’s tail, of the snap of their jaws, and still they went out, over and over again.

Draugr rose upward, water sliding down its scaled back. It had four arms, long, spindly things with an extra joint. Unlike Siren, it was heavy set, solid, so white as to be translucent. It had a long snout, above which sat four eyes, each swiveling independently of the others.

Draugr lashed out first, a quick jab that Nova easily sidestepped. The fight was fast, Jaeger and kaiju testing the other, seeking weaknesses. Yang and An, Finn remembered, where Olympic fencers before they were recruited, and depended on the long blade extending from the right arm. Whereas other Jaegers were brawlers, Nova presented only their side, looking for that one opening to slide their blade in.

They continued to trade glancing blows, Draugr parrying every one of Nova’s strikes with one of its arms. The scales had to be resistant to Nova’s blade because there was no sign of blue, nothing to indicate Nova managed to slice through Draugr’s defense.

Draugr attempted to close, and Nova evaded, carefully backing up, keeping its back to shore.

“Black Squadron,” Yang said, voice calm and even. If she or An were frustrated or worried, neither showed it. Their pulses were regular, unhurried. “Do you see any weak points?”

“Negative, Nova,” Black One reported. “Watch your port side. It’s trying to close in.”

Yang and An were fencers, Finn thought. Draugr had four limbs, two of which were always engaging Nova’s blade. If it were him, how would he get past their defenses?

“Rey,” he said quietly, “where is Nova’s core located?”

Rey glanced at Nova’s schematics, brow furrowed. “Lower back. She’s a newer model. They moved the reactor out of the chest cavity. What are you thinking?”

“Not sure,” he said absently. Kaiju were monsters, but they were also weapons. Every part of them was designed to cause as much damage as possible. Draugr was sent to Anchorage for a reason.

Poe stepped into BB’s line of sight. “Can the anti-kaiju missiles penetrate the scale?” he asked, his words appearing on the screen as he spoke. “At least enough to give Nova an opening?”

BB tilted xyr head to the side. THE MISSLES WERE DESIGNED TO BURROW INTO THE KAIJU. IF NOTHING ELSE IT MIGHT STRIP SOME OF THE SCALES FREE.

“Nova,” Organa said. “Use your missiles. Aim for Draugr’s chest and head.”

“Copy,” Yang replied.

“Wait,” Finn said. “Don’t—”

But Nova already fired one volley. Draugr _twisted,_ it’s heavy body suddenly flowing like mercury. One missile missed, another glancing harmlessly off the left flank. The third connected with Darugr’s left lower arm. It hung, useless, but before Nova could so much as pivot, two more arms ripped free from the torso.

“Nova, disengage!” Poe snapped.

One arm caught Nova’s blade, forcing the entire arm down, throwing Nova off balance. Two of its other limbs twisted Nova’s left arm back, and there was a terrible scream as the metal tore at the elbow.

“Nova, status report,” Organa ordered, still and calm as everything erupted around her.

“Left arm compromised,” Yang said. Her and An’s heartbeats rocketed, but the handshake held firm. “Right arm is trapped but still functional.” She grunted as Draugr forced them backwards. “Attempting to free ourselves.”

“It’s going for the reactor,” Finn said. “It’s still got an arm free. Nova has to free herself _now.”_

“Nova, did you hear that?” Poe demanded. “Use your secondary stabilizers. Throw the bastard off.”

But Draugr threw its weight forward, and when Nova staggered it crushed Nova to its chest, the last of its limbs twining around to claw at her back. Draugr’s jaws opened, and it bit at Nova’s shoulder, neck, canines scrapping against the conn-pod.

“They got multiple breaches,” Jess reported. “Reactor is intact, but plating is gone. Nova, you need to reroute power to radiation shielding. You’re leaking.”

“Negative,” Yang grunted. “Routing power to the arms.”

Rey suddenly darted forward, nudging BB aside so she could get at the controls.

“What are you doing?” Jess hissed.

“Look,” Rey said, fingers flying over the keyboard. “If Nova reroutes power from both leg hydraulics, she should be able to break the hold.”

“But then she won’t have the power to fucking move,” Jess argued.

“She won’t need to,” Finn said, seeing it unfold before him. “If she throws it off and then feints, sort of slumps down to the left, Draugr will take it as an opening.” At Poe’s incredulous look, Finn said, “Draugr wants to get to the reactor. Blow that and Nova is done. That’s the primary objective. Nova relies on her blade. Look how many arms it has. It’s not a coincidence.”

“Four to immobilize and then two to get to the reactor,” Poe said, understanding dawning.

“We can use that against it,” Finn said, speaking so fast the words tangled on his tongue. “If we let it get what it wants, it’ll be too focused on its objective to notice anything else.”

“Like a reactor overloading,” Rey said, and Finn nodded.

Poe drew in a deep breath. “Is it possible to use the reactor against the kaiju?”

“Maybe,” Jess said, glancing at Rey.

Rey nodded. “Deliberately overload it, and then vent the excess heat and radiation into the kaiju, it might be enough to weaken the scales, but Nova’s system will crash almost immediately. It won’t give them a lot of time.”

“It will be enough,” Organa said. “Rangers, did you hear the plan?”

“Yes, ma’am,” Yang answered. “Diverting power. Yuna, get ready.”

It happened quickly. Power diverted, Nova broke the hold, Yang shouting defiance. Draugr staggered back. It reached up, ripped free its dead arm. Nova shuddered, went down, back exposed, and the kaiju leapt.

“Motherfucker,” An cursed as Nova was pushed to her knees. “Venting coolant. So-Yi, get that shielding down.”

Draugr slammed the talons of four of its limbs into Nova, dragged them down the length of her back. Yang and An screamed, their nervous system lighting up. But they didn’t pause, didn’t collapse under the pain.

“Initiating overload,” Yang ground out. “An, you take the shot. You were always better.”

“About time you admitted it,” An said. “ _Now.”_

The reactor overloaded, and Draugr roared as it burned, stumbling back, all of its limbs curled protectively around its chest, like a hurt child. Every system crashing, Nova stood, turned, and with perfect grace and precision, ran Draugr through.

For a moment they were locked together, Jaeger and kaiju, two monsters mirroring one another, and then Nova yanked its blade free, and Draugr fell, jaws open, swallowing sea water as it died.

Nova slowly folded, dropping to her knees, one good arm to catch herself.

THEY’RE LOSING OXYGEN, BB reported.

“Auto eject still functional,” Snap reported.

“Get them out now,” Organa said.

And as Nova Hyperion’s heart burned out, Yang So-Yi and An Yuna’s life pods jettisoned, and for a moment, a flicker so fast Finn could never be sure, Nova curved forward, braced above her pilots, one final act of protection.

“Life signs are strong,” Snap reported. “They’re good.”

“Send out the containment teams,” Organa ordered. “We have both kaiju blue and radiation to clean up. I want this under control within the hour.”

“Already on it,” Snap said.

“Now,” Organa said, and Finn had to force himself not to shrink under that look. In the corner of his eye he saw Rey lift her chin. “I think the three of us should have a talk.”

 

 

 

Finn never put much thought about what Marshal Organa’s office would be like, but he figured it would be structured, organized, functional. Instead there was at least three dirty coffee mugs that Finn could see, one balanced precariously on the corner of the desk, which was piled high with papers, books, tablets, a plate with a half eaten sandwich, and four uncapped pens that Finn was doing his best not to notice. It was a mess, and not even one that seemed to have some sort of organizational system at its heart.

The whole office was like: a lived in mess of a woman who had more important matters to attend to than tidying up. It was nice, Finn decided, even if he had to stifle the urge to start straightening piles of paper.

“Do you think we’re in trouble?” he asked. They had been shown in by the marshal’s assistant, told to wait, and then left alone for, Finn carefully shifted several books to the side to catch a glance at the clock on the desk, almost an hour now.

“I don’t think so,” Rey said. “I doubt they leave people in trouble alone in the marshal’s office.”

“Good point,” he said, sliding down in the chair. Marshal Organa had really good taste in chairs. They were well padded and very comfortable. Hell, if they had to wait another hour he would definitely doze off in it. “What do you think they want with us?”

“No idea,” Rey said, corner of her mouth twitching up. “I bet Poe would tell you if you asked real nice.”

“Shut up,” he muttered, embarrassed for no reason. _You’re actually here,_ Poe had said, like he had been given a gift. Even now, the thought made Finn feel warm, like there were tiny embers at the base of his skull.

“Are those schematics?” Rey suddenly asked, leaning forward and snagging a rolled tube from Organa’s desk.

“I'm pretty sure we’re not allowed to go through her things,” Finn said, batting Rey’s hands to no avail.

She unrolled the paper, sucking in a quick breath. “Oh, Finn,” she said softly before kneeling on the floor, carefully smoothing the schematic out before her.

“What?” he asked, reluctantly dragged himself out of the chair, crouching next to Rey. Unlike Rey, he wasn’t good with machines, beyond the few things he learned to fix over the years. Korr had a temperamental old toaster that broke down more often than not, but this, well, this was a hell of a lot more complicated than a ten year old kitchen appliance. “That’s a Jaeger.”

“It’s the Millennium Falcon,” Rey said, still so quiet she might as well be whispering.

“But it was retired,” Finn said.

“These are upgrades. Look, they’ve added three rear jets. She’s going to be hard to catch now.”

“Wait,” Finn hissed as Rey scrambled to her feet, shifting through the piles on Organa’s desk. “What are you doing?”

“There has to be more information if they’re rebuilding her,” Rey said. “I just want to see the specs.”

“You are definitely going to get us in trouble,” he said, but Rey ignored him, pulling out another schematic.

“Huh,” she said, unrolling it. “This is not for Falcon.”

“That would be because it’s Black Rebel,” Marshal Organa said, because this was Finn’s life and timing never worked out in his favor.

“We didn’t mean to look through your things,” he said quickly, rolling up the schematic and scrambling to his feet. “We are very sorry, Marshal.”

“It’s quite all right,” Organa said, gently taking the schematic from Finn. “We did leave you alone for awhile.”

“We?” Finn asked weakly, only for Poe to walk in.

“Sorry, sorry,” he said, running one hand through his hair. “I had to deal with BB. Oh, you found the blueprints.”

“I thought both Rebel and Falcon were retired,” Rey said.

“They were,” Organa answered, waving them back to their seats. Finn carefully sat, gently tugging Rey’s arm until she did the same.

Rey’s attention was still on the schematic, brow furrowed. “Is this an IB22 Plasmacaster?”

“It is,” Poe said. “BB’s idea. Xe wants to add a second control panel for it.”

“Makes sense,” Rey said. “The I-19 targeting system was basically useless. It also had a tendency to overheat if more than three clips were fired.”

“Seriously?” Finn asked, gesturing for Rey to hand over the blueprint. “That’s just poor planning. Does this thing have a decent heat sink?”

“I’ll have to actually see the specs on it,” Rey answered. “I'm assuming they fixed that problem otherwise why bother, but then again they still struggle with magnetorheological dampers.”

Organa cleared her throat, and Rey flushed, rolling up the schematic and handing it back. “Well,” Organa said, “that answers that question.”

“Question?” Finn asked.

“Tell me,” Organa continued, “how did you know Draugr would react like it did?”

“It made sense,” Finn said. “Yang and An have been the only pilots for Nova, so their style is well known. Most of the drops have been with another Jaeger, right?”

“Yes,” Poe answered. “Rapier, mainly, as she’s closest. Chrome Brutus on a few occasions. One drop with Gold Leader.”

“But they’re spread out now,” Rey said. “And Scarlet Rapier is still down after San Francisco.”

Finn nodded. “Nova’s isolated, no backup, perfect opportunity to take her out.”

“And how did you know your feint would work?” Organa asked.

She was watching him closely, and Finn straightened his back, lifted his chin, and said, “It was what I would do.”

Organa smiled and leaned back. “I'm satisfied,” she said to Poe, who started to grin. “Welcome to the PPDC.”

“What?” Rey said.

“You’re officially being recruited,” Poe said. “Both of you. This academy session has already started. You’ll need to work hard to catch up with the other students, but I don’t think that’ll be a problem. I'm scheduled to return tomorrow morning, and I’ve already arranged for you to come along. I understand you weren’t able to bring any of your belongings with you from Kenai. I’ll organize a trip to retrieve anything you need.”

“I have no idea what’s happening,” Finn said, glancing at Rey who looked just as lost.

“Poe does like to get ahead of himself,” Organa said, giving Poe a fond look before sobering. “I will be blunt. Funding for the PPDC is being cut. We have enough left for one more academy session. All Jaeger production has been halted, and we can barely afford to keep the ones we have repaired, and you are both aware of the danger. That being said, I believe you both would be an invaluable asset. We would be lucky to have you.”

“Thank you,” Rey said slowly. “I'm—” she glanced at Finn. “ _We’re_ honored, but it’s a big decision.”

“Of course,” Organa said, sending Poe a quelling look when he opened his mouth. “Take all the time you need. We’ve arranged quarters for the night. And when you decide, either way, transportation will be provided.”

“Thank you, Marshal,” Finn said.

“No,” Organa said, gentle. “Thank you, both of you. Poe will show you to the room.”

At the door, Rey hesitated, and then asked, “Yang and An? Are they all right?”

“Yes,” Organa answered. “The neural processor on Nova Hyperion was damaged when they overloaded the reactor. The neural load took quite the toll on them, but they will make a full recovery.”

But they won’t pilot again, Finn thought. Nova was dead and even if another Jaeger was available, recovery from a neural overload took months.

“That’s good,” Finn said. “I was worried.”

“We all were,” Organa said, almost to herself.

Poe inclined his head, and he and Rey followed him out into the hall. It was quieter now than before, the frantic energy lulled into solemnity.

“It’s up to the containment teams now,” Poe said, leading them down identical corridors. “After the kaiju blue cleanup, Nova will be removed.”

“She’ll be broken up for parts?” Rey asked.

“She’s a Mark IV,” Poe said. “Her parts are compatible with Rapier and Whiskey Crisis. The rest will be taken to Oblivion Bay.”

“I'm sorry,” Finn said. Oblivion Bay was where all the fallen Jaegers were taken. Retired was the polite term, but buried would be more accurate.

“At least Yang and An survived,” Poe answered before giving a rueful laugh. “Not my best recruitment speech.”

“At least you’re honest,” Finn said as they stopped before a door identical to the last dozen they already past.

“This is you,” said Poe. “I'm just around the corner, fourth door on the left. If you continue straight down and then take a right, it’s a straight shot to the cafeteria. They pretty much have something available at all hours.”

“Right and then straight,” Finn said, “got it. I pretty much just want to sleep for the next twelve hours.”

Poe smiled. “Welcome to dealing with BB. We’ve all been there.” He cleared his throat. “I meant it, you know, about joining the academy. We would be lucky to have you.”

Finn nodded, unsure of what to say, and thank god for Rey because she said, “Thank you. We just need some time.”

“Yeah, of course.” Poe stepped back, and for a moment it felt like that little glow in Finn’s head dimmed. “Take whatever time you need. Like I said, I'm just around the corner.”

“Fourth door on the left,” Finn said, and Poe smiled again.

“You got it, buddy. Get some sleep.”

“You too,” said Finn because Poe looked, well, not terrible, but pale, worn down. How many had he lost? Finn wondered. Yang and An weren’t the first, nor would they be the last.

“Good night,” Rey said firmly, and Finn blinked, realizing he and Poe had been staring at each other. She tugged him inside, and Finn lifted one hand in a wave that Poe returned before continuing on down the hall.

The room was small, functional, just two beds against the wall with a small space in between.

“Oh good, bed,” Finn said, and collapsed on the left one.

He could hear Rey moving around, and he turned his head to see her kick off her shoes before lying on the other bed, curling on her side.

“Are you going back?” she asked.

Finn rolled over onto his back. “To Kenai?”

“Yes.”

“I don’t know.” It was cold in the base, and he tugged at the blanket folded at the foot of the bed. “I was just there for work.”

“No family?”

He shrugged. “Don’t really have a family. My parents died. Kaiju attack. My foster mom, she lives in San Francisco, but other than that, it’s just me. You?”

“I have— _had_ a family,” she said after a long pause. “It’s only me now.”

“We’ll have a lot of catching up to do,” Finn said. “I heard that at least half the class doesn’t make it past the first cut. We’ll be behind in the coursework. Well, I will. You pretty much have everything on lock.”

“What?” Rey said.

“You know your way around a Jaeger, and I'm pretty sure you got a leg up on the k-science courses. You better help me out.” When Rey just stared at him, silent, he added, “And if you hate the academy or whatever, we can always go back to Kenai. Or, hey, you ever been to San Francisco? We can stay with Korr, my foster mom, for a few days, and then continue on down south. Never been out of the States before.”

“You and me,” Rey said slowly.

“Yeah,” Finn said around a yawn. “Whatever you want to do, but I kind of figured you’d want to give the academy a shot. You said you wanted to help back at Maz’s.”

There was another silence, but it was comfortable, almost contemplative. Rey said, “I want to go to the academy.”

“Cool. We’ll do that.”

“Okay,” Rey said, and then, “Take you shoes off before you go to sleep.”

Finn kicked them off, forcing himself to sit up long enough to slide the jacket off, carefully folding it and placing it at the foot of the bed near the wall where he would be less likely to kick it to the floor.

“Is that Poe’s jacket?” Rey asked casually.

Finn eyed her suspiciously, but Rey just smiled. “Yeah. He gave it to me back in San Francisco. Can’t really afford a good coat or anything.”

“It’s nice,” she said, waiting just long enough for Finn to relax before adding, “He seems nice, too.”

“I am too tired to figure out what you’re getting at,” he said, flopping back down and wrestling with the blanket.

“I'm not getting at anything,” Rey said, shedding her own outer layers. “You hungry?”

“Not right now,” Finn said, and Rey turned out the lights.

He was just on the edge of sleep when Rey said, “If the academy doesn’t work out, we can go somewhere else?”

“Anywhere you want,” Finn said, “just me and you.”

“Me and you,” Rey echoed. “Sounds fun.”

There in the dark, with Rey across from him and that slow unspooling of warmth all along his spine, Finn slept.


	4. Chapter 4

Rey never had people. There was her and then there was everyone else, and that was the way of things. She might have done work for Plutt, but Rey was her own operation. She never required help to sift through the shores looking for Jaeger parts that the PPDC left behind. That was what she was good at it: learning how machinery worked, how to take it apart, adapt it to her needs, rebuild.

Scavenging a kaiju was different. It required a team, a whole swarm of workers to carefully dissect and carry off all that was useful. When she was young, Plutt had her polishing the talons of Reckoner, smoothing them down until they shone like something precious. And then when Plutt saw how good she was with her hands, she was made to strip scales from kaiju flesh, stitching them together into armor meant to be worn under shirts and jackets.

When Mutavore was killed, Plutt was awarded scavenging rights when Maz refused. Rey didn’t get it at the time—scavenging was profitable—but now she knew Poe, saw the way he carried himself, and she understood why Maz would want no part of Mutavore.

Food had been scarce that winter, and so when Plutt offered, Rey accepted, and she was sent out, the first and last time she stepped inside a kaiju corpse. The rations she made lasted her through the winter, but the clothes she wore had to be burned, her hair shorn off, and it took almost a year to grow it back out, and the entire time she was terrified her family would return only unable to recognize her.

And sometimes she still caught herself remembering what it felt like to step into a monster, her feet sinking into soft tissue, and on those days she took the bike she made from Jaeger parts and rode for hours, trying to convince herself it would be okay if she left Kenai, if she left Alaska all together. But at night she would return to the slums and her small home, and in the morning she would wake and get back to work.

But now, oh, now she woke up to Finn in the morning and went to sleep to Finn at night, and not being alone had become important in a way that frightened her, made her feel like she was peeling herself open for inspection, and she didn’t know what would pour out.

Most days when she got out of bed Finn had already been up for an hour. He would bring her a cup of tea, and then they would have breakfast with the rest of their small class before heading to lecture and training, followed by studying late into the night.

It was exhausting and difficult and she loved every grueling moment.

After dragging herself to and from the showers—hot water! whenever she wanted!—she returned to Finn hunched over the desk, scrolling through his tablet with three textbooks feathered open before him. Two mugs sat at his elbow, and without turning he held one out to her.

“No masala chai today,” he said. “But there was some earl gray left.”

“Thank you,” Rey said, taking it from him. She didn’t need to sip it to know that it had the perfect amount of milk in it. After the first time, when Finn had added too much milk and sugar and she did her best to hide her grimace, Finn had taken it upon himself to get it right every morning. Even now, when she thought about it, Rey had to bite down on her smile.

“What’s that?” she asked. She placed the mug down before deftly twisting her wet hair up into a bun. On days when she had time, she would carefully dry and brush her hair before pulling it back into its customary style. But mostly she and Finn were up and out the door before dawn had even officially broke, and it was easier to just secure it and go.

“The neural bridge,” Finn said, grimacing.

She leaned over his shoulder. “You aced the test on that last week.”

“Not that,” Finn said. “I'm talking about the Pons system. There’s never been a case of pilots managing to reestablish the connection once it’s been broken without access to the Pons at the shatterdome. I'm trying to figure out if it’s possible to jumpstart it.”

“Like in a dead Jaeger?” Rey asked, and Finn nodded. “Theoretically, it should work. The conn-pod has all the same components as LOCCENT. But if the pilots are thrown out of the drift mid-drop, something traumatic must have happened. It would be hard reestablishing the handshake.”

“But not impossible,” Finn said. His tablet was covered in the equations that made the handshake possible, and Rey only caught a glimpse of Finn’s personal notes before he turned it off.

“Why are you looking into it?” Rey asked, though she could guess.

Yesterday they were cloistered in a small classroom away from the main lecture halls. There they were taught every drop that resulted in a ranger’s death. It was what every academy class went through, a rite of passage that they left them different and changed. It was a ranger’s legacy, continuing on even as they died, one by one, until the shores stood empty and silent.

“Pay attention,” Marshal Calrissian said. “I don’t want to see any waterworks. You can mourn them later. Your only job now is to learn from their mistakes and to stay alive.”

And so they listened to the black box recordings, to Leia Organa screaming and pounding on the life pod when Han Solo jettisoned her, Millennium Falcon crippled and trapped. And they all bowed their heads as Organa begged and pleaded and then finally cursed Solo as Ragnarök dragged Millennium Falcon down deep. Solo’s body was never recovered.

And then it was Foxtrot Brave, conn-pod clawed open, her pilots pried out. Night Marcher, drowned off the coast of Hawai’i. Fury Shrike, neural overload within Tokyo’s Miracle Mile. Zulu Swift ripped apart by Raiju. Ben Organa lost in Black Rebel. Raptor Nocturne downed by Sharkhead off the cost of Auckland.

And still the names came, the rangers defiant and angry and frightened, but always calling out to one another, never alone.

After each one, after they listened to the terrible echoing as the recording ticked over into silence, Calrissian asked, “What did they do wrong? What would you do to stay alive?”

But they had no answers, nothing beyond _be stronger, be faster, be better_ , and at the end Calrissian looked at them with tired eyes. “You better figure it out,” he said. “Dismissed.”

Rey was no closer to an answer now then she had been yesterday. And neither was Finn, judging by his frustrated sigh as he scrubbed a hand over his head.

“Hey,” she said softly, and when he looked at her, she said, “You still want to stay?”

“Of course,” Finn answered, and Rey wasn’t good with touch, not like Finn, who found it easy to reach out, let Rey know he was still there. But she was getting better, making herself better, and it was easier now to let herself drift into him, his shoulder pressed along her ribs, a reminder that they were not alone, not anymore.

“What do we have today?” he asked when Rey gently pulled away.

“Engineering lecture,” she answered. “We have K-science afterwards and then Kwoon training.”

Finn groaned. “I changed my mind. We should totally leave. I hear Idaho is nice this time of year.”

“You will never go to Idaho,” Rey said, because Finn was like her, a kid from the coasts, and neither of them would be satisfied without the constant background sound of the waves. “Let’s go.”

There wasn’t enough time to stop at the mess for breakfast, instead hurrying on to the lecture hall where Pamich slid over two blueberry muffins with a raised eyebrow. “What made you late this time?” she asked.

“Pons system,” Rey answered. “Finn’s trying to figure out if you can reestablish the neural handshake in a malfunctioning Jaeger if you’ve been broken out of it.”

“Let me see your notes at lunch,” Pamich said. “There has to be variables between the different Mark generations, yeah?”

“It’s just something I was toying with,” Finn said. “It’s probably nothing.

“Your boy needs to work on his self-esteem,” Pamich said to Rey. “He and you are both top of the class. He’s on to something.”

Most everyone at Kodiak had taken to calling Finn that, _your boy._ The first time Finn grinned and said, “Damn straight,” while Rey had basked in the swell of pride in her chest, that people would look at them and just know she and Finn belonged to each other, like that was the natural order of things.

Now there was a sharp rap and they all took their seats, looking to the front of the room, expecting to see Professor C. Bacca. No one could agree where he was from. He was tall, dark skinned, with an ever present welcoming grin. His bushy beard and thick eyebrows reminded Rey of the father of the Tlingit family that would trade with her throughout the winter. Whatever his native language was, and there were multiple theories, the most prominent being some obscure dialect of Farsi, no one understood it. He did speak English, accent thick and hard to understand if you weren’t used to it, but almost two months in and their class had adapted well enough to follow all of the professor’s lectures on Jaeger tech, even the esoteric history ones. It helped that Professor Bacca was very expressive and very patient. Rey got the feeling he saw them as kids who he was determined to protect.

But there was no Professor Bacca to loom over the class. Instead Jessika Pava sat behind the desk, feet propped up. “Morning, nuggets,” she said. “I’ll be filling in today. We’re going to go over what to do when you’re experiencing a massive system failure in the Jaeger’s AI. Who wants to explain the basics to me? No, not you,” she said, pointing at Rey. “You’ve already gotten your independent study in on that. You.”

She pointed to Bartel Edom, who said, “The AI is the interface between the pilots and the Jaeger itself. It makes the neural handshake possible.”

“Nice textbook answer,” Pava said, “and inadequate, which for our purposes counts as wrong. Who wants to give it another shot?”

Pamich cleared her throat and said, “It’s sort of like the third drift partner.”

Edom snorted, but Pava said, “Explain.”

“It relays all information to the pilots in the handshake,” Pamich continued, fingers tapping irregularly against the desk. “And even after the Jaeger is deployed, it continues that function as well as acknowledging all verbal commands. Without it, not only would the neural handshake be impossible but the pilots would not be able control the Jaeger.” She hesitated for a moment, and when Pava raised both her eyebrows, Pamich blurted, “Is it true? About ghost drifting, that the Jaeger AI remains active outside of the drift?”

Pava carefully lowered her legs, leaning forward and folding her hands together. “Have you been listening to the old techs tell stories? As soon as you leave the harness, the drift is broken.” She said it lightly, but her expression was carefully composed, blank.

“But Jaegers move without their pilots,” Pamich added. “Some even say—”

“Who says?” Pava demanded.

“Techs, rangers,” Pamich shot back, voice picking up. “They say that sometimes, even with hull breaches and total system failure, the Jaeger will try to activate the escape pods.”

“And why do you think that is?” Pava said.

“The AI is programmed to translate the pilots’ neural impulses into movement for the Jaeger,” she said. “It is probable that it would continue to do so even as the connection is being severed.”

“Well reasoned,” Pava said, which wasn’t an answer to Pamich’s question, Rey noticed. “All right, kiddos, let’s go over the individual systems and what they do. Who wants to start?”

She spent the better part of an hour quizzing them, looking increasingly annoyed with each wrong answer. It was impressive, Rey thought, that Pava could cause Edom to flinch with just a twitch of her eyebrow. By the end, almost all of them were desperately trying not to catch Pava’s gaze in fear that she would find them inadequate.

“You have been studying,” Pava finally said, adding a sharp, “Most of you,” that caused Edom to wince. “Let’s try this scenario. You’re piloting a Jaeger in a drop against a Category III. There are multiple hull breaches, although the conn-pod is still safe. Shielding around the reactor is going. Radiation leak is going to be a problem. Left side of the Jaeger is damaged, only half responsive. Neural processor is still undamaged, but if the kaiju goes after the conn-pod, and it will, that could change. You’ve lost your primary chest mounted canon, and atmosphere is all kinds of fucked up. What do you do?”

Rosa Tabylin said, “The primary objective should be the reactor. Shielding needs to be brought online and a diagnostic run to make sure the reactor is stable.”

“But that takes time,” Pava said, “and, oops, your moment of distraction means that kaiju has just caught you in a hold. Now what?”

“Break free,” Perez said.

“How?” Pava countered. “Left side is still mostly unresponsive. Atmosphere is getting worse, which means pretty soon you’ll lose oxygen. Passing out will be a death sentence.”

“You said the main weapon is the chest cannon?” Adi asked.

“Yes,” Pava answered. “Plus all those fancy moves you’ve been learning from Tano.” After a moment of silence, Pava said, “Tick tock, nuggets. You’re dying.”

Pamich said, “Secondary weapon?”

“A plasmacaster,” Pava answered.

“Can we reroute power to the right arm and overpower the kaiju?” Perez asked.

“It’s a Category III,” Pava said. “It’s possible. Let’s say you do. What’s your next move?”

“Use the plasmacaster,” Edom immediately said. “Empty the clip.”

“You didn’t fix the shielding or the atmosphere,” Pava said. “You’ll blow out half your circuits.”

“That’s not fair,” Edom protested.

“Welcome to the damn war,” Pava snapped. “Fairness has nothing to do with this. You two, you’ve been quiet. What’s your plan?”

Finn straightened. “What’s the objective?” he asked.

Pava raised her eyebrows, but Rey thought she could detect a small upturn at the corner of Pava’s mouth. “What does it matter?”

“Well,” said Finn, “let’s assume it’s a one Jaeger drop. So another Jaeger may be on deck, in which case we need to repair what we can to stay in the fight long enough for backup to arrive.”

“Which means,” Rey said, “the left side is the priority. If we bypass the primary circuits and transfer power from the backup system, mainly life support, that should be enough to at least get about seventy-five percent of the functionality back.”

“There’s the oxygen problem again,” said Pava.

“No,” said Rey. “The life pods had their own small power source. We can draw from that long enough to reboot atmosphere.”

That was definitely a small smile now. “And what’s the other objective?” Pava asked.

“The other objective,” Finn said, “is that the kaiju is in the Miracle Mile, there’s no one coming, and we need to stop it, no matter what, which means the shielding doesn’t matter.”

“And neither does the neural processor,” Rey said, letting it all fall together. “If you bypass it completely, then you can boost the power to hydraulics. That should be enough to break the hold and get some distance.”

“Why distance?” Pava asked.

“You said the kaiju closed in, right?” said Finn. “That means it has a relatively short reach. You keep out of its range while you can look for any openings. The plasmacaster is still operational.”

“You got an empty clip,” Pava pointed out.

“You can overload it,” said Rey.

“You’ll have to get close again,” Finn picked up. “But you just need to get the plasmacaster under the head, near the joint with the neck. It shouldn’t be that hard to maneuver the thing where you want it.”

“And if the subsequent blast doesn’t take you out,” said Pava, “then the reactor or the malfunctioning neural load will.”

“But the kaiju won’t make landfall,” said Rey. “We kept everyone safe.”

Pava leaned back, eyebrows arched in a way Rey thought meant she was impressed. “Well put. Nice work you two. Everyone else, study your shit. Get out of here. The last thing I need is Dameron bitching at me because I’ve taken up too much of your time.”

As the class filed out, Rey said to Finn, “I’ll catch up. I want to ask Pava something.”

“I’ll save you a seat,” Finn said and followed Pamich.

“You need something?” Pava asked after the rest of the recruits had shuffled out.

“You’re in charge of the restoration of Black Rebel and Millennium Falcon, right?” Rey asked.

“I wouldn’t say in charge,” Pava answered. “Poe’s too much of a control freak for that to happen, and god knows the marshal’s even worse, but I head up the engineering section. Look, if you want more updates then BB’s giving you have Finn ask Poe. Poe would give that kid literally anything if he just smiles.”

“Are you suggesting I whore out Finn?” she asked, torn between amusement and being offended on Finn’s behalf.

“Eh,” Pava said, waving one hand dismissively. “Is it really whoring out if they both like each other?”

“I feel if I'm making Finn do it to get information that counts.” She shook her head. “Stop distracting me.”

“I'm not distracting you,” Pava said, but she smiled, and her teeth were white, one eyetooth crooked, and for some reason there was a sharp twist in Rey’s stomach. “What’s your question?”

“Oh.” Rey swallowed, dragged her gaze to the left. “It’s something Finn is working on, the Pons system and the neural handshake. I thought you might be able to help.”

“Pons is more BB’s territory, but I can give it a shot.” Pava leaned against the deck. “What is it?”

“We know the handshake is initialized at the shatterdome with the Jaeger’s AI and the resident AI working together before the Jaeger AI takes over, but is it possible to reestablish it if the pilots have been thrown out of it just using the harness and the Jaeger AI?”

Pava breathed in deeply, her expression shuttering closed as if she were carefully and methodically preparing her home to survive a great storm.

“No,” Pava finally said, voice even and measured and terribly flat. “It’s not.”

There was a bloom of pain behind Rey’s left eye as if a migraine was building. She never suffered from migraines before, not even during terrible temperature drops.

“If you’ll excuse me, I have other things I need to do.” Pava carefully stepped around Rey, keeping distance between them. “You better hurry or you’ll be late to meet your friends.”

The pressure built, and Rey leaned against the desk, sucking in air until finally it lessened just enough she could straighten without feeling like she was going to vomit.

She carefully shook her head, but whatever it was had passed just as quickly as it came, leaving her with no answer to what happened, not that Rey was expecting one. So she did what she had always done, which was carefully pack it away until night when she would take it out, take it apart, force it into some semblance of sense, and hurried to catch up with Finn.

 

 

 

The second cut came and went, and their already small class was whittled down to seven. Edom was transferred to officer training, but Pamich remained as did Rosa and Perez. They were an odd numbered group, which was a bad omen for finding a co-pilot. Finn appeared unworried, always keeping Rey close, but no one, not Poe or Calrissian or even Ahsoka Tano, who was the Kwoon master, gave any indication they thought she and Finn were a match.

Drifting wasn’t a science, Rey reminded herself, no matter how much the techs wished it so. At night, when she heard Finn breathe deep and even, Rey thought that as much as she and Finn had reshaped themselves to one another, perhaps there was some element they did not yet understand.

It didn’t help that as Pons training began their class split into smaller groups to attend simulation drops with Shaak Ti.

“Pons training,” Poe had explained, “will consist of simulation drops where you will use what you’ve learned. I want to be clear: this is not a drift compatibility test. For now, you will get a sense of what the neural handshake is and how it will feel piloting a Jaeger.”

As always, Poe never played favorites, never singled Finn out for special attention, carefully maintaining professionalism between teacher and student. And yet for all that there was no mistaking the way Poe seemed lighter every time he and Finn were in the same room, how the two of them unconsciously oriented to where the other was. It was sweet, in a way, maybe even romantic, although Rey didn’t put much stock in romance. Romance didn’t keep you fed or warm or safe when the winter storms came and trapped you for days. And it certainly did nothing to stop the kaiju.

Perez and Pamich had already gone through their simulation run, and while Perez received high marks, Pamich had come out ashen, jaw tight, and had quietly and with little fuss transferred from the piloting program over to Jaeger engineering. It wasn’t a surprise. She was brilliant and excelled in engineering and K-science, but there was no denying she was the weakest in the Kwoon room.

Piloting, the neural handshake, not everyone could handle it. There were drifts that went terribly, violently bad, rangers chasing the rabbit, pilots’ minds rejecting each other. In the early days of the PPDC, more than one pilot fell into a coma from an unstable, volatile drift.

To avoid that, they all had CAT scans done, establishing a baseline of brain activity in case the neural load was too much or if co-pilots lost themselves in one another, no longer individuals but half of something new and alien.

“We ’re up today,” Rosa said at breakfast. She was scheduled first, and then Finn, and finally Rey in the afternoon. “What do you think it’s like? Perez said it wasn’t bad.”

“It was like someone watching over my shoulder,” Pamich had said, after. “I could feel it, right there at the edge.”

Everything written about the neural handshake was dry and technical, focusing on the technology that made it possible or the psychological impact of two people sharing thoughts and emotions. But what it felt like, well, pilots didn’t speak of it. Even in the early days, when rangers were being interviewed on talk shows, they all quickly, firmly shut down any questions about the drift. It was private, only for them and no one else.

Rosa went and came back tired, but she said, “I'm still in.”

And then it was Finn, and Rey hugged him, quick and tight. As she waited, she reviewed footage of Jaeger drops, pulled up the schematics for Millennium Falcon that BB sent, making notes and adjustments and sending them back.

Sometimes Pava would respond, her own corrections scrawled in next to Rey’s notes. Once they got in an argument in the margins, and Rey had never known you could pack so much emotion into frowny faces, but Pava managed it. It was funny and sweet, and Rey would doodle little stick figures back, wondering if she ever managed to make Pava smile.

Then it was her scheduled time slot, and Rey waited patiently outside for Finn to finish. It was not a drift compatibility test, she reminded herself. That would come later, maybe. For now it was about gaining practical experience. To her annoyance it did nothing to smooth the knots from her stomach.

“Rey!” Finn shouted, bounding over and grabbing her in a hug.

“So it went well?” she asked, laughing a little when Finn squeezed tight before stepping back.

“It is so awesome,” he said. “It was an actual Jaeger! Well, not an actual one, but damn. _Damn._ You’re going to love it.”

“We’ll find out,” Rey said.

Finn’s grin softened. “You’re going to be amazing,” he said, and then gave her a tiny shove. “Go on.”

Rey spared him a glare, but Shaak Ti was calling her. Rey took a deep breath and stepped inside. The simulation room was small, nothing more than two harnesses, roughly the size that would be in a Jaeger, and a large screen.

Shaak Ti was thin and tall with dark skin and hair in three long plaits that fell down her back. Her expression was serene and unreadable, and she said, “We will begin with a simulation for the Category I Karloff using the Jaeger Foxtrot Brave. For now, you will take the left side.”

Rey carefully stepped in, and as Ti helped her into the harness, asked, “This isn’t a full handshake, right?”

“No,” Ti answered. “The Pons training system relies on the same technology as a full neural bridge. Two pilots are needed to run it, although you will be the one in charge. I bring very little into the drift, nothing that will overpower you or me, nothing that will make us chase the rabbit. I will keep the distance between us so you can complete the simulation.”

With quick, efficient movements, Ti strapped herself into the other harness. “If at any point you need to stop, all you have to do is unbuckle. The simulation will immediately cease. Understood?”

“Yes, ma’am.” Rey took a deep breath, thought of when she first met Finn, how he grabbed her hand and they ran together, unaware that this was where they would end up. “Start the run.”

Nothing happened, and just as when she began to doubt that the program was working, she became aware of it, a tiny pinprick at the edges of her mind, as if someone was staring at her. Carefully, afraid to dislodge it, she turned towards Shaak Ti, who said, “Easy now.”

And then she saw him, Ranger Colt, with his black hair and his easy grin, Ti’s partner for Xi Rho, and Rey was helpless to do anything but feel Ti’s love for him, sharp and endless, like the curvature of a mirror. And then the inevitable quiet, private sorrow of his passing.

“This wasn’t a drift,” Rey said, reaching for the buckle. “You said!”

Was Ti in her head? Oh god, did Ti see—

“It’s not,” Ti said. “I need you to breathe, Rey. You’re merely getting echoes. I'm not in your head. You’re safe.”

Rey closed her eyes and pictured the ocean, calm and still, like she did as a child.

“The drift is silence,” Ti said. “It is you and your partner, just the two of you together.”

“Silence,” Rey repeated. “Okay. I'm okay.”

She was aware of Ti studying her, assessing, in a way Ti wouldn’t in a classroom. She tried to keep her thoughts placid, calm, but she couldn’t help but twitch at the curious brush of Ti’s mind against her own.

“Beginning simulation of kaiju Karloff,” Ti said, and if she was unsatisfied by whatever she found in Rey, she kept it tucked away.

The fight was over quick, or at least it felt like that. Foxtrot Brave was a Mark I, and moved heavier than Rey expected, a half-second lag in response that Rey compensated for, although she was itching to get into the subroutines and fix it.

In the end, Rey overpowered Karloff, broke its left arm, blew out its right leg, and then one round from the chest canon put it down. There was satisfaction there, and pride, and weariness. This was merely one of the kaiju the breach spit out, and there was no end to them.

“Well done,” Shaak Ti said as they unhooked from the harness. “You compensated for Yukon’s speed quite well. You do need to pay more attention to the kaiju’s movements. You fell for that one feint.”

“Yes, ma’am,” Rey said. “Thank you.”

“One more thing,” Ti said. Her eyes reminded Rey of Maz, bright and searching, as if Ti was trying to pry out all of Rey’s secrets. “The drift is a choice, Rey. You must choose it. You must choose your partner.”

“I understand,” Rey said.

“Almost every recruit says that. None of them really do.” She seemed to shake herself a little. “Your performance will be reviewed by myself, Dameron, and the other instructors. We will also go over it with you in the upcoming days before moving on to another simulation. Any questions?” Rey shook her head. “You did very well. Dismissed.”

Finn was waiting for her outside, and whatever he saw in her face made him whoop and grab her, spinning them around.

“I told you, right?” he said, laughing. “It’s amazing.”

“A little bit amazing,” she agreed, smiling as she let Finn’s happiness wash over her, clean and sweet.

 

 

 

There were more simulations, against Category II’s, III’s, and even a IV. Rey got through that one, barely scrapping a victory, the Jaeger in tatters around her. Afterwards, breaking free of the harness, she closed her eyes, sucking in sharp breaths while Shaak Ti rested a cool hand against the back of her neck.

“Is that,” she gasped, nerves still misfiring signals to her brain, remembering the phantom pain of an arm being wrenched from the Jaeger’s body, “is that what it feels like?”

“No,” Ti answered. “It is much more visceral in reality.”

That night, she and Finn huddled together on her bed, elbows and knees carefully negotiated, and Finn asked, “Do you still want to?”

“Yes,” Rey said quietly. _The drift is silence,_ Ti said, but even with their minds barely brushing, Rey could feel how Ti’s still called out for her co-pilot. “Yes,” she repeated, firm, and Finn clasped her hand between his, and said, “We stay.”

It was a decision Rey half-heartedly lamented when a whole day was blocked out for training in the Kwoon room. They had only just completed their stretches and already Rey was longingly thinking of a nice hot soak.

“Hey, come on,” Ahsoka said. “Stop that grumbling. We’ve barely started.”

“We know,” Finn muttered, and Ahsoka grinned.

She was a Maori woman of average height, hair piled carefully on top of her head, and the blue _moko_ on her chin was striking and beautiful. Ahsoka was deceptively lean right up until she flexed and Rey realized Ahsoka could easily bench press her.

“You’re up first, Finn,” Ahsoka said cheerfully. “Rey, partner with him.”

Rey liked being partnered with Finn. They moved well together, and their fight was fast and quick, trading points back and forth. She was always careful not to get pinned down, because Finn outweighed her and was not shy about using that to his advantage, but she could keep him unbalanced enough to get in solid strikes. It was simple and easy, and when Ahsoka called it, Rey grinned, already leaning into the arm Finn draped over her shoulders.

It was only then she realized the rest of their class had straightened, their gazes turned towards the door.

“Stop skulking and get in here,” Ahsoka said, and Poe grinned sheepishly and strode inside, an annoyed Pava trailing him.

“This is what you dragged me down here for?” Pava hissed. “Unlike you, I have actual work to do.”

“I do work,” Poe answered, looking injured when Pava scoffed in disbelief. “Sorry, Ahsoka. Continue.”

“Rosa, Perez,” Ahsoka said. “Let’s go.”

Rey didn’t pay much attention to that sparring match, instead focusing on Pava, who, despite all the grumbling, was carefully studying the match. Rey knew Pava had a relatively expressive face, and now Rey was beginning to pick out the subtleties of it all. When Rosa pulled off a neat twist, Pava’s eyebrows rose in approval, and when Perez fumbled, his right side open, the corner of Pava’s mouth turned down.

It was easy to track the progress of the match that way, watching the quick flicks of Pava’s expression. And twice Finn elbowed her in the side, hissing, “Stop staring. It’s weird. Why are you being weird?”

“I’m not being weird,” Rey whispered back, although she could feel the back of her neck flush hot, and then hotter when Pava’s gaze slid over to them, corner of her mouth twitching upwards, like she had been aware of Rey’s focus the entire time. Rey resisted the urge to shrink back into Finn’s side, suddenly remembering the doodles she had sent over on the latest reports about the Millennium Falcon. There were flowers, she thought, and several inaccurate representations of Edom that made him look, well. It wasn’t very flattering.

There were two more matches, and this time Rey kept her attention firmly on them, ignoring the distracting buzz in the back of her head. It came and went. It wasn’t a headache, although it was just as irritating as one, but more like a faint tug, like something was trying to get her attention. She had been worried about it, but nothing showed up on her scans, and so Rey decided it was most likely stress and did her best to not think about it.

Ahsoka said, “You know, I think you’re making them nervous.”

“Us?” Poe said, eyes wide and innocent.

“I don’t see why our constant, silent judging would make them nervous,” Pava said, smirking, and Rey quickly swiped her palms over her pants, feeling unaccountably warm. “It might be that,” she added, tilting her head to the framed poster hanging on the far wall, featuring a stripped down Poe pointing above the words _I want you for the PPDC._

“Don’t think I won’t court marshal you for hanging that,” Poe said, flushing.

“New plan!” Ahsoka said brightly. “Dameron and Pava here are going to show you how rangers do it. Not one joke,” she added, stern finger pointed at Pava, who merely smirked again. “Let’s go. The nuggets are faster than this.”

“You know,” Pava said, hopping on one foot to unlace her right boot as Poe absently reached out and steadied her before she could tip over, “I have actual important work to do.”

“Yes, yes,” Poe said, “we all know you are very important. You have to be because you keep telling us that all the time.”

Pava glared, although Rey thought there was a hint of fondness to it. “I am so kicking your ass now.”

“Like you could,” Poe said.

They had both stripped down to their tanks, and out of the corner of her eye Rey saw Finn swallow. There were scars along Poe’s left arm, delicate lines like burned circuits, and Rey forced herself to look away.

Pava was short, but she was not small, Rey noted, watching Pava’s back muscles flex as she stretched before catching the bo staff Poe tossed her.

“Whenever you’re ready,” Ahsoka said, amused as Pava and Poe circled one another.

“After you,” Poe said, and Pava spun in quick, tapping two points against Poe’s shoulder and elbow.

“Two-zilch,” she said, grinning bright as Poe swung and scored a point along her ribs.

It was quick after that, much faster than any of their class managed. They were beautiful, Poe and Pava, their give and take. Rey absently kept note of the points being scored—Pava was still ahead by one—but mostly she watched their movements. Pava was economical, all her strikes flowing together, no motion wasted. Poe was looser, faster, some strikes going deliberately wide to lure Pava in.

They were well matched, but their moves weren’t seamless, at least not how Rey imagined co-pilots should be. Throughout their training, Ahsoka emphasized that partners were extensions of one another. To fight, to survive, you were together, always.

Pava and Poe were highly trained and highly competitive, but there was no give and take, no reading each other. When Pava rocked back, Poe should have pushed forward, coming up under her guard. Instead he moved right, and Pava jabbed in, quick, but her angle was all wrong. Poe parried, used his greater weight to force her back, and Pava gave ground when she should have taken advantage of Poe’s lapse of concentration to knock him down.

Finn grimaced, and said, “He keeps leaving his left side open. See, he missed a point there!”

“And Pava keeps retreating,” Rey said, frustrated. “If she just made a stand she could definitely take him down.”

Poe scored two more points, Pava getting a good one against Poe’s ribs before she suddenly waved Poe off.

“Okay,” Pava said, staff balanced against her shoulders. “What the shit?” When Poe raised his eyebrows, Pava said, “Not you. You.” She jabbed her finger at Rey. “I can feel the faces you’re making.”

“I'm not making a face,” Rey said.

“You sort of are,” Finn muttered.

“And so are you,” Poe said, and Finn ducked his head.

“So,” Pava continued, “I repeat, what the shit?”

“You could do better,” Rey said, aware of the silence descending on the room. “You give too much ground. You could have scored two points, but instead you let him drive you back.”

“And me?” Poe asked, looking honestly curious.

“You leave your left side open,” said Finn, sounding faintly apologetic. “And you probably could have taken Pava three moves ago if you didn’t fall for that one feint.”

“First off, he definitely could not have taken me,” Pava said absently, gaze turned thoughtful. “Ahsoka, with your permission, I would like to see what your student can do.”

Ahsoka glanced between the four of them before nodding. “Rey, if you please. Ranger Pava would like to see what you’ve learned for herself. And then, Finn, you and Dameron can have a go.”

Rey looked to Finn, who nodded, slowly.

“Yes, ma’am,” Rey agreed, and accepted the staff Ahsoka handed her. She took her place on the mat opposite Pava, who raised her eyebrows, the only warning Rey got Pava was coming at her fast, faster than she had at Poe, and Rey barely blocked the strike aimed at her head.

“All right,” Rey said quietly, feeling light and relaxed. She smiled, and Pava blinked, as if she was surprised, and Rey spun, swiped at Pava’s legs, and when Pava darted backward, brought the staff up in a quick jab, striking Pava in the chest and tumbling her to the mat.

Pava grinned, teeth bared, and accepted the hand Rey offered her.

“It’s on, nugget,” Pava said, and ducked under Rey’s swing, coming up underneath, grabbing Rey’s leg and baring her down, one knee pressed into her back. When Rey rolled over, when Pava _let_ her roll over, Pava’s grin had gone soft. “Ready to get serious now?”

Rey kicked upwards, knocking aside Pava’s staff, almost scoring another point before Pava twisted out of the way, staff swinging around and forcing Rey to duck low. Pava laughed brightly, and Rey felt that strange lightness settle over her again. She exhaled and let everything fall away.

She lost count after that, her and Pava trading points back and forth. The match was fast, which wasn’t a surprise, but it was vicious, which Rey should have expected. Pava did nothing by halves, and Rey already knew Pava loved nothing more than pushing everyone around her.

The room was quiet but for the sound of the staffs connecting, the dull noise of their feet as they moved. Nothing existed outside of Pava and this moment, the perfect silence of it.

When Pava got under Rey’s guard, knocked her back to the ground and straddled her legs to get a point up close, Pava didn’t smirk like she did with Poe, none of the smugness at getting the upper hand. Instead she leaned in close, hair falling from her braid, and said, “You were right about me.”

“Oh,” said Rey, muscles suddenly shaky from the exertion. “Thank you.”

“Twenty to twenty,” Ahsoka said, and Rey startled, once again aware of the attention on them, of how high Finn’s eyebrows were raised. “Finn, Dameron. Your turn.”

Rey passed her staff to Finn when she stood, aware of Pava taking up space next to her, of how it felt like every nerve ending was singing. The fight had been good, different than facing off against Finn, but still good.

“Watch carefully,” Pava whispered to her. “This is going to be interesting.”

And it was. Poe and Finn’s fight was a thing of beauty. Finn moved confidently, stepping in close to score points, Poe curving around him. It was almost like it had been carefully choreographed, the way they were moving, and Rey wondered if she and Pava looked like that, as if they were the only two people in the room.

When Finn tumbled Poe to the mat, pinned him with a staff across his neck, Poe grinning up at him, Ahsoka clapped her hands once and said, “Fifteen to fifteen. Very impressive. I think that’s enough for today. I hope everyone was paying attention. You’re dismissed. Not you four,” Ahsoka added, eyeing them pointedly.

As the rest of the class left, Rey carefully laced up her boots, aware of Pava’s careful attention. Rey wasn’t much better, sneaking glances as Pava pulled on her shirt and then jacket, carefully tucking loose hair back into her complex braid.

“What?” Pava asked, glancing over.

“That was good, right?” Rey said quietly, aware of Poe and Finn nearby, of how Ahsoka was studying all of them. “The match, I mean.”

“It was all right,” Pava agreed, mouth curled up, and Rey ducked her head, smiled at bubbles of happiness that rose in her chest.

“So,” Ahsoka said once they were alone. “It looks like you found your co-pilots.”

Finn turned to her first, eyes wide, before looking at Poe. “What?” he said weakly.

“Uh, about that,” said Poe.

Finn’s expression immediately turned suspicious. “Did you know?”

“No?” Poe said, wincing when Pava immediately punched him in the arm.

“You’re useless,” she said. “Look, kid, we all knew you two were going to end up in a Jaeger. Poe would just not shut up about it. It was all ‘Finn is so—’”

“Do _you_ want to go down this road?” Poe hissed at her, doing something complicated with his eyebrows that made Jess scowl.

“You were telling everyone?” Finn said, accusing.

Poe winced. “I might have mentioned I thought we might be drift compatible.”

Finn made a high pitched wordless noise, and taking pity on him, Rey said, “Are we sure that’s what we are? Drift compatible, I mean. I thought that Finn and I...”

“And I think that’s my cue,” said Ahsoka, stepping forward. “There’s no formula for co-pilots. We try to recruit in pairs to increase the chance of people being compatible, but, well, sometimes we end up with the four of you.” She placed a comforting hand on Rey’s arm. “I know all about finding a partner you didn’t expect, but trust me when I say I have never once regretted it.”

Ahsoka’s smile took on a wistful edge. There were a few things Rey learned that nobody talked about in the PPDC, and one of them was what happened to Barriss Offee, who may not be among the dead, but was lost all the same.

“I think,” said Ahsoka, “that’s enough for today. Take a break, try talking to one another.” The last part was directed at Poe. “Training can pick up again tomorrow.”

Under Ahsoka’s kind gaze, they filed out of the room, Finn pausing long enough to catch Rey’s hand, squeezing gently before he and Poe broke away. Poe glanced back, and Rey would be the first to admit she had trouble sometimes deciphering facial expressions, but even she could see the apologetic tilt to Poe’s mouth. It was too close to pity, and she scowled at him, which made Poe suddenly smile, the fond one she caught him directing at Finn on more than one occasion.

“I’ll see you later,” she called out, making sure that Poe knew he was included in that, and Finn shot her a grateful look before he and Poe turned towards the dorm room. “I think I just got exiled from my rack,” Rey said to Pava.

“You want me to kick them out?” Pava said. Rey shook her head. “Want to see something cool? Come on.”

Pava was shorter than her, but Rey had to hurry to keep pace with her. Pava led the way to the lower levels where recruits weren’t allowed. No one stopped them, mostly because Pava glared every time someone got too close. And then Pava swiped her badge through one last security door, stepping back to let Rey enter first.

She blinked in the dim light. They were in the bottom level, what once was the main hanger and lab during the first days of the Jaeger Program and one of the few to survive Reckoner’s attack. It looked to be storage now, filled with Jaeger parts that would have kept Rey fed for months back in Kenai.

“This way,” Pava said. “You’re going to like this.”

She led them deeper, and when Rey paused to stare at an old Mark I Jaeger arm, Pava impatiently grabbed her hand to tug her along.

“Why does everyone keep taking my hand?” she complained.

“Oh, I get it.” Jess said. “You’ll hold hands with the kid but I'm not good enough?”

“I didn’t say that,” Rey muttered as Pava abruptly let go.

“Here we are,” she said.

Before Rey could ask where here was, Pava pointed, and Rey looked up and up at a Jaeger, half disassembled, missing most of its legs and plating, but still so beautiful.

“Oh,” Rey breathed. “Is that…”

“Yukon Brawler,” said Jess. “The first ever Jaeger.”

“What’s it doing here?” Rey slowly moved towards it, noting the exposed wiring in the right side. After its first and only engagement with a kaiju, having successfully demonstrated the feasibility of both the Pons system and the neural handshake, it had been retired. “I thought it was in Oblivion Bay.”

“She’s important history,” Pava said, reaching out to lay a reverent hand along Brawler. “There was no way she was going to be broken up for parts. They left her here, probably to inspire recruits, but with the war escalating, she just ended up forgotten.”

“Did you find her?” Rey asked. She smoothed her hand over the wires, tucking them back inside. Unlike the later gens, Brawler was squat and compact. It was never meant for prolonged deployments, and it showed in the metal alloys and the inefficient use of power from the nuclear core. But she was still lovely, flaws and all.

“Back when in the academy, we got snowed,” answered Pava, and it was hard to tell in the low light, but she seemed content, kinder. “The storm lasted for days. I got a little stir crazy. When Snap threatened to actually smother me with a pillow, I went exploring. Ended up down here and found her. I thought you might like to see her, too.”

“Thank you.”

“Call me Jess,” she said abruptly, and at Rey’s confused look added, “You always call me Pava. Even in those doodles you add to the schematics, it’s always Ranger Pava. If you’re going to be in my head, you should call me Jess.”

“Jess,” Rey said, ignoring the way _in my head_ made her skin feel tight and hot. “So we are compatible.”

“You felt it,” said Jess. “I know you did.”

For a moment Rey was tempted to argue. Jess didn’t know her, didn’t know anything about where Rey came from or what she had to do to survive. She wasn’t there when Reckoner made landfall, when Rey—

But Jess liked to argue in the schematic’s margins, and she would add on to Rey’s stick figures, little flourishes that always made Rey smile.

“Our match was different than with Finn,” said Rey. “It was,” she paused. Easy was too flippant, and Jess had made the match anything but. “It was fun.”

“Fun,” Jess said, and then laughed. “Yeah, it was. Snap never thought sparring was fun. He was such a big baby whenever I knocked him on his ass. Which I did a lot, for the record.”

“Snap?”

“You met him in LOCCENT. Big guy, beard, cane.”

“Oh,” said Rey, remembering. “You both were making fun of Poe.”

“We were indeed making fun of Poe. He makes it so easy.”

Rey circled Brawler. The nuclear core housed in the chest plate had long since been removed, transplanted into Foxtrot Brave. The Mark I’s were rolled off production line in the span of eighteen months, held together with nothing more than duct tape and stubbornness. The AI interface wouldn’t be even close to functional for another nine, and the strain from the neural load alone must have been near unbearable. And then there was the radiation. Adequate shielding wasn’t put in place for another year, and by then more than half the Mark I pilots had been hospitalized. And still they kept on until their bodies gave out.

“Snap was your co-pilot?” Rey asked.

“He is,” Jess answered, and that buzzing was back at the base of Rey’s skull. “A drop went bad. He lost a leg and we couldn’t pilot anymore. He went to LOCCENT and I ended up in engineering.”

Rey rubbed the back of her neck, trying to ease the tension there. “You didn’t want to leave the PPDC?”

Jess lifted one shoulder in a shrug. “We both agreed we were going to see this out. At the time, we figured we’d do it in a Jaeger, but shit happens. What about you?”

“I want to help,” said Rey, and then, because Jess didn’t have to tell her any of that, “There’s not much out there for me.

“Not much out there for most of us,” said Jess. She leaned against Brawler’s left leg. “Look, drift compatibility, there’s no guarantee, you know. So we matched well in the Kwoon room. That might translate to the neural handshake, it might not.”

Rey looked up at Brawler Yukon, the ragged edges and the unfinished plating, the first Jaeger to kill a kaiju.

“Did you know we were compatible?” she asked, and she could feel the way Jess was choosing her answer. Rey waited. She was good at waiting.

“I thought we might be,” Jess finally said. “You learn to recognize when you’re with someone you can drift with.”

“Were you ever going to say anything?”

Jess made a face, and Rey had to fight down a smile. “I hadn’t decided,” she mumbled.

“You hadn’t decided,” Rey repeated. “And you were making fun of Poe for not saying anything.”

“Hey, he’s a hot mess. I am obligated to give him shit.” She sighed. “It’s a big decision, if we do this. Last time I was in a Jaeger, it didn’t end well. Rangers don’t have a long life expectancy anymore.”

“But you came to class today,” said Rey. “And you called me out. You didn’t have to do either of that.”

“No, I didn’t,” said Jess. “You’re smart, you know. I'm serious, you really are. Hell, that rerouting power in Falcon’s secondary system to boost her stabilizers was brilliant. I had to listen to BB rhapsodize about that for days.” She paused, and Rey could swear for moment Jess was actually blushing. “And you draw pictures, sometimes. For me. I thought, shit, I thought it’s the end of the war, so why not? What about you? Do you want to try?”

Jess would be in her head. Jess would see…she would see…Rey took a deep breath. Finn would be staying for sure now, and Rey would not leave him.

And Jess was looking at her as if her answer mattered. As if Rey mattered to her.

“Yes,” said Rey. “I want to try. Besides, you apparently know where to find Jaegers.”

“Stick with me,” said Jess, “and I’ll even let you play around in Falcon.”

“You better not be lying about that,” said Rey.

“I'm not. I don’t just let anyone near my work, you know. You should feel very honored.”

There were stories of all the fights Jess picked, the techs she made cry, and yet Jess sent over schematics and made adjustments based on Rey’s notes. She wasn’t ready to unpack what that meant, not yet.

“I do” she said, and when Jess smiled, small and almost shy, the sweet, giddy bubbles were back. “Thanks for showing me this.”

“Any time,” said Jess, and Rey let the words sink in like a promise.

 

 

 

Poe was gone when Rey made it back to the room. Finn was sitting on his bed, staring blanking at the tablet in his hands he was listlessly scrolling through.

“Move over,” said Rey, unlacing her boots before climbing in next to him, Finn automatically lifting his arm for her slide in close. “You okay?”

“That asshole,” said Finn. “He knew in San Francisco. Can you believe that? He fucking knew and didn’t say anything.”

“Jess says he’s a hot mess,” Rey offered, and Finn snorted.

“No kidding.” He pulled her close. “What about you? Are you okay?”

She thought of Jess standing in the shadow of Yukon Brawler. “I think so.”

“We would have been kickass co-pilots,” Finn said.

“The very best,” she agreed. “I would have chosen you.”

“I would have picked you, too.”

They sat together, listening to the distant sounds of the academy. They had missed dinner, although Rey had some granola bars tucked away for later. She wasn’t hungry, still too twisted up from the day.

“I think,” Finn said, “I think it’s going to be all right.”

Rey let Finn tuck her close and thought, maybe, it could be.

 

 

 

It might be her imagination, but Rey could feel Jess now, or so it seemed. She and Finn had just entered the mess hall, but Rey found herself turning towards where Jess was in the food line, bickering with Poe. Jess must have felt it, too, because she looked over, lifting one hand in greeting. Poe was grinning, and Rey didn’t need to look at Finn to see his smile. Jess tilted her head to the left at an empty table, and Rey took Finn’s arm, steering him through the small crowd.

“I can walk fine on my own,” Finn said, although he made no move to break away.

“Yes,” Rey agreed, “but you’re usually paying attention and not making that face.”

“What face? I don’t have a face. I mean, I have a face. Everybody has a face, but I don’t have a _face._ ”

Which was when Jess and Poe walked over, both balancing a tray in each hand. “I know it’s early,” Poe said, “but I have no idea what any of that meant.”

“Please give me coffee,” said Finn, head in his hands. Rey nudged his knee under the table, apologetic. Poe did look unfairly good, even this early in the morning.

“You’re in luck,” said Jess, and slid one tray over to Rey. It was piled high with eggs and toast and what the mess staff claimed was bacon, but Rey had her doubts. Even better was the mug of tea in the corner. “You don’t like coffee, right?”

“No, I don’t,” said Rey. “Thank you.”

Poe placed the other tray in front of Finn, who mumbled a thank you while grabbing the coffee. It was strange, Rey thought, to find their morning routine upset. She and Finn normally sat with their classmates, all of them bleary eyed and tired, eating quickly before heading to the day’s first lecture. Jess and Poe were disturbingly awake, both of them mechanically working their way through their trays in the way that said they had survived on mess fare for years.

When Finn automatically poured milk into Rey’s tea, Jess said, “As much as I love awkward silences, here’s today’s agenda. Poe and I have a meeting with Shaak Ti to go over your training drops. You two still have classes. Calrissian this morning, right? After lunch, the four of us will meet with Ahsoka to begin our new training.”

“What about the compatibility test?” Finn asked.

“Jumping ahead, buddy,” said Poe. “We got a few steps before that.”

Jess snorted, and ignoring the look Poe gave her, said, “Poe’s worried about nothing.”

“I'm being thorough,” he corrected. “Like you should be, given what happened—”

“With us?” said Jess.

It felt like a hook was inserted right below Rey’s breastbone, twisting and tugging, and Rey resisted the urge to press her fist to diaphragm to ease the pressure. Instead she breathed through it, measured, the way she learned to in Kenai when the hunger was too great to ignore.

“You drifted?” asked Finn, glancing between Poe and Jess.

“We had a compatibility test,” said Poe, short. “It didn’t work out.”

“This was after Snap?” Rey asked.

Jess nodded, poking at her eggs. “We figured we’d give it a shot. Like he said, it didn’t take. Anyway, that’s in the past. Time to look forward and all that shit.”

“This is why you make people sad,” said Poe. “You have no poetry in your soul.”

“Unlike you, you mean,” Jess said, wearing the look of a woman who had been given a great gift. “Hey, kids, story time. Let me set the scene. It’s about six years ago. Winter is a bitch. A huge blizzard has shut down pretty much everything, including the port. Food is running low and cabin fever is high. So Poe Dameron here decides to give a rousing, inspiring speech.”

“Please stop talking,” said Poe.

“I would love to,” said Jess sweetly, “but someone insulted my eloquence.”

“I am your commanding officer. I can make it an order.”

Jess raised one eyebrow what Rey felt was a calculated quarter of a centimeter.

Poe sighed. “Let me rephrase that. You keep talking and I will tell Finn _and Rey_ about that time in Portland. You remember, at that club?”

Jess scowled, and Finn said, “You’re going the mutually assured destruction route?”

“I honestly have no other option,” Poe answered. “She’s ruthless.”

“I am,” Jess agreed, elbows up on the table. “Problem is we both have too much on the other.”

“So we’re not going to hear any Ranger stories?” said Rey.

“I didn’t say that,” said Jess. “The trick is to get Poe drunk first so he doesn’t care what you’re saying as long as you keep petting his hair.”

When Rey laughed at the indignant look Poe shot her, Jess softened. It was the only word Rey could think of that fit. Everything about Jess just went soft and almost sweet, and for a moment it felt like Rey was being wrapped in a large quilt, warm and safe.

“Oh,” Finn said. “That’s what you meant by face.”

“What?” said Rey, shaking herself.

“Are you blushing?” Poe said, delighted. “Pava, be honest with me.”

Rey never picked up Spanish, but given Jess’ tone, Rey was betting that Jess said something uncomplimentary about Poe’s heritage and possibly his hair, given the way Poe smoothed his curls down.

“Do you think they’re always like this?” Finn asked quietly.

“Unfortunately, yes,” said Rey, although she couldn’t deny it was a little fun, watching Jess and Poe bicker.

Jess broke off mid curse when Poe’s phone beeped. Poe’s expression went flat, and next to her Finn sat up straight.

“It’s BB,” said Poe, turning the screen so Jess could see.

“Shit,” Jess said, standing.

“What is it?” Rey asked. She could feel a tension headache coming on.

“Go to class,” said Poe. “We’ll find you later. Go on.”

Before her or Finn could say anything else, they were up and moving, waving a few of the senior officers over on their way. The hall was emptying, everyone moving quickly, and for lack of anything else she and Finn followed suit.

“Did they say what was up?” Rosa asked, falling into step with them.

Finn shook his head. “No, but it’s gotta be bad. Another kaiju attack?”

“It’s too soon,” Rey said. “It’s barely been two months.”

“They’re coming faster,” Finn said quietly.

When they made it to the lecture hall, Calrissian was already waiting for them. He looked so tired.

“Sit down,” he said.

Finn took the spot to Rey’s left, like he always did, but this time he reached out, caught her hand.

“So you are aware, a Category IV has been intercepted off the coast of Hong Kong.”

Rey tightened her grip.

“Eden Resolute and Matador Fury have engaged it,” Calrissian continued. “That is all the information I have. When I know more, so will you. Until that time, we have a job to do. Let’s pick up where we left off yesterday.”

Throughout the lecture, Rey held on to Finn. The class was having trouble concentrating, and for once Calrissian was lenient about lapses in attention. But as the hours dragged by, Rey felt pressure building in her chest, large and immovable like a stone. One glance at Finn’s ashen face confirmed he felt it, too.

And then all at once it broke, a sharp shard that left Rey sucking in a pained gasp, Finn fumbling for her, gripping her arm tightly.

“Poe,” he said.

“We have to go,” said Rey, interrupting Calrissian’s explanation of tactics used in two Jaeger drops.

He looked between them, at the way they were breathing too quickly, shaky. “Go on,” he said, not unkindly. “They should be in Poe’s office.”

Ignoring the stares and whispers, Rey and Finn were up and out the door. They must have run because they were outside Poe’s office, the one he was hardly in, always preferring to sit in on classes or wander the halls.

They didn’t knock, just went in, quietly closing the door behind them. Poe was at his desk, head in his hands. Jess stood at the window, her back to them. Her hands, Rey noticed, were balled into fists.

“What happened?” Finn asked. He went to Poe, Jess to Rey.

“They’re dead,” Jess spat. “Resolute was drowned and Fury’s core overloaded. They all died in harness.”

“And the kaiju?” Rey said. Jess was holding herself rigid and tight. Rey never knew what to do with grief, how to comfort the bereaved.

“Dead,” said Poe, exhausted and hollow. “Fury had a round left in the chamber. Clean shot through the thoracic cavity.”

Finn knelt next to Poe and gently rested his hand between Poe’s shoulder blades, murmuring quietly. Poe shook his head, and Finn leaned into him.

“You knew them,” Rey said.

“I knew all of them,” said Jess, “but Aayla and Bly in Resolute, we came up together.”

Rey carefully reached out, brushed her fingertips over Jess’ clenched fist, held the contact until Jess curled in on herself.

“It was a two Jaeger drop,” said Poe. “They should have been fine damnit. _Goddamnit_.”

There was nothing to say to that, and so Rey stood there next to Jess, close enough that if they shifted just the slightest bit they would be pressed together from shoulder to hip. Neither of them moved.

“All right,” said Jess finally, straightening and pushing her hair back from the face. “Here’s the deal, nuggets. We’re being recalled to the Icebox.”

“But we haven’t graduated,” said Finn, rocking back on his heels as Poe sat up, swiping one hand over his eyes.

“We lost two more Jaegers,” Poe said. “The Academy is being shut down. Funding is being cut, the money diverted to the Wall. The four of us will return to Anchorage. The drift compatibility tests will be conducted there.”

“Wait,” said Finn, and Rey met his gaze, both of them rushing to the same conclusion. “There’s no training Ponns there.”

“No,” said Poe. “We’ll be conducting the tests in Black Rebel and Millennium Falcon.”

“I told you I’d let you work on her,” Jess said while Rey and Finn stared helplessly at one another.

She was going to be in the Falcon. She was going to be in the Falcon _with Jess._ Panic clawed at her chest, sharp and quick, before Rey forced herself calm.

“Hey,” said Jess softly. “You okay?”

Rey nodded. “I'm fine. It’s just happening kind of fast.”

Finn was back on his feet, still so close to Poe, who said, “I know, and I'm sorry. I thought there would be more time.” His smile was small and sad. “Turns out I’ve been wrong about quite a few things.”

In the silence that followed, Jess said, “We head out for Anchorage tomorrow. But you can still leave, if you want to. I—we would understand, if you did.”

“No,” said Rey, and she didn’t need to look to Finn to know his answer. “We’re seeing this through.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the late update, but much love and thanks to everyone sticking with this. Even more love to my beta reader, without whom this would be half finished and much less coherent.


	5. Chapter 5

It just started to sleet when they landed, and Poe reached over to pull up the hood of Finn’s jacket before they stepped out onto the helipad. Finn couldn’t hear Jess’ disgusted noise over the rotors, but he saw the face she made and the subsequent pointed elbow Rey jabbed into her side. For the duration of the short flight from the academy to the Icebox, Jess had alternated between waggling her eyebrows suggestively at Poe to attempting to look cool and unaffected that Rey was sitting next to her. Finn might have done some eyebrow waggling of his own.

They barely cleared the helipad when BB rushed forward, hands moving so quickly that all Finn managed to pick out was _Rey_ , which he could have guessed from the way BB hugged Rey tightly, completely ignoring the rest of them.

“I think you’ve been replaced as the favorite,” Jess said when Poe actually looked a little jealous about being bypassed.

BB pulled back enough to grin at Poe, who said, hands moving sedately, “And after all I’ve done for you. Taking you home with me, tenderly nursing you through your hangovers, not telling Ben it was you who bleached his hair.”

“Pfft,” BB said. Xe signed slow and careful, glancing at Finn with raised eyebrows.

“No, wait,” said Finn before Poe could translate. “So I got Poe and Rey and something about fighting? Poe didn’t fight anyone with a staff?”

“Close,” said Poe. “Xe said I never fought for xyr honor using a weapon made from kaiju bone. Which is unfair,” he added, frowning at BB. “You left without saying anything and didn’t give me a chance.”

This time Finn was able to follow along well enough through BB’s speech, which basically came down to _You would have stopped me if I told you. Also, I do what I want._ The last part left Poe frowning and BB smirking.

“Poe,” Jess said, “please resist the urge to say this isn’t how you raised xyr. Xe will kick you in the shins.”

BB nodded, looking smug when Poe sighed heavily and glanced heavenwards before saying, “I didn’t know you were learning sign language, Finn.”

Finn shrugged. “Rey’s been teaching me at night, and BB and I video chat when we can. Xe says I'm not doing too terrible.” He signed the last part, fumbling over _terrible_ , but BB nodded proudly.

“And that was on top of your regular course load,” Poe said. “You’re amazing, buddy.”

It was as if he was lit from the inside, feeling golden and warm. “It’s important,” Finn said, and Poe smiled at him.

“Stop being gross,” said Jess, shoving Poe’s shoulder. “Get a move on. Me and Rey are freezing out here, aren’t we?”

“It is a little cold,” said Rey apologetically, glancing as BB signed something too quick for Finn to follow. “Apparently Marshal Organa is waiting for us.”

“I'm telling her the reason we’re late is you couldn’t stop making eyes at the kid,” said Jess, and BB snickered when she belatedly signed it.

“You know,” Poe said quietly as they followed Jess and Rey into the ‘dome, “I would just like one day where everyone remembers I outrank them.”

“Pretty sure that will never happen,” said Finn, laughing quietly as Poe heaved a forlorn sigh.

Inside it was warm and dry, and Finn shoved his hood back as Jess ran a hand through her hair, carefully freeing it from the braid. Rey, he noted with delight, watched intently.

Poe cleared his throat, and Rey turned her startled jump into a weird aborted stretch. Jess cast a curious look at Rey as she twisted her hair into a knot and asked, “Anyone have a spare tie?”

“I do,” Rey said quickly, fumbling through her pockets before pulling one out.

“Thanks,” Jess said, and Rey just nodded, shoving her hands back into the jacket pockets. “What?” she asked Poe, who was carefully not grinning, although Finn could tell he really wanted to.

“Nothing,” said Poe. “I was just thinking the marshal would understand if we first took a detour.”

“Sometimes you’re not so dumb,” Jess said.

“Thanks,” Poe said dryly, and took Finn’s hand. “This way.”

The shatterdome’s halls were a warren, and Finn tried to pay attention to where they were going, noting the color lines painted on the floor that seemed to lead to the important hubs, but he was distracted by Poe’s hand in his and the bright glow that seemed to have taken up permanent residence in his chest. Despite that, he probably should have figured out they were headed to the hangar, given there couldn’t be anything in the shatterdome that would make Poe, Jess, and BB practically vibrate with excitement.

It was a different hangar then the one Nova Hyperion had been housed in. It was massive, catwalks trailing like spider webs from one corner to the other, a full crew of J-techs hurrying with purpose. It was filled with the familiar sounds of construction, and for a moment Finn felt like he was back on the Wall welding support beams into place.

“There she is,” said Jess, and nodded towards where Millennium Falcon stood facing Black Rebel.

Scaffolding enfolded both Jaegers, almost as if they were cocooned and sleeping. Giant cables trailed from Rebel’s core, connecting back to LOCCENT. She was missing her left arm, although Finn could see it carefully laid out several yards away. The plating had been removed, the inner workings laid bare as several more cables snaked out, probably to run diagnostics.

BB made a frustrated noise, signing too fast for Finn to catch anything other than _arm_ and _rocket._

“There are rockets in the arm?” Finn asked.

“Elbow rockets,” Poe corrected, shrugging at the face Finn made. “It comes in handy more often than you’d think. They still haven’t quite got the calibration right yet.”

BB jabbed a sharp finger into Poe’s side before signing, much slower this time, “ _The right arm is fine. Left is a problem.”_

“The left arm had to be completely replaced,” Poe explained. “We haven’t worked out all the kinks yet.”

The left had been ripped off, Finn remembered, and thought of the scars on Poe’s arm. It was famous, the image of Rebel on that beach, cold and dead. Like his father before him, Ben Organa was the first casualty of his generation of rangers, an omen for what would come.

“Oh, for god’s sake,” Jess swore. “I'm gone for a few days and they fuck up the stabilizers. Hey, assholes, if I have to fix your fuck up one more time I will personally throw you to the marshal!”

“She’s going to make them cry again,” Poe said affectionately as Jess hurried over to Falcon, Rey following, her eyes firmly trained on the Jaeger.

“Pretty sure I'm not going to see Rey again for days,” Finn said, not that he blamed her.

Black Rebel was beautiful, no other word for it, decked out in black with orange trim. She was larger than Millennium Falcon, although neither were heavy hitters like Chrome Brutus. While Falcon was built for speed, Rebel was made for close combat with her long arms and, apparently, elbow rockets. Finn wanted to say those were BB’s idea, but he was almost certain that was all Poe.

BB rocked up on xyr toes, and Finn dragged his gaze away to try to parse through what BB was signing, a rundown of all the new upgrades.

“Xe says that the IB22 Plasmacaster was installed,” Poe said. “It looks good. And—”

“She’s been outfitted with the latest gen of magnetorheological dampers,” Finn said. “BB also gave her a new knife. Wait, two? Nice. And both arms and legs have been reinforced with steel obsidian alloy.” He didn’t bother hiding his cocky grin as BB graced him with a fist bump.

“Your video chats were mainly about Rebel’s restoration,” said Poe.

“I know the sign for magnetorheological dampers but not the one for bathroom,” Finn said, and Poe laughed and slung his arm around Finn’s shoulders.

“Don’t touch that!” Jess shouted loud enough to be heard over the general mayhem of the hangar, which was impressive. She was wrestling a tablet away from some terrified tech while it looked like Rey had crawled inside Falcon’s left leg.

Carefully, with probably too many pauses, Finn signed _Can you make sure they don’t actually make anyone cry?_ to BB, who gave him a knowing look before heading in Jess’ direction, waving away those who were trying to intervene.

“So,” Poe said once BB made it to Jess and the two were in deep conversation, “what do you think?”

Poe’s expression didn’t change, but Finn felt a small fission of nerves, as if Poe was honestly unsure what Finn’s answer would be.

“She’s amazing,” he said honestly. Millennium Falcon had more kills to her than any other Jaeger, but Rebel had racked up a pretty impressive drop list of her own. She was one of the most deployed Jaegers, and Finn could feel her record settling heavily on his shoulders. “I like the orange trim.”

Poe ducked his head. “That was BB’s idea. It’s xyr favorite color.” There was a pause and then, “Ben hated it. He and BB fought about it.”

“What did he want?” Finn asked, and he practically felt Poe relax against him.

“He wanted all black. He thought the orange looked ridiculous. We outvoted him. He sulked for a solid week.”

Ben never smiled as much as Poe, Finn knew that much from what interviews he saw. Ben preferred to glower while Poe did all the charming, but they were always together, never more than a few feet separating them.

They had become the new face of the program, like it was ordained. Ben Organa was the closest thing the PPDC had to royalty, and Poe was the son of Shara Bey, who died shoving a nuclear bomb down Kaiceph’s throat. They had been the best of the best, adored, untouchable.

Would that be them, Finn wondered, him and Poe tied to one another? There was no hiding in the drift, no lies. Would Poe even like what he would find? Would Finn?

“What is it?” Poe asked. “You went quiet.”

“Nothing,” said Finn, pulling up a smile that felt a bit too tight. “I never expected to actually see a Jaeger.”

Poe looked back to Rebel, something like longing stealing over his face. “We’re lucky like that,” he said softly.

Finn leaned into Poe’s side, both of them watching as Black Rebel’s heart was briefly exposed, the core of her bright and hot, and Finn thought this might be the happiest he had ever been.

“I thought this is where you disappeared to,” Marshal Organa said, and Finn jerked to attention, sliding a glare at Poe who was openly laughing at him, the bastard. “Relax, ranger,” Organa said, amused.

“Sorry, ma’am,” said Finn because Poe was absolutely no help. “We got sidetracked.”

“You forget I was a pilot once.” Her gaze was trained on Millennium Falcon, and for a moment she looked young again, like any moment she would suit up and Han Solo or Luke Amidala would be by her side, all of them off to slay monsters.

“Marshal,” Poe said, and Organa’s expression flattened back into practicality. “What do you need?”

“A great many things,” she said, “but for now I will settle for you, Pava, and BB.” She crossed to Falcon, Finn and Poe following. Drawing herself to her full height and in a voice that, despite being no louder than her usual volume, cut through the noise said, “Ranger Pava, a moment, if you please.”

Later Finn would make fun of Jess for jumping too attention so fast that he could practically hear her muscles twang. Rey was no better, half scrambling and half falling out of Falcon, her hair loose about her face.

“Ma’am,” Jess said. “My apologies for our delay. I got distracted.”

“So I see,” said Organa. “Is there a problem?”

“Not anymore,” Jess said darkly, turning a glare on the nearest tech, who snatched the tablet from her and retreated with muttered curses.

“Glad to hear it.” Organa laid one hand on Falcon’s leg. “I knew I could trust you to oversee her restoration.”

Jess went pink. There was no other word for it, her entire face turned pink, and while she glared at them all but specifically Poe, Rey just stared at her, stunned. Finn suddenly saw his future and it involved a lot of conversations about feelings.

“Thank you, ma’am,” Jess said.

“I need you and Dameron in my office. Finn, Rey, welcome to the Icebox,” and with that she turned and strode from the hangar, BB at her side as everyone respectfully parted way for her.

“She has that effect on everyone,” Poe said while Finn could only stare after the marshal in silence. “I’ll see you for dinner?”

There it was again, that nervousness, like Finn hadn’t practically been glued to Poe’s side all day. “Come finds us when you’re done,” he said, and Poe smiled.

“I’ll see you later,” Jess said to Rey, adding quickly, “Your hair is, you know,” before grabbing Poe by the arm and dragging him after the marshal.

“Huh,” said Rey, already tucking her hair behind her ears. “What was that?”

“We are going to have a talk later,” said Finn. “I don’t suppose you know where we’re supposed to go?”

Rey shook her head, grabbing her bag where she dropped it next to Falcon. Finn glanced around, but no one was paying attention to them. Sighing, he said, “I guess we can try to find the mess. They have to come back for us eventually.”

Rey nodded, reaching for him, and Finn settled his hand in hers, letting her tug him along. The halls were just as confusing, and after a few minutes of following the yellow line, Finn said, “We’re lost.”

“We are not,” said Rey, pausing at an intersection of four corridors. “I'm pretty sure we’re getting closer.”

“Do we even know where the yellow line goes?”

Rey frowned, nose scrunched up as she said, “No.”

Finn was about to wave down a passing engineer when a PPDC officer with a cane said, “Please tell me those assholes didn’t abandon you without a map.”

“I think they assumed we knew where we were going,” said Finn because if Poe realized he and Rey were lost in the halls, he’d run straight out on the marshal and organize a search party. Idiot, he thought warmly.

“They did,” said Rey.

The man snorted and pulled out his phone, tapping a quick message before saying, “All right, kids, let me show you around. I'm Snap. We met in LOCCENT during the Draugr dust up. You two did good work.”

“Thanks,” Finn said. Given his size and the cane, Snap moved at a quick clip, and Finn scrambled to catch up.

“You were Jess’ co-pilot,” Rey said.

Finn raised his eyebrows, and Rey shook her head. Later, then.

“What do you mean were?” said Snap. “I still am. It doesn’t stop when you’re out of the harness. We might not be in a Jaeger anymore, but we’re still partners.”

“Oh,” Rey said, soft. “Are you all right with us drifting?”

“You’re sweet,” said Snap, pausing so they could draw even with him. “Look, I made my peace with what happened years ago. Jess is working on it. I love that woman to death, but she’s a little fucked in the head.” He added, gentle, “She’s the best partner you could ask for as long as you call her on her shit.”

“I figured that much out,” Rey said.

“Then you’re already ahead of the game where Jess is involved.” He tilted his head down to catch Rey’s gaze. “Word of advice,” he said solemnly, and Rey straightened, “never, ever let her try to explain her indexing system to you. It is the worst thing in the world. Seriously, ignore the doe eyes she gives you. Do not put yourself through that. It is terrible.”

“I don’t know what that means,” Rey said, “but okay?”

“Oh, aren’t you adorable,” he said, and Finn smiled at Rey’s annoyed glare. “All right, this is you. Poe is across the hall, Jess is two doors on your left, and I'm three down on your right. If you continue to follow the green line you’ll end up at the mess. Blue takes you to LOCCENT. Yellow is for the different hangers, but Bay Five is the only one open as of now.”

“Thanks,” said Finn.

“I’ll be in LOCCENT for both of your compatibility tests, so you have any questions come find me.” His phone beeped, and whatever message he got made him grin. “Your two assholes will be out in about an hour. Poe is begging your forgiveness for abandoning you.”

“He did not say that,” said Finn.

“You’d be surprised,” Snap said. His phone beeped again. “Jess just sent a bunch of profanity, which means she is also sorry. I know she’s basically a feral urban child, but she does care.”

“She showed me Brawler Yukon,” Rey said, and Finn had a vivid flashback to Rey sweetly telling him that. She had no idea how romantic she made it sound.

Snap’s expression didn’t change, but he said, almost gleeful, “You have told me possibly the greatest thing I have ever heard, so I'm going to let you in on a secret.” He leaned in close. “Jess kept every drawing you sent.”

“Huh,” Rey said, but she was blushing and fairly glowing with how damned pleased she was.

Finn found himself sharing a commiserating glance with Snap, who said, “You need anything else? Then I’ll see you later. Welcome to the PPDC.”

Finn got the door open as Rey thoughtfully watched Snap walk away. The room was almost identical to the one they stayed in that first night: two beds, one desk, and a small bathroom to the side.

Finn took the left bed, Rey sitting on the right, knees drawn up to her chin. Living with Rey taught him that it was best to wait her out. Finn would be the first to admit he didn’t have the healthiest childhood before Korr took him in, but even being passed around the system was a party compared to Rey, who had grown up so alone that Finn grieved for her.

“Jess told me,” she finally said.

“About Snap?” Finn asked, unpacking the few clothes he had. He would normally be embarrassed about how little he owned, but he noticed most people in the PPDC came into the program with just about the clothes on their back and nothing more.

“Yes. A drop went bad. He lost his leg and couldn’t pilot anymore.”

When Finn glanced at her, Rey was worrying at the blanket.

“There’s probably more to that,” he said.

“Obviously,” she said, a sharp bite to the words. “It was clearly a painful subject for Jess. I didn’t want to push her. She’ll tell me when she’s ready.”

“Look at you,” he said, throwing himself onto the bed, bouncing her on the terrible mattress they had to sleep on. “Growing as a person, being considerate of someone else’s feelings. I'm very proud of you.”

“Shut up,” she said, shoving him. “I saw you with Poe. You had that face again.”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about,” he lied. “You hungry?”

“A little,” she said, which meant she was starving.

“So I'm thinking we get some food and then figure our way around this place, probably find Jess and Poe and BB and make them feel bad about leaving us. What do you think? Sound like a plan?”

“It does.” She stood, holding out a hand to pull Finn to his feet. “I want to go back to the hanger. I didn’t get a good look at the updates they made to Millennium Falcon.”

“Like I'm going to say no to that,” said Finn, and followed her out the door.

 

 

 

If Finn expected for things to slow down once they transferred to the Icebox then BB showing up at their room at five in the morning would have dashed those hopes. As it was, he and Rey had been up for an hour, trading off who got to use the bathroom when BB burst inside, making a face as Finn pulled a pair of pants out.

“You could have knocked,” he said when xe made a show of turning xyr back to give Finn some semblance of privacy.

“Sign it!” Rey yelled from the bathroom.

Sighing, Finn finished dressing, waiting for BB to turn back around before doing his best, trying to get the syntax right. BB flapped a dismissive hand and shoved a tablet at him.

“What is it?” Rey asked. Steam wafted out behind her, and this was why Finn always did his best to grab the shower first. Rey could and did use up all the hot water given half a chance, not that Finn blamed her. She lived most of her life in the slums where hot anything was in short supply. She more than deserved it now.

BB grinned, signing smooth and even. That was for his benefit, Finn knew, because when BB was really excited xe vibrated in place and xyr signing was big and wild.

“All right, hold on,” said Finn. “You want to go over Rebel’s systems and upgrades? Wait, can you repeat that slower?” BB did so, slowing down even further when Finn frowned. “Since my only experience is the simulation drops you want to make sure I understand how Rebel works.” He stumbled through signing it, but BB gave him a thumbs up.

“I’ve seen some of the work they’ve done on her,” said Rey. “She’s amazing.”

Like he didn’t know that. “What about you?” he asked. “You coming with us?”

Rey shook her head. “I'm working on Millennium Falcon today. She’s a Mark I retrofitted with Mark IV software, not to mention all the physical reconstruction work done.”

“Uh-huh,” said Finn. “Admit it, you just want to give Jess your opinion on her work.”

“No,” Rey said quickly. “Stop smiling like that. It makes you look dumb.”

“I look adorable,” he said, laughing as Rey scowled and shoved him out the door. “Tell Jess I said hi!” he called back, only to get the door firmly shut in his face.

_“She’s going to hit you,”_ BB said.

_“And you’re not teasing either Jess or Poe,”_ Finn replied, only for BB to give him wide, guileless eyes. _“You’re fooling no one.”_

This early, first shift was just starting to come on duty, although restoration on both Jaegers continued around the clock. Rebel’s left arm was still unattached, although a quick look at the tablet showed it was scheduled to be fitted into place later that day.

When he slowed to take Rebel in, ready to go over schematics and perhaps run diagnostics, BB snagged his arm and dragged him over to the service elevator. He followed without argument, knowing it would get him nowhere with BB, who expected everyone to keep up with xyr. Xe and Rey were alike in that way. They rode to the top in silence, and Finn blamed the fact that it wasn’t even six yet and he was running on no coffee or food that it took him so long to realize BB was taking him to the conn-pod.

_“Wait,”_ he said, staring at the open hatch at the back of what was essentially Rebel’s head. _“I can’t go in there.”_

BB rolled xyr eyes and yanked Finn forward. The lights flickered to life as they stepped inside, and for a moment it felt like he was trespassing on sacred ground. This was Black Rebel’s neural center, her brain, and it felt wrong to be there without Poe.

_“I really don’t think,”_ he began, only for BB to push past him, fingers tapping rapidly on the tablet.

The conn-pod wasn’t how he had imagined it to be before joining the PPDC: there was no polished, immaculate chrome, no sleek panels. Instead it was a circular room, the paneling newly installed, dominated by the two harnesses in the center.

Carefully, Finn moved further in, circling around the updated harnesses. This was where he and Poe would lock in for the neural handshake. This was where Ben Organa died.

_“I don’t know if I can do this,”_ he admitted, fumbling through the signs.

BB placed xyr tablet down, moving slowly to stand in front of Finn. With one hand, xe held Finn’s wrist, grip surprisingly strong, and with the other xe tapped at the center console between the harnesses. Rebel’s screens activated, casting them both in blue light.

BB tugged Finn to where xe wanted him, pointing at the readout of Rebel’s core. _“Look,”_ xe said. _“Look.”_

It was the steady beat of Black Rebel’s heart, and Finn felt it when she pulsed to life, an inaudible hum that seemed to sing through him.

_“I made this for you and Poe,”_ BB said. _“I'm scared, too, but together we go on.”_

“I felt it in San Francisco,” Poe had told him, the words hanging between them, the only secret Finn wanted. “It felt like you were calling for me.”

No one knew what made two people compatible. There was no science to it, no logic, just two individuals, separate and alone, coming together to make something greater than themselves. It was terrifying and miraculous, and Finn wanted it so bad he traveled thousands of miles for just the slight chance of being near Poe.

_“Show me everything,”_ he said, and BB smiled.

 

 

 

It must have been late morning when Finn felt that little awareness in the back of his head, and as he pulled himself out of the crawlspace below the harnesses it was to see Poe standing there, a tray in one hand and a thermos of what he truly hoped was coffee in the other.

“I figured BB didn’t give you a chance to get breakfast,” Poe said.

“I love you,” Finn said fervently, practically snatching the tray from Poe’s hand. “Is that coffee?”

“It is,” Poe said. “You can’t eat over here. If you drop any food into her inner workings BB will kill you.”

“No, xe won’t,” said Finn. “We’re bros now.” And because BB had an uncanny ability to know when xe was being talked about, xe wandered over, bumping xyr fist into Finn’s and grabbing a bacon sandwich from the tray before going back to Rebel’s console.

“I think you may have just passed Rey as xyr favorite,” Poe said, balancing the tray as they took a seat at the edge of the conn-pod.

“Never going to happen,” said Finn, because BB adored Rey. It didn’t bother him because he adored Rey, too. “But I think xe likes me more than you, though.”

“Traitor,” Poe said, smiling in the way that made the corners of his eyes crinkle.

Finn cleared his throat and poked at the eggs. “So me and BB have been going over her systems all morning.”

“I know that was BB’s plan,” said Poe, “but I didn’t know xe meant to drag you out of bed so early or I would have warned you.”

“I was up already,” Finn said. “So it wasn’t dragged so much as shoved out the door.”

“That’s very considerate for BB.” He passed the thermos over before clearing his throat. “Xe was really excited about Rebel getting another pilot, you know.”

Finn took a long drink of coffee, reminding himself that Jess had warned him that Poe was a hot mess. Just his luck he got stuck with two people who apparently didn’t know how to deal with feelings. At least Poe acknowledged he had them.

“Yeah, I got that,” he said. “I'm pretty excited about it, too.”

Poe smiled even as his gaze kept going back to the harnesses.

“It’s different now, isn’t it?” Finn said. “I know BB upgraded pretty much everything.”

“It is,” Poe admitted. “It’s strange, being back here when it looks different. Not bad,” he added.

There it was again, that quiet sadness that slipped across Poe when he thought no one was looking. Finn saw it in Marshal Organa when she looked at Millennium Falcon. He didn’t understand it, could never understand it, but he knew the type of loss both Organa and Poe suffered never truly faded. It lingered, deep and silent, and while he was not foolish enough to think he could banish it completely, he hoped he could at least help carry the weight.

“I think,” Finn said slowly, “that Ben would have liked seeing Rebel back on her feet.”

“He would have loved everything BB’s done,” Poe agreed. “Especially the elbow rockets. Don’t tell anyone, but that was his idea. He really liked punching kaiju.”

“Like you don’t,” Finn said.

“Got me there,” Poe admitted. “You’ll see him in the drift.”

“I know,” Finn said. Shaak Ti, who carried almost nothing with her into the training simulations, held on so tightly to Colt that Finn felt the echoes of their partnership. “You love him.”

“I did.” Poe smiled, a small, quick thing, there and gone. “He could be terrible, you know, arguing with anyone he saw just because he was bored or frustrated. He and the marshal would have these screaming matches that could last for hours when they were in the right mood. Ben claimed it was good for them, but they mostly seemed tired. Organa actually grounded him for a week once. He wasn’t allowed in the hanger much less near Rebel.”

“She did not,” Finn said, trying to picture the marshal essentially disciplining her son with no television.

“The official reason was to give us time to recover for our last drop,” said Poe, “but no, Ben was grounded. He moped the entire time. I had to almost physically drag him out of the room for meals.”

Poe leaned into him, and Finn shifted, letting Poe slip in closer.

“He was a good man,” Poe said. “He knew better than all of us what we were facing. It scared him, but he always went out. He never,” his voice cracked, “he never let me face it alone.”

Finn covered Poe’s hand with his own. “You’re not alone.”

“I know.” Poe twined their fingers together. “Want to walk me through what you learned?”

“Not particularly,” Finn said, standing and using their linked hands to pull Poe to his feet. “I thought instead we can go over the changes me and BB made, get your input on them.”

“I like that plan,” Poe said, then, “I spoke with the marshal. Our test is in two days.”

Finn breathed in deep, feeling the thrum of Rebel beneath his feet, the warmth of Poe beside him. “Good,” he said as Rebel sang around them.

 

 

 

The night before the test, he must have sighed one too many times, because Rey said irritably, “Come here.”

She carefully set aside her tablet and the schematics for Millennium Falcon, and Finn sat in the space she made for him. She waited until he settled, nervously twisting the cuff of Poe’s jacket, before saying, “What is it this time? You’ve been sighing forlornly for the past hour.”

“I have never sighed forlornly in my life,” he said, yelping when Rey poked his ribs.

“You’ll feel better when you tell me,” she said, and poked him again.

“Quit it,” he snapped, batting her hands away, although he couldn’t deny she was right. Rey was his touchstone, the one person he could turn to when everything became too hot and bright. In the quiet of their room, he would confess his worries and fears, and in return Rey would share her own, both holding on to one another.

Rey nudged him before letting her shoulder settle next to his. “Come on, then. What is it?”

“What if I break Black Rebel?” he said in a rush, adding an offended “hey!” when Rey started giggling.

“How would you even do that?” Rey asked.

“I don’t know! There’s a lot of buttons and switches in there! What if I power up the plasmacaster?”

Rey collapsed completely against him, laughing, nose scrunched up, and not for the first time Finn thought she was the most beautiful woman he had ever seen. “First of all,” she said, wiping her eyes, “you’ve spent the past two days practically living in the conn-pod. The only person who knows the systems better is BB and that’s because xe rebuilt all of them.

“Secondly, even if you somehow impossibly manage to actually activate a weapon, Poe will be there to help shut everything down. And in the even more impossible situation that doesn’t work, BB and I will be in LOCCENT to pull the plug.”

“I know, I know,” he said, hunching further in the jacket, remembering the way Poe had settled it on his shoulders when he tried to return it. “He just really loves her.”

Rey wriggled, and Finn lifted an arm so she could curl into him. “You want to tell me what’s really wrong?”

The problem with Rey, Finn thought, was that she was sort of shit at reading anyone but him, which had the unfortunate consequence that she still hadn’t figured out what those looks Jess gave her meant and it was impossible for him to hide anything from her, not that he wanted to.

“He’s already lost one partner,” said Finn. “What if I'm not what he wants?”

“Oh, Finn,” she said. “That is even more impossible than you actually breaking Rebel. Do you know how he looks at you? He went back for you in San Francisco when you knew each other, what, a couple hours? He’s apparently been telling everyone for months how amazing you are.”

“I was really hoping Jess was joking about that,” he said.

“Nope,” Rey said cheerfully. “Even the marshal said he would not shut up about you.”

He told _Marshal Organa._ If only it was possible to travel back in time and die of mortification before any of this happened.

Rey laid her head on his shoulder. “What else?”

She really did know how to read him.

“What if my mind doesn’t like his?”

And there it was, the one thing Finn couldn’t keep from prodding at until it felt his whole body ached from it. Poe was the best pilot in the PPDC, and Finn was Finn, an orphaned kid who was lucky enough to meet Poe and Rey and BB, Jess and Snap and Organa, but he had no illusions how he compared to them.

“Stop it,” Rey said, and poked him again.

“Stop what?”

“Whatever you’re thinking that’s making you look so sad.” She abruptly sat up, and Finn shifted so they were facing on another. “You are so amazing, Finn, and I’m so excited for you.”

“Really?” he said, hating how young he sounded, like the kid Korr took in.

“Yes,” she said firmly. “Poe could not ask for a better co-pilot. And if for whatever reason it doesn’t take, I'm calling dibs on you right now.”

“I don’t think it works like that,” he said, smiling.

“It does now,” she said, and then, “What does it feel like when Poe’s around?”

“Weird. It’s like—” he broke off. Whenever he was in the same room as Poe, it was like champagne bubbles sliding down his spine, or like the one time he got to soak in a hot tub for as long as he wanted after a day high up on the Wall, like he was floating and nothing hurt. “It’s good,” he finally said. “Sort of warm and fuzzy. Do you feel like that with Jess?”

“I don’t know,” Rey said. “It’s strange, when she looks at me. It’s good, maybe.”

“Poe is always smiling at me,” Finn grumbled.

Rey suddenly smirked. “I know he is. Plus he has those gentle, mysterious eyes.”

“This is why I am never drinking with you again,” Finn said, regretting the night they did shots with the rest of their class and he had mumbled those words into Rey’s neck as they stumbled back to their room. He shoved her as she laughed.

“You’re going to be fine tomorrow,” she said. “You and Poe, you’re going to be amazing.”'

She meant it. Rey, he learned, never said anything she didn’t mean, and, god, how he loved her for it.

“Hey,” he said, carefully taking her hand in his. “Whatever happens in our drifts, we’re in this together.” At her short nod, he added, “I mean it. Like you said, if this doesn’t work out, we’ll go grab a Jaeger and kick ass. And we can always go if we need to.”

“Thank you,” she said, and Finn tucked her back into his side. “I still have dibs.”

“You’ve always had dibs,” he said. “You can’t get rid of me now.”

“Not like I want to,” she said, and laid her head back on his shoulder.

 

 

 

Out of everything, Jaegers, the handshake, piloting, the one thing everyone forgot to mention was how damn uncomfortable the drivesuit and the battle armor were. The J-techs had only just finished sliding the spine piece into place and already Finn was eyeing the toolbox to see if maybe he could find a screwdriver to pry up the suit plating.

“Sorry,” Poe said from where he had finished suiting up. “No one tells you how stiff these things are. You look good.”

“Thanks,” Finn said, glancing down when a tech handed him his helmet. There it was again, that warm glow taking up space in the back of his head. It felt a bit like the first time he had access to a fresh orange after months of dry rations, how it had burst sweet and tart on his tongue. “Um,” he said, glancing over as the techs finished their last checks.

“Problem, buddy?” Poe said.

Finn lowered his voice. “How the hell do you go in the bathroom in this?”

Poe laughed, slinging an arm around his shoulders and tugging him close. “Best to go before, but there is sort of a catheter in the suit.”

“Oh, hell no,” Finn protested, which just made Poe laugh harder.

“Come on,” he said. “Time to meet the lady.”

“I’ve met her,” said Finn.

“But this time it’s official.” Poe waggled his eyebrows, and Finn didn’t bother to hide his smile.

It was the first time he had seen Black Rebel whole, and she shone under the lights. He had spent the better part of two days in the conn-pod, running through her systems, performing diagnostic after diagnostic, tweaking her code to make her run smoother, faster, trying to learn what he could so as not to disappoint everyone. As they traveled to the conn-pod, all Finn could do was gaze at her with the same amount of reverence as Poe. Poe knew her longer, but that didn’t mean Finn loved her any less.

The conn-pod was empty except for BB and Snap, both of them with tablets in hands. BB bounded over, shoving the tablet at Poe in order to sign fast.

“Xe said,” Snap translated, barely looking up, “that since xe knows what a particular asshole you are, Poe, here’s the settings in case you want to nitpick the shit out of them.”

“Xe did not say that,” said Poe.

“Not in those exact words,” Finn said, and Poe gently hip checked him.

Finn’s gaze kept straying to the harnesses, feeling the press of Black Rebel’s history.

Poe said, “Hey, Finn, come look at this. What do you think?”

Finn tried to hide how he jumped, but he was pretty sure he failed judging by Snap’s raised eyebrows.

“What am I looking at?” Finn said.

Poe draped his arm back over Finn’s shoulders again, and Finn did his best to ignore BB’s smirk. “You know what you’re looking at. You’ve been staring at nothing else since you got here. Everything look good?”

“Yes,” Finn said, going over the data one last time. “Wait.” He tapped and brought up Rebel’s left hydraulics. “Look, you’re taking the right side, yeah?”

“I am?” Poe said, eyebrows raised.

“I just figured, with your arm, you know,” Finn said, feeling a blush start to creep up his neck. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to assume—”

“No, no,” Poe said quickly, ducking his head and smiling softly. “You’re right. It’s not as strong. It’s fine, as long as you’re good with that.”

Finn nodded, helpless but to grin back, feeling something soft start to unfurl in him.

BB made a high pitched noise, turning to Snap who said, “I know. This is like Sydney all over again when—”

“Shut up,” Poe suddenly snapped. His ears, Finn noted with delight, were turning a deep red. “We agreed to never bring that up again.”

“You agreed,” said Snap.

“Then I guess your wife needs to know about how in Lima you—”

“What were you saying about the hydraulics, Finn?” Snap said loudly.

Finn raised his eyebrows, swallowing when Poe leaned in and whispered, “I’ll tell you about Lima later.”

“Um,” Finn said, aware of how Snap was now glaring at them. “It just looks a little unbalanced? I mean, it’s not going to knock us over or anything, but if we ease back about, I don’t know, three percent, that should give us a quicker response time.”

BB took the tablet back, humming softly. _“I’ll take care of it.”_

“Nice catch, kid,” Snap said.

“Thanks,” Finn said, suddenly distracted by what felt like bright fireworks going off behind his eyes.

“Anything else?” Snap asked, and BB looked up expectantly at them.

“I’m good,” Poe answered. “Finn?”

As soon as Snap and BB were back in LOCCENT, he and Poe would climb in the harnesses where they would drift, and Finn would find out if they fit or if he was going to be one more regret for Poe to shoulder.

He nodded, feeling how jerky it was, aware of Poe studying him.

_“I have you,”_ BB signed.

“Like you would let anyone else near the controls,” Poe said even as he and Snap exchanged a quick look.

“It’ll be another few minutes,” Snap said. “Good luck.”

_“Like you need it,”_ BB signed, added something quick that Finn couldn’t catch.

_“You did,”_ Poe signed, smiling, and then they were alone.

“What did BB say?” Finn asked.

“Xe said that, and I quote, ‘I told you I’d find him for you.’”

“Oh my god,” Finn groaned, covering his face with one hand.

“If anyone should be embarrassed here it’s me.”

“You are a disaster, it’s true,” Finn said.

“Please stop hanging out with Jess,” Poe said. He stepped closer, reaching out to grasp Finn’s shoulders. “Hey, whatever happens, you have me, buddy. You know that, right?”

“I know,” Finn said, aware of how unconvincing he sounded.

And then Poe was gripping the back of his neck, pulling him in until their foreheads touched. “I mean it,” he said. “Even if we never drift, you have me.”

It was like sparks burning the top of his spine. Finn felt those words down to his toes. He closed his eyes, exhaled, and said, “I have you. Let’s do this.”

Poe released him, fingertips lingering just a moment against his skin. “One more thing, I know they told you this, but it’s different than the simulation. Let the memories flow through you. Don’t latch on. Don’t chase the rabbit.”

“Okay,” Finn said, pulling his helmet on, listening to the click of it fastening.

Poe did the same. “And you’re going to see Ben in there.”

“You mean the last drift with him,” Finn said.

Poe nodded, eyes gone dark and sad. “Just…be ready for that.”

Finn reached over, pulled Poe back in to touch their helmets together. “We can do this,” he said. “I’m pretty sure we’re keeping BB waiting.”

He followed Poe up to the harness, gently stepping into it and feeling it lock into place. The display lit up, synching to his and Poe’s drivesuits. No turning back now, but that was true from the moment he saw Poe standing in the Jaeger bay. For better or worse, he and Poe were in this together.

“All set, gentlemen?” Marshal Organa asked over the intercom.

Poe glanced at him, eyebrows raised in silent question, and Finn took a deep breath, let it out, and nodded.

“We’re ready whenever you are,” Poe said.

On the display BB’s reply popped up: initiating NEURAL HANDSHAKE.

Finn met Poe’s gaze, and then he was falling. For a brief moment he couldn’t breathe, the drivesuit too tight, everything bright and hot, and he was reaching up to yank his helmet off when he felt it, the warm press of Poe’s thoughts against his: _I got you, I’m here._

And then it was just a matter of reaching back, finding Poe waiting for him. It was so easy, like sliding into sleep beside your favorite person, knowing you belonged.

The memories came then, his and Poe’s, and Finn let them flow through him: he was six years old and sitting with his mother in the cockpit of her favorite plane; he was splashing in the waves, sun warm on his skin, his parents grabbing him and swinging him high above their heads; it was sunny the day of his mother’s funeral and he wanted nothing more than to be in the sky where nothing could touch him; “It’s okay if you don’t love me,” Korr Sella said, “I love you, and this will always be your home no matter what”; Ben Organa never managed to grow into his ears, and every time Ben and the marshal fought, all he could think was at least Ben still had a mother; it was cold high up on the Wall, but Korr Sella was laid off and money and food were scarce and what else could he do; during their first drift, Ben saw inside his head and thought, surprised, _Oh, you know how it feels too_ ; Poe Dameron was in the break room, and before he could back out, Poe turned and he was done for; Leia pressed a gentle kiss to his forehead, and for a moment he almost wept with missing his own mother; Rey’s hand was warm and strong in his own, and they were running together, breathless; Finn was actually here, wearing the jacket Poe gave him, BB did it, xe found him; Poe flat on his back, the matt giving under his knees as he leaned down, Poe grinning even with a staff over his neck; and then…

“Oh,” Finn said as they stretched and lifted Rebel’s hands, fists curled tight just to feel the flex.

“Yeah,” Poe agreed, and they were grinning at each other.

Finn laughed, couldn’t stop it, feeling Poe’s happiness bubble up in him, sweet as that first giggle of champagne on his tongue.

“That was you,” Finn said. “That was all you.”

God, he could _feel_ Poe’s embarrassment, the way he was thinking of how to get out of this even though he didn’t actually want to go anywhere.

“Your reputation is ruined now,” Finn told him, knowing Poe could sense how fond he felt.

“I never had a reputation,” Poe admitted, and then, _I liked how you thought I was cool._

_You’re a little cool,_ Finn sent back, and that sunburst of joy again, like Poe didn’t know how not to feel it whenever he was with Finn.

IF YOU’RE THROUGH, BB sent, and Finn had to laugh a little at how irritated that message sounded. WE NEED TO CONTINUE WITH THE TESTING.

“Sorry, BB,” Poe said. “We’re ready.”

Finn wondered, just for a second, if this was how Ben felt, like he was being held up by something stronger than himself, of two people perfectly fitted together.

“You’re looking good, Rebel,” Snap said. “Let’s put her through some moves.”

Even in the simulation, there was always an extra effort in moving the Jaeger, muscles straining just a bit, but Rebel, god, controlling her was like that first sweet stretch in the morning, loose and easy.

It was going smoothly when it happened, Finn checking the reactor readout when he felt it, a little stutter, like a mental hiccup. He shook his head, determined to keep focused. Don’t chase the rabbit, he reminded himself sternly, doing his best to follow Shaak Ti’s lessons: stay in the drift, find the middle path, don’t wander.

When Marshal Organa asked them to pull up the plamsacaster to test the targeting system, it happened again, a sharp jerk as if he were tripping over his own feet. He looked to Poe, worried. God, he should have known he was going to screw this up. He couldn’t—the right display flickered. It wasn’t him.

“Poe,” Finn said. Poe stared past him, eyes distant. “Poe, no, stay with me. Marshall, BB, he’s chasing the rab—”

And then Finn was gone.

He opened his eyes to Rebel’s conn-pod, but the updated harnesses were gone and there was no second set of controls for the plasmacaster. There was water everywhere, dripping down through his cracked helmet as atmosphere went crazy, pressure out of control, and Finn scrambled to recalibrate their balance before they fell to their knees.

“Pumps are down!”

He knew what he would see before he turned his head: Ben Organa, with his large ears and his mother’s eyes, in the right harness, visor cracked, blooding dripping from a gash below his left eye, as familiar to Poe as his own face.

Oh, this was Poe’s memory, the one he warned of, and Finn wasn’t in control, wasn’t even an outside observer. He was a powerless passenger as Poe relived it all over again.

Mutavore ripped Rebel’s left arm off at the elbow, and Finn— _Poe_ bit back a scream.

“You okay?” Ben shouted.

“On the left!” Poe said, and they barely brought up their right arm to block the vicious swipe of Mutavore’s claws.

It was a feint, and suddenly Mutavore’s tail wrapped around their leg, and Rebel went down hard, the shock tearing at Ben’s knee. Ben whined high in his throat, his thoughts wild. All Poe could catch was Ben’s sharp, acrid fear.

_Let this go,_ Finn thought desperately. _Poe, please, let it go._

“We have to cut ourselves free,” Poe said, and then, “Starboard!”

Rebel’s knife slid from their right hand, and they caught Mutavore across its belly. It roared, rearing backwards, tail tightening. Something in Ben’s knee ripped, and their handshake wavered once, twice, before snapping back into place, a core of steel running through them.

No, not them, _Ben_. Ben’s thoughts were fast and desperate. He knew they weren’t walking away from this.

“Together,” Poe said desperately, because he loved Ben.

Ben nodded, and they were moving, twisting, plasmacaster firing once, twice, missing before a round went through Mutavore’s shoulder. Another round hit the mark, and Mutavore’s right arm hung dead and useless.

Poe grinned. They were going to be fine. Everything was going to be—Mutavore’s tail ripped into Rebel’s heart and every system crashed. As Poe uselessly rushed to divert power, desperate to get ahead of damage control, Ben looked at him one last time and thought, _You are the best pilot we got. You’ll get through this._

“No,” Poe said, but he knew, of course he did. Ben had been in his head for seven years, and Poe knew the bones of him. “You _can’t.”_

For perhaps the only time Ben’s mind was clear. No more grief over his father, no more fear of failing his mother, no more fighting with himself about whether to get into Rebel and go out again and again, nothing but a clarity of purpose that Ben was relieved to find he was capable of.

_Poe,_ he thought, so much packed in there, and Poe knew it all. _Mom._

And before Poe could think to fight him, Ben wrested control away for that one damn moment, turning so that Mutavore’s open jaws took him.

It was like—Finn had no reference for this. It was like a star collapsed inside his chest leaving nothing but a terrible gravity well that swallowed light whole.

Finn—Poe—they _screamed._

Trying to carry that neural load on its own was suicide, but Poe was already drowning. He pulled the knife free, sliced through the tail. Stabbed upward, caught Mutavore in the throat, the jaw, the cheek, and then finally through the eye.

Mutavore fell, and Ben was gone.

Poe felt the hole in his mind, and he screamed again, or perhaps he had never stopped.

Nothing left, Rebel slowly crushing him under her weight, no co-pilot to carry it with him, Poe turned her to shore.

He had no memory of crawling onto the beach, Rebel’s remaining arm giving out. He didn’t remember pulling himself free of his harness, of stumbling out into the winter sun, collapsing to his knees, salt water running down his face, swallowed down his torn throat. All Poe knew was desperately reaching for that last shred of Ben, trying to cling to even the barest scrap of him, but there was nothing.

There, on a nameless beach along the Alaskan coastline, he wept, terrible jagged, soundless sobs that cleaved him in two. Finn didn’t know a body could cry like that without breaking.

And Finn thought, _No, not again, not alone._

He reached out, found Poe’s mind, and latched on tightly, as tightly as he had ever wanted to hold anything in his life, as tight as he took Rey’s hand that first day, as tightly as he had grabbed Poe when they found each other again.

And then, finally, Finn knelt before Poe, pushed the hair out of his eyes and said, “I got you, Poe. I’m here. I’m not going anywhere. _I got you.”_

And Poe looked up, face twisted in grief still so fresh after all these years, and reached back.

“Shit, right side is still out of alignment,” Snap said. “Wait, I got left coming back on. Right is following.”

“Rangers,” Marshal Organa said, the voice that led countless pilots home, and still dazed from the memory, Finn straightened to attention. “I need you back. Answer me.”

“Sorry, ma’am,” Poe said, voice hoarse, and Finn reached across the distance to take Poe’s hand. “We’re back.”

“Report,” Organa demanded.

Finn looked at the time; only a few minutes passed since they started chasing the rabbit.

“My apologies,” Poe said. “I was caught by surprise. It won’t happen again.”

HANDSHAKE STRONG AND HOLDING, BB reported. BOTH LEFT AND RIGHT HEMISPHERES ALIGNED. IT LOOKS GOOD.

“Ranger Finn,” Organa said, “your assessment please. Are you still able to continue with the test?”

Finn looked at Poe, at his ashen skin and wide eyes, and felt the quiet, haunting sadness that he would always carry. They all heard the stories, of pilots who had lost their drift partner and the toll that took on the survivor. But no one could know the depth of that pain, how you wanted to shut your mind away just to try to find a moment of relief.

But here Poe was, never hesitating to reach out since the moment they met. He had felt Poe’s excitement and sheer delight at drifting together. And even now, after chasing the rabbit, Poe was worried about _Finn,_ like Finn would see Poe as washed up, dangerous and unfit, like Finn could actually not want him.

Whatever fears he carried into the drift about somehow impossibly disappointing Poe, Finn let it all fall away. And then, finally, it was just the two of them, as connected as two people could be, meeting at every point, perfectly fitted to one another.

“Yes, ma’am,” Finn said, holding tightly to Poe. “We are more than able to continue.”

The first time in the simulator, Shaak Ti said the drift was silence. Well, she had definitely never drifted with Poe then, because through the handshake, over and over, Poe sent out a joyous _I found you, I found you, I found you._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Old fandom grandma finally joined tumblr. I'm dharmaavocado over there. Come say hi.


	6. Chapter 6

There was almost a palpable sigh of relief when Black Rebel came back online, both left and right hemispheres clicking together as if they were never apart. The handshake was strong and stable, and Jess didn’t need to be in the conn-pod with Poe and Finn to feel the drift singing between them.

“Thank fuck,” Snap said quietly, and Jess nudged his shoulder in agreement.

Rey glanced over, gaze dark and serious. Her eyes were ridiculous, Jess thought, large and expressive to the point where no matter how stone faced Rey went, her eyes gave her away.

“You never really know how a first drift is going to go,” Jess told her, “and especially not when, well.”

“You mean Ben Organa,” Rey said.

Jess nodded, and Rey turned her gaze back to Rebel. “He chased the rabbit,” she said slowly, looking at Poe’s drivesuit readout.

“Not unexpected,” Snap said as BB switched between display consoles too quick for Jess to keep up. “When you suffer something that traumatic, it hangs around.”

When Rey turned wide eyes on her, Jess just managed to not wince. “Finn brought him back,” she said instead, trying to gently feel out any conversational pitfalls. “That’s what you do, in the drift. You go after your partner.”

The spike of pure longing was so bright and hot that Jess actually stumbled under it, swaying into the steadying hand Snap tucked under her elbow. Jess didn’t remember much about the world before K-Day, but she had vivid memories of her mothers taking her to the Sears tower where she had pressed her face to the glass and stared down and down, wanting nothing more than to leap out into empty air.

Now with Rey’s desperate longing and panic beating at her mind, it felt like that, an empty expanse beneath her, and all she had to do was step out to see what happened.

“I don’t like how that atmosphere regulator looks,” Rey murmured, and went to BB’s side, signing quickly as xe pulled up the relevant display.

“You always did have a way with the girls,” Snap said, but quietly. He could probably feel Jess’ encroaching headache.

“Shut up,” she muttered, blinking rapidly. “Jesus.”

“You okay?”

She nodded carefully. “There’s a lot going on there.”

“Hell, Pava, I could have told you that. You love complicated.”

Jess shot him an annoyed glare, but Snap was bustling towards a hapless tech with a sharp, “Don’t fucking touch that. Yes, you. Leave it. Those are the original settings for Rebel and—because Dameron will kill you, that’s why. Give it to me.”

“Problem?” Organa asked, and Jess did her best not to startle. Despite how focused Organa was on Poe and Finn’s drift, nothing got past the marshal.

“No, ma’am,” Jess said. “It’s nothing.”

“Sometimes,” Organa said, “I think everyone forgets I was pilot, one of the first, I might remind you. I’ve had two partners, and I can tell you nothing good can come from trying to hide anything in the drift.” When she didn’t respond, Organa said, “You pilots all act as if compatibility is the be all and end all of drifting. It’s just one part that makes up the whole. Honesty and trust is just as important, if not more so. Compatibility means shit if you don’t respect your partner and trust them.”

“Yes, ma’am,” Jess said. “I know.”

“Do you?” Organa murmured, turning her attention back to Rebel. “Rey, have Finn pull up the plasmacaster again. I want to make sure that’s operational.”

And Jess was left alone, staring up at Rebel where Poe and Finn were drifting, so filled with envy her goddamn teeth ached. If Rey shifted, body tensing as if for a fight, well, Jess wasn’t looking at her to see it.

 

 

After the test was over and the neural handshake disengaged, Jess retreated to the hangar bay floor, climbing the scaffolding to where she left off earlier in working on the plating for Falcon’s right leg. When she and Snap and Poe could no longer pilot, Snap went to LOCCENT, Poe to teaching the new recruits, and Jess to engineering, although she and Snap had been dragged into the classroom so often they might as well be instructors.

She loved piloting, the feeling of being part of a greater sum than just her small part, but working on Jaegers was satisfying in how they came alive under her hands. It settled her when it felt like her thoughts were scratching grooves on the inside of her skull, stuck on a loop of Rey racing to Rebel’s conn-pod, of Finn hugging her so hard she was lifted off her feet, Poe practically glowing behind him.

That was the beauty of the first drift, knowing and being known so completely it was impossible to remember how you ever lived alone up until then. And then, afterward, realizing all you had to do was reach out and there your co-pilot was, just waiting for you in the back of your head.

It wasn’t like the neural handshake where there was no separation between two minds, like an open door you could walk through whenever you wanted. Outside of the drift, it was more like a crack in the wall; you couldn’t walk through it, but it allowed you a glimpse to the other side, and it was just wide enough to pass small things back and forth.

Snap said it felt like playing telephone with two cans attached by a string. When the string was taunt, every sound was transmitted clear and sweet. But let the string sag, and while words could still make it through, they were muddled and thick with dropped vowels and slurred syllables.

Whatever it was, strings or doors, it meant that you were never truly alone in your head, and sometimes, she thought with a sigh as she turned off her welding torch, you found yourself with more than one connection.

“Bad time?” Rey asked, her mind brushing hesitantly against Jess’ own.

She wasn’t doing it on purpose, Jess reminded herself. No one told her about it because it was only spoken about between pilots.

“Just finishing up here,” Jess said, pushing back her mask. “What’s up?”

There was a flush to Rey’s cheeks. “Snap sent me,” she said, voice taking on the controlled cadence that said she was reciting a message word for word. “It’s dinnertime, and he said there was no way you were going to abandon him alone with the newlyweds, and also he can’t believe you were going to make him come down here, what with his leg.”

“Bitch, bitch, bitch,” Jess said, wincing at the ache in her knees as she stood. “I don’t know how his wife puts up with him. You coming to dinner with us?”

“I wanted to go over the results again,” Rey said.

“Nope,” Jess said. “Snap’s right. Poe and Finn are going to be terrible, and I, for one, will not suffer alone through it. Besides, if you don’t show up Finn is going to make that sad baby bird face.”

He doesn’t have—” Rey started to protest, breaking off when Jess raised a pointed eyebrow at her. “It is sort of a sad baby bird face.”

“Lucky for the kid Poe is smitten.” She glanced down at her grease stained tank, sighing and grabbing her jacket. “Think I have time to change or will all the good food be gone?”

“You look fine,” Rey said, gaze suddenly focused on Jess’ left ear. “And better not risk it with the food.”

“Good point,” Jess said. Rey and Finn both ate in the way that said they had gone without far too often, glancing warily around as if they were convinced any moment someone would tell them it was a mistake and snatch the food away, which was ridiculous because if anybody actually tried Jess would cut them, but it wasn’t easy to unlearn a lifetime’s survival in a few short months.

The line was short at the mess hall, and while Rey obviously restrained herself to normal portions, Jess loaded the shit out of her tray, because she could see Snap already seated next to Finn, no Poe in sight, and she wasn’t about to make him get up again. Plus Rey always forgot how much she liked gravy to dunk her biscuits in, and Jess knew about Snap’s lifelong love affair with baked potatoes. She grabbed another two plates and liberated an entire tub of sour cream.

When that asshole Anderson from ops cleared his throat in a pointed manner, Jess glared until he ducked his head with a muttered, “Sorry,” and scuttled past.

When Rey gave her a pointed look, Jess asked, “What?”

“It’s nothing,” Rey said, which was a blatant lie because they had barely settled at the table when Rey asked Snap, “Does she try to start fights with everyone?”

“Not everyone,” Snap answered, reaching over and plucking dishes from Jess’ tray, “just assholes.”

“It’s not like I do it every day,” Jess said, handing over the sour cream. “Hey, Finn, where’s your other half?”

“Marshal Organa wanted to meet with him,” Finn answered. “He’ll be here in a bit. Is that mac and cheese?”

Jess pushed the plate towards him, elbowing Snap when he said quietly, “You old softie.”

Finn was squirming a bit, rolling his shoulders like he had an itch he couldn’t reach, and Jess bit back a smile. Velcroing was a bitch, especially the first time when you had no idea what was going on. Tradition meant no other pilots would say anything. After their first drift she and Snap they spent at least an hour pretending their skin didn’t feel like it was shrinking before Snap yanked her into a hug and kept her against his side the rest of the night.

Ben, Jess remembered, had made several snide comments about itchy wool sweaters, and then when Jess let herself be tucked under Snap’s arm, he would not stop singing “Snap and Jess sitting in a tree P-I-L-O-T-I-N-G,” and making terrible married jokes. Not that he had a leg to stand on, because he was a clingy son of a bitch, and the end of every drift found him draped over Poe’s shoulders and playing with his hair.

Ben was such an asshole, but she really missed him some days.

“Do they meet a lot?” Rey asked. “Poe and the Marshal?”

“Pretty regularly, yeah,” Jess answered, rolling her eyes when Snap tried to subtly steal a potato. “Technically, Poe was promoted to marshal when he took over instruction at the academy, but he never goes by it.”

“He’s second in command here,” Snap added. “Although overall Marshal Statura over in Hong Kong is Organa’s second in the PPDC.”

“Poe never said anything,” said Finn.

“Don’t know if you noticed,” Jess said, “but we’re not that big on the command chain. Not many of us left to order around.”

“Nice work,” Snap said quietly as both Rey and Finn leaned into one another, looking so damn young and scared.

When Snap kicked her ankle, Jess sighed and said, “It was even worse when Ben was around. He was such a little shit who ignored orders whenever he was in a snit.”

“What was he like?” Rey asked, and Finn looked up.

Jess didn’t know what he saw in the drift, but she could make a pretty good guess. Poe would carry Ben with him always, like they all kept those lost.

“He was terrible,” Jess said, and Snap just laughed at the look on Rey and Finn’s faces. “Look, I miss him too, but if he were around now he would deliberately mispronounce your names.”

“But they’re one syllable,” Finn pointed out.

“He would take it as a challenge,” Snap said. “He called Jess Gina for a solid three months.”

“You were Crackle,” Jess said, “or Rice Krispie.”

“Asshole,” Snap said fondly. “He loved Poe, though. There was nowhere Poe could go that Ben wouldn’t follow.”

“I know,” Finn said softly. “I saw it.”

Rey reached out and took his hand, and Jess nudged her foot against Finn’s under the table.

“He had a terrible voice,” Jess said. “But you got him drunk enough and he would sing Beyonce nonstop. We would buy him so many shots to keep it going.”

“Shit,” Snap said, “remember how he serenaded Ackbar with _Never Gonna Give You Up_?”

Jess laughed. “Ackbar’s _face._ He didn’t blink for a solid minute. And Ben did choreography. Boy could move his hips. We have to show them the video.”

There was a slow bloom of warmth along her spine, and Jess turned to see Rey staring at her, gaze gone soft. Jess raised her eyebrows, and Rey said, “I don’t know that song.”

“That’s tragic,” Snap said, stabbing his fork at her. “New plan, kiddos, we’re working on both of your pop culture knowledge.”

“Prepare for some shit music and movies,” said Jess. “It’s going to be amazing.”

“What’s going to be amazing?” Poe asked because he had perfect dramatic timing. He sat next to Finn, their shoulders pressed together, and both of them relaxed immediately, as if someone had loosened all their joints.

“These poor unfortunates,” Jess said, “have had no exposure to Rick Astley or Snap’s vast collection of terrible movies.”

She watched closely, but Poe just said, “You mean the video of Ben dancing and singing to Ackbar, right?”

“That was a great night,” Jess said. It had been Rebel’s eighth successful drop, and the party had lasted well into the morning. Even BB had a few glasses of champagne, which was a mistake as xe spent the entire next day holed up in Poe and Ben’s bunk moaning pitifully.

“Yeah, it was,” Poe agreed, smiling.

Something in Jess’ chest eased at the sight. For so long no one could mention Ben without Poe shutting down, withdrawing inward where no one could reach. Not that they had tried real hard in those first few months. It was easier to leave Poe to grieve alone, to pretend that they were still invincible. They were cowards.

“Oh,” Poe suddenly said, “why is Anderson glaring at you? Did you pick another fight?”

“I don’t pick fights,” Jess protested, leaving out how many times her mothers were called to her school for precisely that reason. She spent most of age fifteen with a perpetually bloody nose and scrapped knuckles, but everyone learned not to fuck with her people.

“You did sort of make the recruits cry,” Finn said, grinning when she glared at him.

“I did not.” She turned to Rey. “Tell them I didn’t.”

Rey glanced down, smiling. “You got very intense in your lectures. I liked it,” she added quickly, and Jess could feel the back of her neck flush, made worse by how Snap snickered next to her.

“Well, I am a good lecturer,” she said, trying to get the conversational upper hand back. “Shut up, Snap, yes I am. You know what, give me that potato back. I’m revoking your privileges.”

“Try it,” Snap said, handling his fork in a worrying way.

“And besides, at least _I_ never got propositioned by children between classes,” she said, smirking at Poe’s resigned sigh.

“Wait, what?” Finn said. “ _Really?”_

“She’s exaggerating,” Poe muttered, intently poking at his lump of meat.

“There was swooning,” Jess continued, “especially when he did the thing with his hair, you know.”

“Oh, yeah, that,” Finn agreed.

“I don’t do a hair thing!” Poe protested.

“No, of course not,” said Snap. “It’s just got that natural bed tousled look.”

At Poe’s outraged scowl, Rey actually giggled, and Jess could feel herself softening. She may not understand Rey or know how to make her happy for all that she felt the pull of Rey’s mind, but, god, she wanted to learn.

“I don’t suppose,” Rey said, “we should mention what you did to Brance when you smiled at him.”

“Oh no,” said Jess as Poe groaned very softly, “you should definitely mention that.”

“He was very sad when he learned about Finn drifting with you,” Rey continued. “He walked into a door.”

“You’re making that up,” Poe accused.

“She’s not,” Finn said, grinning now as Poe just dropped his head into his hands.

“Is that how he got the black eye?” Snap asked, taking advantage and stealing Poe’s potato. “I thought Jess fought him again.”

“Okay, one,” Jess said, “I never fought Brance. It was Goode. And it was only the once.”

Rey picked at her biscuits, giving a startled smile when Jess pushed the extra gravy she stole towards her.

“And Phasma and Fett that one time,” Poe added.

Jess kicked him under the table because suddenly she was the center of Rey’s attention, and she had no idea what to do with it.

“Why?” Rey asked.

Jess said, “It was years ago. We just don’t get a long.”

Snap raised his eyebrows, and Jess shook her head once, quickly. It was after Ben had died, when Poe had been hollowed out, dragging a terrible vast chasm around with him. Phasma and Fett were good pilots, some of the best, Jess could admit that, but whatever kindness they had in them had been beaten out by the kaiju, and for all the shit they gave each other Jess loved Poe. So when Phasma opened her mouth Jess punched her in the fucking throat.

One broken nose and several bruised ribs later, Lucky Blue and Chrome Brutus were no longer assigned drops together and Phasma and Fett were transferred back to the Vladivostok shatterdome.

“Word of advice,” Snap said mildly, “don’t piss off our girl.”

“I’m not your girl,” Jess retorted automatically.

“Was not planning on it,” Finn said. “You hit really hard for someone so small.”

“Oh, not smart,” Snap said, and even Poe winced.

“What?” Finn asked, looking around. “What’d I do?”

“You called her small,” Rey said, surprising even herself judging by the sharp flare Jess felt. “She’s hates it.”

In the silence that unspooled, Jess said, “And I’m not that small. It’s not my fault you’re all tall.”

“We’re really not that tall,” Poe said, and then, in Spanish, _“How are you two?”_

_“Fine. Worry about your own child-bride.”_

_“You know she’s younger than Finn.”_

“Fuck you, Dameron,” Jess said. And then, because Poe looked settled and content in a way she hadn’t seen in years, she added, “ _It’s good to see you like this.”_

Poe’s face did that thing she hated where it went all stupidly soft like he found Jess endearing. _“I always knew you cared.”_

“That is a lie,” she retorted, and Snap, who didn’t understand Spanish but had years of translating their bickering, just shook his head, patting Jess’ shoulder. “And fuck you, Wexley. Don’t think I don’t see you trying to steal my green beans.”

“You always take more than you should, and you don’t even like them.”

“The point is they’re mine,” Jess said, and fended off his fork with her knife.

“I have to go,” Rey said suddenly, and Jess felt the smile slip from her face, not even bothering to complain when Snap grabbed the last few green beans from her plate.

“You haven’t finished your dinner,” Finn said.

“Not hungry,” Rey said. “I want to go over the specs with BB again.”

“I’ll walk you out,” Finn said.

Rey’s mind was a burst of static that Jess couldn’t decode any more than she knew what it meant when Rey looked at her with those dark eyes.

“Shut up,” Jess said before Poe or Snap could say anything. “Goddamnit. _Goddamnit.”_

“Will you be able to drift tomorrow?” Poe asked.

Jess wanted to tell him to fuck off, but this wasn’t her friend, this was Marshal Dameron, her superior, and so Jess took a deep breath and fought for some professionalism. “It’s a compatibility test for a reason,” she answered evenly. “And to be frank, we can’t afford us not to try. Not now.”

“Keep me informed,” he said. “I don’t want this going bad.”

“Yes, sir,” Jess said, and when Snap shifted closer to her, Jess was too tired to pretend not to need the support. She leaned against him, and not for the first time wished that Snap was still well enough to pilot. It would be easy if it was him back in her head with his unshakeable, comforting presence. She missed him for all that he was right there.

“Everything okay?” Poe asked lightly when Finn sat back down.

“She’s fine,” he said. “She, uh, really wants to make sure Rebel and Falcon are up to par.”

It wasn’t a lie, but it wasn’t the whole truth, either. The kid had no poker face to speak of.

“Hey,” Snap said. “Think there’s any truth to the rumor the Icebox is next to be closed? I heard they’re moving us to Hong Kong.”

That set Poe and Finn off, and Jess murmured a quiet, “Thanks.”

“I got you, girl,” Snap said, and then stole the last of her biscuit. Jess graciously let him.

With Finn and Poe still velcroed, it was easy enough to keep the conversation going in safe areas, although Jess dropped some hints about the Sydney Incident just for the hell of it and to see Poe’s ears burn red.

The mess was half-empty when Snap said, “Before I forget, got a care package from home.”

“Tell me she sent more of those terrible gloves,” Jess said.

When Finn looked confused, Poe explained, “Snap’s wife is pretty bad at knitting, but the gloves are some of the warmest you’ll ever wear.”

“Good news, then,” said Snap. “She’s been trying her hand at socks.”

“Oh, lord,” Jess groaned. “I want ten pairs of those monstrosities. Put that down, Snap. Ten.”

“Already told her, but that’s not the best part. Here.”

Glancing around, Snap laid four chocolate bars on the table.

“Holy shit, who did Izzie murder for these?” Jess breathed.

“The love of my life has her ways,” he said, and then pushed one to her. “For your girl.”

“She’s not—” Jess let the protest die under Snap’s indulgent look. “Thanks.”

When Poe reached out for a bar, Snap slapped his hand. “Did I say that was for you?”

“Jess gets one and I don’t?” Poe said.

“Obviously I like her more.”

“I don’t know why,” Poe said. “She’s loud and terrible.”

“I think you mean loud and awesome,” said Jess, and Poe shrugged and said, “That, too.”

Jess kicked him again because she hated when he got all sincere and nice, which Poe knew, the fucker.

Finn said quietly, “I can’t remember the last time I had chocolate.”

“ _Buddy,_ ” Poe said, sounding pained.

Suddenly aware of being the center of their attention, Finn hunched his shoulders. “We never could afford it at any of the foster homes I was at. And it’s not like it’s part of the standard ration packet when you’re on the Wall.”

Jess wasn’t anywhere near reaching Poe levels of being smitten, but even she wanted to wrap the kid in a blanket and feed him sweets.

“Please stop making that face,” Snap said, handing over a chocolate bar.

“But these are from your wife,” Finn said. “It’s fine.”

“I got two more. Go on.”

“Finn, buddy,” Poe cajoled, “take the chocolate. You’re going to love it.”

Seeing where that was going, Jess grabbed her own chocolate and stood. “I’m going to find Rey,” she told Snap softly.

“Tell her I said to stick around next time.”

“Sure thing.” Feeling generous because Snap had no idea what was about to happen, she pressed a quick kiss to his head. “I want a reenactment later.”

“Reenactment?” Snap said, and then as Finn unwrapped the chocolate, “Pava, you traitor, get back here! I have one leg! I’m not that fast!”

She was already to the door by then, pausing just long enough to give a cheery wave back as Snap looked on with despair at the Poe-and-Finn show. She was happy for Poe, but that didn’t mean she wanted a front row seat for the hot mess that was Poe dealing with feelings.

It was quiet in the honeycomb of the shatterdome corridors. They were down to a skeleton crew now. The only reason the Icebox hadn’t been closed was the restoration of both Black Rebel and Millennium Falcon and Marshal Organa using what political capital she had left. It was only a matter of time, Jess knew, before they went the way of L.A. and Auckland.

She tried to picture what it was like in the heyday of the Jaeger Program when the Mark IIs were being built, when they were winning and death was unthinkable, before Han Solo was killed and the Falcon dredged from the ocean. Before they learned nowhere was safe, not even the drift.

Even ignoring the tug on her mind, Jess knew there was only one place Rey would be, and there she was, sitting on the catwalk across from Falcon where repairs continued around the clock.

“She’s beautiful,” Jess said quietly, noting how Rey startled before deliberately relaxing.

“She is,” Rey agreed. “I thought you were still at dinner.”

“I wanted to find you.” Jess eased herself down next to Rey, who glanced over, surprised, but maybe pleased, if the sudden suffuse of warmth meant anything. “Oh, here.” She pulled out the chocolate bar, passing it over. “Snap’s wife sent this along. Thought maybe you’d want it.”

“Oh,” Rey said quietly. “I haven’t had one in awhile.”

Jess tried not to stare as Rey carefully unwrapped the bar, breaking off a small square. “Good?” she asked, a little desperately as Rey bit in, suddenly smiling brightly.

“Here.” Rey held out the bar, and Jess broke off a piece.

“Finn hasn’t had chocolate in years,” Jess said. “You should have seen Poe’s face. Bet you anything that chocolate cake suddenly shows up on base in the next few days.”

Rey looked down, fiddling with the wrapper. “Does it bother you?”

“What, Poe? Don’t you ever tell him I said this, but I’m happy for him. He’s been alone too long.”

Rey shook her head. “I meant him and Finn drifting.”

“You think I want to be Poe’s co-pilot?”

“You tried once,” said Rey. “You said it went bad. I thought, I don’t know, this would bother you.”

“Jesus,” Jess said, “you are so fucking sweet.”

Rey scowled. “Don’t make fun of me.”

“I know I'm an asshole ninety percent of the time, but I swear I'm not making fun of you.” Hesitating, Jess bumped her shoulder into Rey’s. “You really are sweet, worrying about me.”

“Oh.” Rey turned pink, and Jess felt like she was dying. “Thanks.” She chewed her lower lip before saying, “What happened with Poe?”

Jess took a deep breath, glancing briefly upwards. Her mothers always said she would get her comeuppance one day, and this seemed to be it.”

“Poe and I did have a compatibility test,” she said. “It went badly.”

Rey gently touched her hand, and Jess carefully held still. Rey didn’t do casually touching, Finn the one exception, and so Jess waited patiently as Rey let the touch linger before pulling back. “I just thought—you two seem comfortable together.”

“I’ve known him awhile now,” Jess said. “Snap and I did quite a few drops with Rebel. When Snap,” she paused, exhaled slow and controlled. “When Snap lost his leg, everyone thought Poe and I would be a good fit.”

Rey studied her, mind silent for a moment, and Jess desperately wished she knew what Rey saw in her, if she saw anything at all.

“What happened?” Rey asked.

Jess could shrug, tell Rey some people just couldn’t drift together, although most pilots could, to a certain extent, and she knew Rey would accept it. It would be safe and easy, but it would also be a lie.

Organa was right: the drift was about honesty and trust. In the end, that’s what it always came down to, to trust your co-pilot or keep yourself alone.

“I grew up with Snap,” Jess said, forcing herself to face Rey. “We’ve known each other since we were kids. We were recruited together, and although our handshake wasn’t the strongest, it was the most stable in our class. Even in simulations, nothing could shake it.”

“That’s good, right?” Rey asked.

“The last thing you want is to be knocked out in the middle of a drop. Never a problem with us. You never got to see her, but our girl, Lucky Blue, she was beautiful, you know. Fastest there was, outside of Falcon.”

“What happened?” Rey asked, and this time she leaned her shoulder briefly into Jess’.

“Category three,” Jess said. “Codename Scylla. Scarlet Rapier was on the way, but was a couple hours out. We didn’t have enough manpower for two Jaeger drops anymore, but the marshal didn’t want us facing a category III on our own, not with Rebel gone. We held it within the Miracle Mile, but it went bad.”

Scylla was fast in the water, going deep where Blue’s lights didn’t reach, and then coming up and trying to force them under. It had four arms, each with an extra joint, and it had clawed Blue open as they were dragged down, water filling the conn-pod.

“We got it in a headlock,” Jess continued, because she wasn’t going to force Rey to go in unprepared tomorrow. “We had a hull breach and were venting so much coolant hypothermia probably would have got us before the kaiju. And then we got a second breach. Snap took a bracing rod to the leg. That damn coolant in the water is the only reason he didn’t bleed to death.”

“It knocked you out of the handshake,” Rey said, and Jess nodded, a sharp jerk of her head, and Rey reached out and took her hand. “It’s fine. You don’t have to.”

Jess had nightmares of that moment, of being strapped in, Blue shrieking around them, suddenly alone in her head as Snap shouted in pain next to her.

“Rapier made it in time,” said Jess. “They managed to pull Scylla away, pumped about three clips into the thing before it died. We were lucky. Snap just lost his leg.”

“You didn’t fail,” Rey said suddenly, fierce. “Any handshake would have gone from that.”

“Maybe, maybe not. It’s hard to tell.” She dredged up a smile. “Snap still managed to walk down the aisle at his wedding. I was his best man. Remind me to show you pictures sometime.”

“Jess,” Rey said, tightening her grip.

“When it was clear Snap wouldn’t be able to pilot again, that’s when me and Poe tried to drift. He was already co-piloting with Ben when I met him. Them.” She breathed out again, slow and even. “I always knew him as Poe-and-Ben, and then Ben died, and he was just,” she broke off, shaking her head.

“We were friends and we matched well in the Kwoon room. We all thought it was good, so we decided to give it a shot.”

“You said it went bad,” Rey said.

She laughed, tired. “Yeah, it was bad, in his head and in mine. Losing Ben, it was just—god, Rey, it was like a fucking pit in there, and all I could think was that was almost me, that was almost Snap, and I kept trying to shove him away and he kept trying to hold on. They had to manually yank us out. We ended up in medical. I had a migraine for a solid week. Poe was unconscious for about two days.”

Jess had to look away from Rey then, feeling the familiar shame burn in her belly. “The worst part was that I ran away. I avoided Poe for months. Losing a co-pilot like he did, it’s our worst fear. Poe was so alone, and we left him that way because we were terrified it would happen to us.”

“But you came back. You didn’t leave him.”

“Only because Snap showed up and kicked my ass for it, just in time for his wedding. I would have hated missing Poe give his drunken toast.”

For a minute the silence lapped against them, and they both looked back at Falcon, welding sparks casting her in a halo.

“You haven’t piloted since then,” Rey said.

“No, never found anyone I wanted to drift with.” Be brave, Jess told herself. “Just to be clear, I meant I hadn’t found anyone until now.”

Rey flushed, eyes wide, and Jess forced herself not to grab Rey, not to trap her.

“I should have told you this before,” Jess continued. “You’re going to see it in my head. You’ll have to be prepared if I chase the rabbit. Just in case,” she added, because Rey’s expression took on a distinctly panicked slant.

“But you want to,” Rey said. “After all that, after seeing what it did to Poe, you still want to with me.” There was a thread of wonder spinning between them, and it took everything Jess had not to touch Rey’s hair, her face, breathe her in. “Why?”

She could give a lot of answers to that, toss out a glib one about how it was miraculous and beautiful, maybe try for more sincerity to explain what it was like to know someone better than yourself, or even talk about the grim satisfaction of putting down the monsters that had killed so many.

But in the end all Jess has was the truth.

“Because we’re all that’s left, and I want to see how good we can be.”

For a moment she was sure Rey was going to run, could feel it pouring from her before Rey suddenly shoved the chocolate at her.

“Sorry,” she said. “It’s sort of melted.”

“It’s still good,” Jess said. “You know, we don’t have to tomorrow.”

“I know.” Rey turned back to Falcon, her whole face softening. “I kind of want to see how it goes.”

“Sure,” Jess agreed, leaning in until their shoulders were pressed together. “I want to see it, too.”

 

 

 

Jess had barely pulled the shirt over her head before there was a perfunctory knock on the door and Snap bustled in, ignoring her glare to settle on her bunk, cane propped up within easy reach.

“Come on in,” she said dryly. “What if I had been naked?”

“Like I haven’t seen that before.”

She grimaced. There was that entirely regrettable incident when they were seven. Her moms still had pictures and Snap’s dad brought it up every holiday.

Snap tossed a fruit cup at her head. “Eat,” he said. “Don’t make that face. You get mean when you’re hungry. Well, more mean.” Jess gave him the finger. “Just proving my point, Pava.”

“Fine,” she sighed, throwing her hair brush on the bed. “But you’re braiding my hair.”

“I’m thinking fishtail,” Snap agreed as she sat in front of him.

They did this a lot over the years, from when they were kids and Jess hated how her moms kept it styled, to when they were velcroed, Snap combing out the tangles and carefully braiding it before they slept, bodies curving towards one another, hands clasped between them. And then those months after Blue went down, Snap laid up in medical, bored out of his mind, hands shaking as he plaited her hair over and over while being weaned off the really good drugs.

“You’re in LOCCENT?” Jess asked.

“I fought BB for it. You’re welcome, by the way.”

“Thanks for fighting the twelve year old,” she replied, picking through the fruit. They got crap this far north, but it was better than any of that frozen shit. And Snap was right; she had trouble focusing during a handshake on an empty stomach.

“Xe’s not twelve.” Snap tugged her hair. “Stop saying that. Poe keeps giving me the sad eyes when you do. And xe’s scrappy.”

“Did the ninety pound kid hurt you, Wexley? You can tell me. This is a safe space.”

Snap pulled her hair, and Jess reached back to hit him hard in the leg, fist rapping ineffectively against his prosthetic limb. “Always knew this would come in handy,” he said.

She roughly swallowed the apple that stuck in her throat. There was no forgetting that shock of pain, the worst she had ever felt, her mind recoiling so hard she lost Snap all together.

“Stop it,” Snap said mildly. “Do you even condition? This is just a mess.”

“I’m not doing anything,” Jess snapped. “And of course I condition. Don’t be an asshole.”

“I don’t have to be in your head to know you’re wallowing in guilt again. It wasn’t your fault. I was there, too. I was knocked out of the drift just like you.”

“I should have held on,” Jess said. “You almost died because I couldn’t handle—”

“I took a metal rod through the leg. I couldn’t hold on either. You blame me?” When she didn’t answer, he said, “It’s not your fault, Jessika. I remember what you did. You got me in that escape pod. You got us out. We’re both here now because of you.”

“I’m not the one who lost a leg,” she said.

“No,” he agreed, “but you’re the only one ripping yourself apart. I’m alive. You’re alive. Hand me that hair tie.”

She passed it over, and then because she could only do this without seeing him, said, “If this drift—”

“If,” Snap scoffed.

“ _If,_ ” she continued, “this drift with Rey takes that doesn’t change anything between us. You know that, right? You’re my partner.”

“Damn right I am,” he said. Before she could react, he hooked an arm around her, tugging until she leaned back against him as he propped his pointy chin on her shoulder. His mind was a warm press against hers, like being wrapped in a soft blanket. “I love you, Pava, you and your guilt and your crazy organizational system of technical manuals that makes no sense.”

“It makes sense,” she protested. “Just because you can’t be bothered to learn that first it’s arranged by relevancy, and then indexed by—”

“Do you even hear yourself? Crazy. Also, I do not care at all.” His chin dug further into her shoulder. “You’re going to go drift with Rey and it’s going to be good. I’ll be right there monitoring you. I got you.”

“If it’s like Poe,” she said quietly, “you yank me out before I drag Rey with me. Promise me, Snap.”

“I promise. But it’s not going to be like that. Poe was fucked in the head. You were too, a little bit. We should never have let you two go in.”

“We had to try.”

“No, we didn’t.” He pressed a kiss to her temple. “That won’t happen this time.”

“You don’t know that.”

“Look, if I can feel the pull between you two then you cannot tell me you think you’re going to be incompatible.”

“Maybe,” she said. “You never know until you’re in the drift.” She wrapped her hand around his wrist. “I love you, too. Even if you have the worst goddamn chin in the world.”

“Hey, my chin is adorable.”

“It makes no sense. Everything about you is round and soft—”

“Rude.”

“—but your chin is like an ice pick. Your body is weird.”

“And happy bonding time is over.” He shoved her forward, and she turned and punched him in the arm, smirking when he winced. “Let’s not keep your girl waiting.”

Across the base, Jess could feel the relentless push of Rey’s mind, the nerves and the excitement and the quiet wave of fear.

“No,” Jess agreed, “she’s waited long enough.”

It was surreal being suited up again. It had been over three years since Jess had any reason to pull on the drivesuit and battle armor, and that was only for the clusterfuck of a compatibility test with Poe. But here she was in the newest gen suit, desperately missing Lucky Blue’s armor. She wore it for every drop, even the last one, and while it would never be comfortable, it was hers just as much as Lucky Blue and Snap were.

Now she did her best not to squirm while she waited for Rey at the hatch of Millennium Falcon’s conn-pod. She restlessly tapped out an uneven rhythm on her helmet, and, without looking, Snap slapped her fingers.

“I will kick your prosthetic out from under you,” she said.

“Izzie will kick your ass,” Snap answered.

“She will not. She likes me more than you.”

He sighed. “She really does. The saddest part is that she knows how terrible you are.”

“I think you mean awesome,” Jess said.

“I’ve been in your head. That is the last word I would use to describe you.”

“It’s a two way street, you know. You owe me forever for not telling Izzie what thoughts you have about her.”

“My thoughts are pure like my love.”

Jess snorted, but she couldn’t argue with that. Snap was so in love with Izzie that Jess had perfected the art of projecting gagging noises into the drift to cover her own happiness. Snap retaliated by aggressively pushing all his wedding plans at her until Jess seriously considered murdering him and saving Izzie the trouble.

“At the risk of you trying to punch me again,” said Snap, amused, “please keep your face from doing that terrible thing.”

“What thing?” Jess asked, but Snap just nodded as the service elevator opened and, oh shit, there was Rey, all suited up, hair carefully braided in a way that looked reminiscent of how Jess usually did hers.

When she saw Jess, Rey lit up, like a goddamn solar flare, and it was all Jess could do not to bask in it. There was still fear there, winding throughout Rey, but mostly there was excitement and something soft and sweet that made Jess want to grab on and never let go.

“That’s the face I was talking about,” Snap said, shoving an elbow into Jess’ side. “I almost wish I was going to be in your head for this. I owe you for all this shit you pulled about Izzie. I honestly cannot wait to tell her about this. She owes me twenty bucks.”

“I will pay you actual cash money to stop talking,” Jess hissed, palms starting to sweat.

“Ranger,” Snap said, ignoring her in favor of dipping his head in a brief nod to Rey. “I see you have an escort.”

“They insisted,” Rey said as Finn and Poe followed her as if she was going to prom and they wanted to make sure Jess didn’t try anything.

It felt like the old days, Lucky Blue and Black Rebel about to be sent out on a drop. Any minute now Snap and Poe would do their goddamn ridiculous handshake, and Jess would exchange an exasperated look with Ben that was all for show. She half-expected to see Ben at his customary spot at Poe’s shoulder. Poe must have felt the same because his expression went a little sad and a little wistful before he shook himself free.

“You look good,” Jess said, and Rey smiled, pleased.

“You too.”

“Okay,” Finn said loudly, and Jess finally looked away from Rey as Snap chuckled very quietly next to her. “We’ll be in LOCCENT.”

He hugged Rey, whispering something that made her nod solemnly.

“Snap will go over the last minute details,” Poe said. “I’ll be observing with Marshal Organa. Any questions?”

“No, sir,” said Jess.

“See you on the other side,” Poe said, adding in Spanish, _“You have officially lost the high ground with me and Finn. I will treasure the look on your face for years to come.”_

“With all due respect, sir,” said Jess, “you should go before I punch you in the throat.”

Poe grinned before he drew Finn away from where he and Rey stood with heads bent together.

“I’ll be inside,” Snap said, and then it was just her and Rey.

“You ready?” Jess asked, which was a stupid question as Rey was already halfway to the hatch, pausing when she realized Jess wasn’t following.

“What’s wrong?”

“It’s been awhile since I was in a Jaeger for a handshake,” Jess said. “Last time was—”

“With Poe,” Rey said, and her eyes went dark and fierce. “That won’t happen with us. I won’t let it.”

The words held the weight of a vow, solid and unbreakable, and Jess, who was pretty sure her face was doing the thing again, was helpless to do anything but follow Rey into the conn-pod.

It was bigger than Lucky Blue’s had been, and there were visible seams from her reconstruction. Falcon was unique among Jaegers now, a Mark I retrofitted with Mark IV hardware. Her software was patchwork and jury-rigged as the new software was integrated with the older AI, pushing the Pons system to practically breaking to make her operational. Jess still had stress migraines from installing the double nuclear core, the only thing powerful enough to bring Falcon back when the overload from the first core left her a burned husk.

But here she stood, one of the first Jaegers put into service, who had served three pilots, rebuilt twice now, and was the icon for the entire PPDC. And Jess was going to be one of her pilots.

“Ladies,” Snap said from the center console, cane hooked over the left harness as he plugged the tablet into Falcon’s systems. “One last check before we get this show on the road.”

Jess nudged Rey forward, smiling as Snap, still a pilot to his core, didn’t raise an eyebrow as Rey practically snatched the tablet from him. Rangers were notoriously possessive of their Jaegers.

“You took out the compressor?” Rey asked.

“After that lecture you gave it was the first thing we did,” Snap said mildly, and Rey flushed a bit at the gentle rebuke.

“It looks good,” said Rey, holding the tablet out. “Jess?”

“I'm good,” Jess said. She trusted Snap and Rey to take care of any potential problem spots.

“In that case,” Snap said, “I’ll see you ladies on the other side. Rey, good luck in that head of hers.”

“Oh, fuck you, Temmin,” Jess said, but when Snap held out an arm, Jess let herself be tucked into his side. “You got us?”

“I always got you, girl,” he said. “We’ll begin as soon as you’re buckled in.”

He took his cane and his tablet, and then she and Rey were alone.

“Which side do you want?” Jess asked.

Rey looked surprised, like she expected Jess to give out orders. That wasn’t how the handshake worked. Co-pilots could disagree and argue, but every action and decision was made together.

“Right,” Rey said slowly.

“I’ll take left then,” Jess said.

With Snap, Jess was always on the right, but this was Rey, and their drift would be something new.

“I can feel Snap’s impatience,” Jess said, settling her helmet into place. “Time to get going.”

There was nothing left but to strap themselves into the harnesses, and Rey’s nervousness took on the sharp angles of fear.

“It’s going to be confusing,” she said. “There’s going to be a lot of memories coming through. Don’t try to hang on to any of them. You have to let them go.”

“Initializing neural handshake,” Snap announced.

“What if I can’t?” Rey asked. “What if I chase the rabbit?”

“That’s easy,” Jess said, and grinned as Millennium Falcon hummed around them. “I’ll find you.”

“Here we go, Rangers,” said Snap.

Jess snatched one last look of Rey’s face and then—

She was six years old, covered in mud, palms and knees scratched and bleeding. The two kids who had been grinding Snap’s face into the ground lay at her feet. Snap looked at her as if she were magic, and she never wanted him to look away.

In the depths of winter, the slums shone like a star. At the first sign of frost, the giant bonfires were lit. Her favorite memory of Kenai, the only good one she had, was watching the fires lit, surrounded on all sides by people who were just as lost as her. And for that one moment she forgot how truly alone she was.

Leatherback went down, Lucky Blue’s fist around its throat. Their drift was a quiet relief she let herself sink into, Snap’s mind as steady and sturdy as Blue herself. “Not bad, nuggets,” Ben Organa said, and she retorted, “Piss off, mama’s boy, we’re fucking amazing.” In the handshake Snap’s laughter was refracted light that left her breathless.

Even through the suit, she could smell it, rot and decay, and for a moment she could swear it was still breathing. She stumbled, sinking up to her knees in the rapidly putrefying tissue. This will be funny later, she thought grimly. When they come back, this will be a story I tell, and we’ll laugh. Please come back for me, don’t leave me here alone, please—

The world tilted. Snap was gone, ripped right out of her head. Poe latched on. She screamed, clawing at her throat. Poe was a sinkhole, and she fell. There was nothing and no one, oh god, please, don’t let me die like Ben, please come get me, please find me—

_You’re here with me. I have you._

She stretched a hand out— _found you, found you—_ and was pulled upwards.

“I have her! Cut it now!”

“Left hemisphere out of alignment. Disengaging handshake. Pava, can you hear me? Goddamnit, Jess, answer me!”

Jess sucked in a lungful of air and said, “ _Motherfucker.”_

She felt more than heard Snap breathe out, relieved.

“ _Jess.”_

She winced, trying to breathe through the panic, hers and Rey’s.

“I'm fine,” she said, sounding like she was fifteen again, voice gone nasal from her broken nose. “I'm fine,” she repeated, clearing her throat. “What happened?”

“You were out of alignment,” Organa said, calm and steady. “Rey made the call to disengage the neural handshake.”

“Did I pull you in?” she asked Rey.

“No,” Rey answered, cutting audio with LOCCENT. “You were screaming.”

She choked out a rough laugh. “Yeah, that happened last time.”

“Rangers,” said Poe, “we are discontinuing the test for today. Report to medical.”

She raised her eyebrows, and Rey nodded.

Jess hit the audio. “With all due respect, sir, Rey and I will continue.”

There was a pause and then Organa said, “Pava, as you are the more experienced pilot, I trust your assessment of the situation is accurate and not impaired by an over inflated sense of both you and Rey’s abilities.”

“No, ma’am,” said Jess. “We are compatible. You saw it before I chased the rabbit.”

“Then we try again,” said Organa. “Initialize the handshake, Mr. Wexley.”

“Ma’am,” Snap said, although Jess could feel his unhappiness.

Before she could reassure him, the handshake grabbed them, and she and Rey were gone.

_I'm here,_ Jess said firmly. _We’re here._

_We’re here,_ Rey repeated, and reached out.

Snap was solid, immovable, and Jess never had to worry about him slipping away. But Rey, oh, she was so different, bright and electric, her mind wrapping tight and warm around Jess until it felt like the two of them had the tensile strength of Millennium Falcon herself.

_Oh,_ said Rey, quiet awe slipping through them both.

“Left hemisphere aligned,” Snap reported. “Right hemisphere—”

_I got you,_ Jess said. _I'm not going anywhere._

And Rey’s mind snapped closed, folding inward so fast that Jess was caught in the riptide of it, dragged along into the streets of Kenai, into what would become the bone slums.

“Oh, sweetheart,” Jess whispered, staring down at Rey, who couldn’t have been more than nine or ten. Her hair was pulled back into the three buns, and she was crouched behind a car, hand clapped over her mouth as in the distance Reckoner pulled itself forward, pausing to thoroughly drag its talons through buildings, scraping people from hiding, much like a housewife sweeping out vermin.

This was the end of its massacre. In the distance she could see Gold Leader drop. Millennium Falcon would not be far behind. Jess knew how it ended: Reckoner caught between the two Jaegers, missiles and cannon finally felling it.

But that was later. Now Rey turned and bolted. Jess followed as Rey ran, tripping on the clawed up streets, climbing over chunks of buildings, until finally she collapsed against a twisted, shattered storefront.

“Come back,” she sobbed, over and over. “Please come back.”

“I'm here,” Jess said, kneeling before her. It was useless—Rey was too deep in the memory to hear her. “Sh, I'm not leaving.”

“Hey, you okay?” a man asked, and both Jess and Rey looked up to see Luke Amidala in his Red Squadron flight suit.

And Jess knew this too: before he was co-pilot to his sister Lei Organa, Luke Amidala flew Jaeger escort. After Reckoner, he was one of three surviving members of Red Squadron. He and Leia found each other in the aftermath, and they sat together, her in the battle armor, him in this flight suit, his head bowed, her hand between the wings of his shoulder blades as Han Solo stood silent watch over them both.

Within the year he would be in the conn-pod with his sister, but for now they grieved together.

“It’s okay,” Luke said. “Are you lost? We’ll find your family.”

And Rey _screamed._

Jess was shoved back into her own head, gagging at the sheer despair that flooded the drift before it was violently shut down.

Through the dull roar in her ears, Jess made out Poe’s sharp “—get Dr. Kalonia down here. I want them out.”

Rey unbuckled from the harness, scrambling across the conn-pod, as far from Jess as she could get.

“Belay that,” Jess snapped, freeing herself.

“Pava, what’s happening in there?” Organa demanded.

“Baby’s first steps,” said Jess, taking off her helmet and setting in on the floor. “We need a moment, Marshal.”

“No,” said Poe. “You keep slipping out of alignment.”

“That’s not unusual,” she said, slowly and carefully taking three steps closer to Rey. “If I remember correctly, Marshal, it took you and Han Solo at least three attempts before forming a stable handshake.”

“That’s because he was an arrogant bastard,” Organa answered. “You get one more chance, and then I will end this.”

“Yes, ma’am. We’ll resume in five minutes.” She closed the connection to LOCCENT. “Want to try for lucky number three?”

“Go away,” Rey said.

“No.” Jess took another step, then another when Rey didn’t flinch away. “That was a really shitty draw to end up in Kenai at the same time as Reckoner.”

“What?”

“I mean, what are the odds?” Jess continued, still moving in close. “Kenai is in the middle of fuck nowhere Alaska and you run not only into a kaiju but goddamn Luke Amidala. That’s some luck you got there.”

“That was Luke?” Rey asked.

“Marshal Organa’s brother, yeah.”

“Oh.” She still looked ready to bolt, but her tension unwound a few notches. “He took me to the emergency camp. He gave me chocolate. I forgot about that.”

“He was kind, from what I heard.” She was close enough to touch. “Want to tell me what keeps pulling us in?”

Rey’s head snapped up, her eyes wild and terrified. “It’s nothing.”

“I’ve been in your head. You can’t lie to me.” Slowly, giving Rey every chance to pull away, Jess slid her hand to the back of Rey’s neck. “If this is going to work, you have to trust me.”

The muscles in Rey’s neck were so taunt Jess was worried they would snap.

“I promised,” Rey said quietly. “I promised I wouldn’t let what happened with Poe happen with us.”

God, Jess fucking loved her.

“You pulled me out, Rey. You came and got me. Whatever it is you’re running from, let me help. Please, let me help you.”

Rey stared, silent, and whatever decision she made, Jess knew it was final. Trust or not, that was the choice.

And then all at once, as if she was slipping free of a great weight, Rey relaxed and touched their foreheads together. “All right,” she said, exhausted. “Lucky number three.”

Silently, they strapped themselves back into the harnesses. At Jess’ nod, Rey flicked the connection to LOCCENT back on.

“We’re ready,” Rey said. “Initiate handshake.”

“Copy that,” said Snap.

“We’re pulling you out at the first sign of trouble,” said Poe.

“Understood,” Rey said.

The drift was bright and strong, and this time Jess let the memories flow through her and away, until finally it was just her and Rey, together.

“Right and left hemisphere aligned,” Snap reported. “You’re lighting up pretty, Falcon.”

“There you are,” Rey said as they lifted Falcon’s fists and rocked up on her toes, slow and sweet.

“And there you are,” Jess answered. Through the handshake, Rey’s pain was old and deep. _Show me._

Rey met her gaze, and the drift sighed around them.

They were four years old, and the sun never set in summer. That morning, their mother had brushed their hair before pulling it back into those three buns. They could not remember their mother’s hair color or her face, only the feel of her hands and how quickly she moved.

They drove for hours, their father humming tunelessly to the radio. They stopped only once, at a refueling station, where they heard their parents arguing in the bathroom before they moved on. Their father no longer hummed and their mother would not look at him.

Kenai was different before the kaiju, although that was true of most places. Now they looked with interest as they drove through the main center, their father grumbling as their mother read the directions out in a tired voice.

They stopped in front of a long, low building. A large man with strong, sharp hands spoke quietly to their parents as they waited in the truck. And then their father opened the door and helped them down.

They didn’t remember the tone of their father’s voice, if he was sad or angry or even somehow bored, only the words he said, which were, “She’ll work hard.”

And then their mother reached out and tucked a strand of hair behind their ear before going with their father back to the truck. They went to follow, but the man, Plutt they would learn, grabbed their arm and held them fast. They shouted for their mother and father, but their parents were already inside with the doors closed.

When the engine rumbled to life, they screamed and kicked, wrenching themselves free, sobbing and begging their parents to come back, come back, please don’t leave us here.

But their parents drove away, and they were left behind, unwanted and unloved.

“You know the truth,” Maz told them on the ferry, firm but not unkind. “Whoever you’re waiting for, they’re not coming back. The belonging you seek is before you, not behind.”

_Why did they leave me?_ Rey asked, a frightened child’s cry.

“I don’t know,” Jess answered. “Oh, sweetheart, I don’t know.”

_What’s wrong with me?_

“Nothing. God, nothing is wrong with you. You’re amazing.”

_Then why didn’t they want me?_

“I'm sorry,” Jess said. “I'm so sorry.”

And Jess grabbed Rey as tight as she could, holding on as Rey screamed and screamed as the pain ripped through the drift and drowned them both.

 

 

 

There was a bright light shining in her face and shaking hands cupping her jaw.

“Goddamnit, Jessika, _open your fucking eyes!”_

She jerked back, surprised to find herself collapsed on the ground. Snap held her steady, his grip tightening. “Oh, thank Christ,” he said.

“What happened?” she croaked.

“You merged,” Poe said, and although he kept his voice low and even Jess could hear the barely contained fury underneath. “Both your neural systems were crashing. You were going into shock. We couldn’t separate you. Even the failsafe wasn’t working.”

“You went manual,” she said.

“We had to,” said Snap. “You weren’t responding.”

Jess became aware of a blank space at the back of her head, a silent patch where before there had been—

“Rey,” she gasped, pulling away from Snap. “Is Rey okay?”

The right harness stood empty. Rey was gone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Come say hi on [Tumblr](http://dharmaavocado.tumblr.com/)


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So it's been almost exactly six months since the last update (yikes). Thank you, everyone, for being patient and sending me nice encouraging messages. I love you all.

It was cold out on the pier, and Rey hunched deeper into the stolen coat that was barely large enough to fit over the battle armor. The fierce ache in her head centered itself at the base of her skull, the place she now knew was meant for Jess.

It had hurt ripping herself free, curling up tight when Jess tried to follow before the handshake shook apart and Jess dropped from the harness as if Rey took a knife to her ligaments. God, the look on Snap’s face when he saw Jess collapsed on the floor, her eyes rolled back, head lolling weakly on her neck.

She had done that. She dragged Jess down with her, so hungry from the loneliness that she forgot the promise she had made. She left Jess to Snap, unable to bear the careful way he cradled Jess’ jaw in his shaking hands.

When her parents left her behind, before Rey realized this was her life now, she spent every night crying, fingers shoved into her mouth to muffle the sobs, an unending ache lodged under her breastbone.

And then one night Plutt dragged her from the bed and placed a screwdriver in her hand. “If you won’t sleep,” he said, “then you will be useful.”

He kept her awake well past dawn, showing her how to disassemble damaged Jaeger tech and turn it into something useful. Perhaps he was trying to teach her a lesson: take what was broken and make it valuable. Or perhaps he was just an asshole that wanted to work her until she was too exhausted to cry.

Either way, Rey learned the lesson well. She stopped crying herself to sleep and instead remade herself into something that could survive the vast, empty spaces.

The sharp ache in her head softened, the pain settling into the edges of her awareness, and Rey clenched her jaw against it. Jess was awake, and all she wanted was Rey beside her.

The waves were cresting high, and the first true winter storm was brewing. If she wanted to avoid being snowed in she would need to leave before the week was out.

“You know,” said Finn, “there’s a heated hangar like thirty feet behind you.”

“It’s not heated,” she answered, resigned. “It’s been shut down.”

“Did you pick the lock? Because that is so cool.”

He circled around to her front, each movement carefully telegraphed as if not to startle her, the same way Jess had acted in the Falcon’s conn-pod. The first swell of anger rose up and washed over her, deep and strong like a riptide, and Rey fought to keep from baring her teeth at Finn, who was looking at her with too much kindness.

She had survived for years on her own, better than Poe or Jess or even Finn with their families ever could. She’d like to see them live on quarter rations for months, combing beaches for Jaeger wreckage and kaiju parts until their legs shook from exhaustion and they were forced to sleep on the sand. Did they know how to cut the smell of death from their bodies?

“Hey,” Finn said, gentle and sweet, and Rey curled her hands into fists.

“I'm _fine,_ ” she said.

“No, you’re not,” he said, “but you will be.”

And then as swiftly as it rose up, the anger ebbed, and Rey opened her hands and let it go.

“Want to tell me what happened?”

“No,” she said, the word small and painful in her mouth.

“Okay.” He opened his arms, and she folded desperately into him, face pressed to his shoulder. “I got you,” he said, cupping the back of her neck and blocking the bite of wind. “We made a deal, remember? You go, I go. You backing out on me?”

She shook her head. Finn’s jacket—Poe’s jacket—was soft from years of use, and Rey pressed in closer where she cried quick and hot. Finn held her though it, running one hand up and down her spine in smooth, even strokes.

“Okay?” he asked as she hiccupped, pulling back to rub at the tear marks she left behind. She was lucky it wasn’t cold enough to freeze her eyelashes together.

“No,” she answered, “but I will be.”

Finn pulled her back in, lips pressed to her temple, and Rey loved him.

When she shifted, Finn let her ease back. She scrubbed at her eyes with the sleeve of the stolen jacket and said, “Is Jess okay?”

“She’s fine. She came to about a minute after you left. Snap practically carried her to medical. You would not believe the mouth on her. I mean, I worked with some filthy guys, but they have nothing on her.”

Unbidden, she felt herself smile. “She’s really proud that. She spent years building up her vocabulary. Snap was her test subject.”

“That would explain how unimpressed he was.”

“How is she really?”

“You don’t know?” Finn said, surprised.

Rey shook her head, shame thick and bitter in her throat. Shaak Ti had drilled into them, over and over, that the drift was trust and silence, and Rey had forgotten all of that, twining so close to Jess that they were in danger of losing themselves altogether. How could she face Jess, who had trusted her mind to Rey?

“She’s pissed,” Finn said, “but I'm pretty sure that’s her normal baseline. She wants to see you.”

“I can’t.”

Frustration flickered over Finn’s face, but he just sighed. “You need to get checked out by Kalonia.” When Rey took a step back, he added, “You know how many scans I had to sit through after my handshake? So many. You’re going to suffer with me.”

“Will Poe be there? Snap?”

“Not if you don’t want them to. Hey, we gotta make sure that amazing brain of yours is okay. I mean, I already know it’s messed up. Who likes tea but hates coffee? But humor me.”

Her laugh was watery and weak, but Finn smiled like she gave him a gift.

“I need to get out of this thing first,” she said, gesturing down to the battle armor.

“You’re lucky I know someone who can help with that,” Finn said, and tucked her to his side.

She kept her head down as they entered the shatterdome proper, trusting Finn to safely guide her through the halls. She risked glancing up only twice, each time greeted by the pitying looks of passing personnel. Finn glared at those brave enough to meet his gaze, pulling her impossibly closer until they finally entered the small ready room where she first donned the armor.

BB was waiting inside, and before Rey could even form the sign for _sorry_ BB gently caught her hand, squeezing her fingers tightly before heading to the specialized toolkit and gesturing for her to take off the jacket. Xe was fast and efficient, each piece of armor removed with little fuss and placed into its correct storage container.

The removal of the spinal column left her off balanced, and Finn tucked a steadying hand under her elbow when she swayed. “Yeah, it did that to me, too,” he said. “Apparently it’s even worse after long drifts. After Yamarashi Poe pretty much had to carry Ben for the first hour they were back on land.”

“You saw Ben?” she asked, carefully shifting as BB removed the leg armor.

“They were still connected when Ben died,” Finn said, quiet. “We found him in the drift.”

“I saw Snap,” she admitted, gratefully sinking down on the bench as BB peeled off the last bit. “Their first drop, I mean. They were happy.”

“So were Poe and Ben,” said Finn. “You jealous?”

Rey turned the question over in her mind, and then said, “No. She loves him.”

“Yeah,” Finn agreed. He sat next to her, palm held out, and she placed her hand in his. “You know, you’re going to have to see her sometime.”

Rey looked at their laced fingers and said, “Jess and Poe tried to drift.”

BB, apparently done giving them privacy, eyed them pointedly until Finn took his hand back to sign as he said, “They had a compatibility test after Ben died. Poe, uh, wasn’t in a good frame of mind.

“Neither was Jess,” said Rey.

 _“My fault,”_ BB signed. _“He was gone, after Ben. I thought maybe if he and Jess were compatible it would bring him back. It made it worse.’_

“It’s no one’s fault.” Finn hesitated a moment and then said, slow and careful, “We’re all carrying something. I think that’s why we’re here. We’re all looking for way to lighten the load.”

 _“And it’s the end of the world,”_ BB said. _“Better to be here than spend it alone.”_

“Amen,” said Finn. “Ready to go face Kalonia?”

She felt her expression go stiff and blank and hated herself for it.

 _“Rey,”_ BB signed, gnawing on xyr lower lip, _“whatever you saw in there, it’s okay. I brought you here because you’re like me.”_

_“What do you mean?”_

_“We were both so alone, but we have people who love us. They won’t leave.”_

BB and Finn waited as she hid her face, blinking back the hot tears that threatened, accepting the orange handkerchief BB passed to her. “Okay,” she said, clearing her throat. “Let’s make sure my brain’s not broken.”

Finn and BB flanked her as they marched to medical, as solemn as any honor guard. Finn was good as his word, and she saw neither Poe nor Snap as Kalonia whisked her away. Kalonia was brisk and professional, and she felt herself relax as she sat through a battery of tests, although the worst was the MRI, when it was just her alone in the dark as her brain was scanned.

 _Nothing’s wrong with you,_ Jess said in the drift, the two of them as close as it was possible to be. _You’re amazing._

You couldn’t lie in the handshake. You couldn’t hide. All you could do was cut yourself open and lay yourself bare, hoping your co-pilot still loved you at the end of it.

Shaak Ti was right. None of them had any idea.

“Well,” Kalonia said, “besides some minor neural strain, you and Pava lucked out. I recommend at least a week before attempting another handshake, but you managed not to fry your brains. Congratulations.”

Rey nodded. Finn was waiting outside and all she wanted was to go back to their bunk where it was just the two of them.

“She’s awake,” Kalonia added. “You can visit her if you like.”

She was saved from answering by Finn, who rapped on the doorframe and said, “Marshal Organa would like to see her.”

“Go on, then. I want you back here in the morning for a follow up.”

“Yes, ma’am,” Rey said and fled, Finn hurrying after her.

“How’s your brain?” he asked once he caught up.

“Still intact,” she answered, scanning the hallway.

Unless you knew which one it was, there was nothing to distinguish Marshal Organa’s office from the rooms lining the corridor. There was no plaque or sign. It was just another steel gray door in a long row of them.

The antechamber was empty, Connix gone for the night. Dinner must have come and gone while she was with Kalonia, and she was abruptly aware of the familiar dull gnawing of her stomach, something she hadn’t felt since joining the PPDC.

Poe stepped out of Organa’s office, scrubbing a hand through his hair, shoulders slumped with exhaustion. “Kalonia clear you?” he asked.

“Yes, sir.” She took a deep breath, forcing herself to attention, chin up, gaze trained to the left of Poe’s ear. “I take full responsibility for today, Marshal. Please do not let my poor performance reflect badly on Ranger Pava.”

“Reflect…Christ, Rey, I'm just glad you’re both okay.” Poe lifted one hand, as if he meant to reach for her, but let it drop when Finn shook his head.

Poe was kind, she reminded herself. He was a kind man who lived with his own loss and Finn loved him, and that more than anything gave her the courage to ask, “Do I have to leave?”

“No one’s leaving,” Organa said, gently nudging Poe out of her way. She held two mugs, and Rey focused on that rather than the slow, sad realization stealing across Poe’s face. “Gentlemen, if you will excuse us, Rey and I have much to discuss.”

“Marshal,” Finn protested.

“Mr. Finn,” Organa said firmly, “I realize you and Rey are a match set and I'm sure she will relay our conversation to you at a later time, but for now this does not involve you.” She took a look at their faces and she didn’t soften, for she was what she was, but she said, “You can all stop looking so tragic. No one is being sent away. Now, Rey, if you please.”

Rey had walked into the kaiju that killed Ben Organa, but pushing her way into a monster was easier than making herself pass Organa, aware of the door shutting at her back.

“I’ll be right here,” Finn called before the door cut them off.

Organa nodded toward her desk. “There’s a plate for you. I'm afraid the mess staff tried their hand at shepherd’s pie again, but it’s better than nothing. I doubt Kalonia fed you.

“She seemed more interested in my brain,” Rey answered, picking up the plate and carefully sitting. Organa waited until she took a bite before taking a seat behind her desk, picking up her tablet and seemingly losing herself in work.

The shepherd’s pie was horrible, just like every other time it was attempted, but Rey knew better than to turn away food just because of the taste. She diligently ate her way through it, although she was grateful for the tea to wash it all down.

“Finished?” Organa asked as Rey placed the empty plate back on the desk. “Good. Kalonia’s informed me that she cleared you for duty. Jess will be released soon. I'm sure you’re aware of how lucky you both are.”

“Yes, ma’am.”

“When I was starting out, I wish someone had told me that just because two pilots are compatible doesn’t mean that getting in a Jaeger is inevitable.” She sat back, thoughtful. “I spoke to Jess. She informed me that you were in Kenai when Reckoner made landfall. You met my brother.”

“He gave me chocolate,” Rey said, because she remembered now, that sweetness on her tongue as Luke Amidala stood there, awkward and unsure what to do with a frightened child who refused to speak. “He was kind.”

“That’s Luke. He always did see the best in people.”

“What happened to him?” Rey asked before she could stop herself. Organa’s eyebrows rose. “I'm sorry, Marshal. Please ignore that.”

“You know how Han died,” Organa said. “They still teach the black boxes.”

 _“Hey, Leia,”_ Han drawled from the recording, the sound of rushing water beneath his voice, _“give ‘em hell.”_

“Yes,” Rey said. “The files regarding you and Ranger Amidala said that establishing another neural handshake would go against the health of the pilots.”

“That’s true,” Organa said. “There was an assault on the Breach. It failed. Luke and I were the only survivors, but our neural pathways were damaged. If we tried to drift again, we would die.”

She smiled, something akin to nostalgia lingering in the corners, and for a moment she was startlingly human, and Rey could see why Han Solo would lay his life at her feet.

“Luke and I always had a strong handshake. Han liked to joke I was going to leave him and take the Falcon with me. He wasn’t wrong.” She shook herself. “BB’s theory is that the Breach is partly organic and that is one of the reasons why we never managed to make any headway against closing it.”

“I know that’s why xe’s been collecting kaiju parts,” Rey said.

“I believe the theory has merit.” Organa paused, hands clenching tight. “We fell into the Breach. We managed to escape before we were swallowed completely, but the Falcon’s core overloaded and took us with it.”

Rey remembered that winter, the lean and hungry months. Plutt was furious over being denied any scavenging rights. When the Falcon was dragged from the water, cold and dead, he said, “Such a waste. She would have fed us for months.”

“We’ve all given so much, and for Luke that was it for him. He couldn’t stay and I couldn’t go.” She spread her hands, and said, “There are no half measures in this. Being compatible means you are never truly alone. Whatever you and Jess experienced, you can either find a way to live with it or you don’t drift.”

“Ma’am—”

“All tests with the Millennium Falcon are indefinitely halted. Until I am confident that you and Pava can sustain a stable and healthy handshake neither of you will step foot inside another conn-pod. Am I understood?”

Rey swallowed and said, “Yes, Marshal.”

“As far as I am concerned you are still a member with the PPDC and are therefore afforded a place here in the program.”

In the barely contained chaos of Organa’s office, Finn just outside the door, Jess a steady beat of longing in her head, Rey said, “Where else would I go?”

“That is up to you. Well, you and Mr. Finn. I believe he has some adamant views on you harrowing off on your own.” As Rey stood, Organa crossed around her desk, resting one hand lightly on Rey’s shoulder. “You need to find what you’re looking for, Rey. I don’t want to see you go the way of my brother.”

Rey straightened and said, “Yes, Marshal.”

“Dismissed, ranger.” And then, just before Rey reached the door, she added, “Go see Jess.”

Rey held no answer to that and instead walked out to the sight of Poe’s sad eyes and Finn’s worried face.

“Can we just go back to our room?” she asked quietly, feeling the press of the shatterdome on her.

“Yeah, yeah, come on,” Finn said, bundling her close.

“We’ll speak in the morning,” Poe said, reaching out and touching Finn’s shoulder as they passed, and Rye turned her face away. They deserved their small moment of privacy.

This time the halls were mostly empty, and the few people they passed barely spared them a glance. Everyone looked more harried, a bit more rundown, and Rey did the math in her head. Eden Resolute and Matador Fury fell barely three weeks ago. Another kaiju would be due soon.

“Any reports from the Breach?” she asked as Finn opened the door. Her bed was still unmade, her clothes carelessly piled where she left on them that morning. She hadn’t eaten breakfast, stomach twisted in on itself, sick with the thought of the test looming ahead.

But then she had seen Jess waiting for her, and for a moment she had forgotten there was anything dangerous in her head.

“Not that I’ve heard,” Finn answered, ushering her inside. “It’s been quiet. Another one’s going to come through soon.”

“Yes,” she agreed.

“It makes sense,” Finn continued, half to himself. “Nova’s gone, as is Resolute and Fury. They’re culling us.”

And thanks to her, Rey thought, they were down another Jaeger.

“Stop it,” said Finn, and poked her between the eyes.

“Stop what?” she said, batting his hand away.

“Stop feeling guilty. You’re good, but even you can’t singlehandedly save the world.”

She tried to scowl, but it was too much effort, and instead she sat at the edge of her bed and said, “I don’t know what to do now.”

“You ate, right?” At her nod, he said, “Then you’re going to take one of your hours long showers and get some sleep. I don’t know about you, but I'm too tired to make any plans right now. Let’s leave that to the morning.”

“We?” she said, feeling a smile bubble up.

“Me and you,” Finn said firmly. “We’re in this together.”

She hugged him tight and said, “I am so happy you found me.”

“Me too,” he said, squeezing her ribs before pushing her to the bathroom. “Seriously, shower. I didn’t want to say anything, but you kind of smell.”

“Jerk,” she said.

She stood under the hot water for a long time, willing her mind to go quiet. Jess was asleep now, but that restless longing still thrummed through their connection, and Rey turned her face up into the water and wondered if the problem was that she didn’t know how to be wanted.

“Feeling better?” Finn asked when she stepped out of the bathroom, twisting her wet hair into a knot at the base of her neck.

“A little,” she admitted, and when she hesitated Finn lifted the sheets of his bed and slid towards the wall.

“Try not to steal the covers this time,” Finn said.

“I don’t steal them.”

“You’re a giant cover hog.” He waited until she curled in close before turning the lights off.

This close all she could see was the slope of Finn’s cheekbones, the curve of his mouth. “Are you happy with Poe?” she asked, safe in the dark.

“Yes,” Finn answered.

“Good,” she said, and closed her eyes. “That’s good.”

 

 

She dreamed she stood in Lucky Blue. Across from her, Jess pinned up her hair. She wore her old white battle armor, Blue’s logo stamped across her right shoulder.

“I told you my girl was beautiful,” Jess said, smiling as she took in the conn-pod as water lapped at her feet.

“Jess, there’s water coming in.” The harness yanked her back when she tried to step forward. “What’s happening?”

Jess looked down to where the water was already at her knees. “We’re lucky this is mine. If it was you, we’d be suffocating in Reckoner, wouldn’t we?”

It was at Jess’ hips, and Rey struggled against the harness. “We’ve got to get out.”

“Shit,” said Jess, up to her chin now. “Don’t look.”

Rey yanked free as Jess slipped under the water, the ends of her hair slipping through Rey’s outstretched fingers. Up above, the arch of Reckoner’s ribs was like a cathedral, and she sat there, in the tissue and the muscle, and thought _it’s alive_ as she was swallowed.

 

 

 

She jerked away to Finn’s hand on her shoulder, blinking stupidly at him as her brain turned itself over. _It’s alive,_ she thought again.

“Bad dream?” Finn asked gently.

“Yes,” she answered slowly, “but I think it gave me an idea.”

She clambered over Finn, who yelped when she accidently elbowed his ribs. As she blindly threw on clothes, hoping she was at least partly in uniform, Finn asked, hopefully, “Are you going to see Jess?”

“BB.” She started lacing up her boots. “Do you think xe’s in the lab?”

“Probably. Why?”

“I need to see that kaiju brain.” She grabbed her jacket. “You coming?”

“Of course,” he said. “Where are my pants?”

 

 

 

BB did technically have xyr own room, right next to Poe’s, but it seemed to be mostly for show as xe spent the majority of xyr time in either the Jaeger bay or down in the lab.

“Do you know how many times we found xyr asleep in Rebel?” Jess said that first day, the two of them calibrating Falcon’s right leg. “Poe finally stashed a blanket and pillow there for xyr. Shit, we still got a lag in reaction time. Who did this? I'm going to punch them.”

Jess was still asleep, nothing but the sense of gentle breathing in Rey’s head. She knew bits of Jess now, small pieces she plucked from the drift, like how Jess preferred to burrow under a mountain of blankets with one leg exposed, how she would cook everything on the highest setting because she had no patience, how her love for Snap was as deep as the ocean and just as full of unknowable terrors. It felt like cheating, especially since she didn’t know what Jess looked like in the morning with her sharp mouth and her soft tangle of hair.

“We can stop at medical,” Finn said. “You’re going to have face her sometime.”

“I know, but not yet,” Rey said, and pushed the door open.

BB blinked up from the computer, a half empty coffee pot at xyr elbow and a giant coffee mug in one hand.

“Oh man,” said Finn, signing quickly as he crossed the room. “You know Poe doesn’t like you having so much coffee.”

 _“Poe’s not my dad,”_ BB signed, although xe let Finn take away the pot with a scowl. _“Rey, are you all right?”_

“Well, my head’s still attached,” she answered, glancing around the lab.

She was so busy with Falcon’s restoration and the looming compatibility test that she had only stepped foot in BB’s lab on the few occasions she needed specs. It was a small space filled with various lab benches, and most of these were taken up with Jaeger parts. What wasn’t covered with bits of machinery held kaiju parts in tanks, each preserved in a special fixing agent that apparently Dr. Artoo designed himself.

The kaiju brain, the specimen BB risked Plutt’s wrath for, held the place of honor right next to the coffee pot and BB’s main station. It floated there innocuously, a small gnarled mass that brought both her and Finn to Anchorage.

“I need your help,” she said.

BB glanced at Finn, who shrugged. “She dragged me out of bed with no explanation.”

“When I met with Organa yesterday,” Rey signed once BB’s gaze tracked back to her, “she said you have a theory that the Breach is organic in nature.”

“Wait, it’s alive?” said Finn.

 _“Not exactly,”_ said BB, whose signs were quick and wide, a dead giveaway xe was excited. _“It’s still just a theory, and I mean that for its common usage and not its scientific one.”_

Finn grabbed a couple of mugs, eyeing them critically before shrugging and pouring the remaining coffee in them. “Don’t make that face,” he said to her. “I got a feeling we’re going to need the caffeine.”

Rey took over translating. Finn was a fast learner, but even she had trouble keeping up with BB at times, and so he gave her a grateful look and pulled out a tablet to take notes.

When the Breach first opened, BB told them, they all thought it was a natural occurrence, a result of tectonic plates shifting. And then Trespasser emerged, and the reigning theory was that the Breach was just that, a punched hole between worlds that the kaiju fell through.

It took years to get sensors in place to act as any kind of effective warning system, and even then all they got was data on exothermic and endothermic reactions, perhaps electrical activity before a kaiju emerged. What the Breach actually _was,_ what it was made of, organic or inorganic matter, remained a mystery.

“You think it’s alive?” Finn asked, scrolling through the tablet. Rey peered over his shoulder. It was all of BB’s notes on the Breach activity.

BB waggled one hand back and forth before signing, _“We’ve been so concerned with the immediate threat of the kaiju that we never really studied what was letting them in. Doctors Threepio and Artoo have been attempting to collect data, but lately.”_ Xe shrugged.

Money for the PPDC was almost gone, and what was left was poured into the remaining Jaegers to keep them on their feet.

 _“The kaiju are designed,”_ BB said, and gestured to the largest tank in the corner. It looked to be part of a leg, although it was hard to tell. The ridged scales were tightly woven together, their patterning a swirl of blue and green acting as camouflage. _“They are also clones.”_

“Of course they are,” Finn said, rubbing a hand over his head. “I need more coffee.”

Not identical clones, obviously, BB explained as Finn fought with the old coffee maker. Apparently hormones during pregnancy played quite a large role in determining what genes were expressed, but from the sequencing Dr. Artoo performed, all the kaiju came from the same genetic line. They were, for lack of a better term, manufactured.

“Makes sense,” Finn said, not looking up from the tablet. “We know they were being tailored to specific Jaegers. Nova Hyperion and Draugr proved that.” He frowned. “It must take massive effort. Look how long it took them to adapt to the Jaegers. They kept making them bigger and bigger, and only when that didn’t work did they start using actual strategy.”

“We can’t get anything through the Breach,” Rey said. “Is it scanning for the correct genetic sequence?”

 _“No,”_ BB answered. _“We did attempt to send through kaiju parts. They were rejected.”_

“But Organa said she and her brother fell into it,” she said slowly, staring at the kaiju brain. The Falcon overloaded as they clawed their way out, all her pathways burned and fried, an echo of what happened to Organa and Amidala. “It let them in. Why?”

“You’re thinking the kaiju wanted them for something,” Finn said, and sighed. “I bet if we get Poe to do it, the marshal won’t be that angry we woke her up before dawn.”

 _“You call Poe,”_ BB said. _“You’re his favorite.”_

“You are,” Rey agreed, smiling as Finn did a very poor job of acting like he hadn’t secretly been

planning to call Poe all along.

 

 

 

By the time Poe and Organa arrived, Finn had coaxed the coffee machine into brewing another pot, although it made ominous hissing noises the entire time. Rey declined a second cup, sifting through BB’s data about the kaiju specimens. K-Science had been her weakest course, and most of that had been focused on physical vulnerabilities, but even she could tell that something wasn’t quite right.

“Thanks,” Poe said, and she glanced over to see him glowing at Finn, who was smiling helplessly back.

 _Gross,_ Jess’ voice echoed in her head, and Rey swayed against the emptiness at her side.

“Rangers,” Organa said. She wasn’t in uniform, forgoing the dress jacket in favor of a sweater that looked soft with age. Her hair was carelessly piled on top of her head, but there was still no mistaking her for anything but an unmovable force. “If you would be so kind to fill me in.”

 _“Rey_ _thinks the Breach deliberately swallowed you and your brother,”_ BB signed.

Organa’s eyebrows rose. “Would you care to elaborate?”

“It’s something you said,” Rey explained. “You and Amidala were the only ones to survive the assault.”

“There was a Category IV. It took down Specter Zero and Whiskey Phantom.” She frowned and said, thoughtful, “It did work to separate Luke and I. At the time I assumed it was because we were carrying the payload.”

“But it could have been herding you?” Poe asked.

“Possibly.” Organa sipped her coffee, nodding approvingly at Finn, who ducked his head. “I am assuming there is more to this theory.”

“Yes, ma’am,” Rey said. “You said your neural pathways were damaged because the power overload in the Millennium Falcon damaged the neural processer. But that doesn’t make any sense. After what happened with Horizon Brave’s pilots redundancies were built into the AI to prevent any future injuries.”

“BB gave me the old schematics,” Finn adding, handing Organa a tablet. “See that? That’s the regulator. Even with the core overloading and complete system failure, the failsafe would have kicked in. This exact catastrophic failure was what they were designed for.”

“No system is perfect,” she answered, but there was a sharpness to her gaze.

Poe sat up from where he was leaning comfortably against Finn. “You pulled an unresponsive and dead Jaeger from the Breach, ma’am. How deep was the drift?”

“As deep as you can go,” she answered. “That can do neural damage.”

“Not like this,” Poe said. “We know what that looks like. We’ve seen it in pilots who lost their partners. This is different. What happened?”

“Sometimes I wish you didn’t know me so well,” she said.

“Leia,” Poe said, “what happened?”

“What I'm about to say doesn’t go beyond this room.” Her gaze flicked to each of them before settling on Poe again. “Luke and I disabled the failsafes and blew the core.”

“Why?” Poe asked.

“Something was trying to get into our handshake.”

“I thought that was impossible,” Finn said.

“Later, it was determined that it was the strength of the handshake combined with the overloaded core that caused our connection to become unstable. Due to the trauma we were no longer able to recognize one another.” Her voice didn’t waver. “I know my brother’s mind. There was something else there. We destroyed the core to escape.”

“That fits with our theory,” Rey said, swallowing down the instinctive wrongness of anything interfering with a handshake. “We believe it was the Breach itself trying to enter Falcon’s AI.”

“Something is behind the kaiju,” Finn added, “and whatever it is, it probably wanted a Jaeger to study.”

“And what better one than the Millennium Falcon,” said Organa ruefully.

“Why didn’t you attempt to jettison?” Poe asked.

Organa stared past them, and Rey felt the years peel and curl back as Organa said, “We couldn’t leave her down there alone, and we knew that when we disconnected from her we could never go back.”

Poe went to her side, the two of them leaning close together, silent in their shared sorrow. Finn moved to stand on her right, shoulder to shoulder, as they gave Poe and Organa what privacy they could.

In the quiet that rose among them, Rey felt Jess stir awake, and she couldn’t stop herself from reaching out and nudging against that sleepy warmth, simple and easy, until BB made a surprised noise and Rey pulled in and away.

 _“What is it?”_ Poe signed.

BB was as close to frantic as Rey had ever seen, and she couldn’t tell if it was excitement or panic.

_“Hey, hey, easy, buddy. We’re not as fast as you. You gotta slow it down for us.”_

BB huffed and signed, _“I’ve been working on mapping the Breach’s electrical activity. It’s a strange pattern. All this talk about the marshal’s neural handshake made me curious. I took a look at her and Luke’s scans.”_

“You were suspiciously quiet,” Organa said. “What did you find?”

BB keyed up the main screen. _“This is your neural activity. And this is what we have observed when the Breach is active.”_

It wasn’t perfect, as so few things were, but there was a pattern slipping through both images.

“Well,” said Organa, “I’ll be damned.”

 

 

 

There was, Rey learned, a lot of hurry up and wait in the PPDC. After BB’s discovery Statura and Ackbar had to be contacted, and then Threepio and Artoo were read in (“Must we,” Poe said plaintively, wincing as BB kicked his shin). After she and Finn relayed their theory once again, they were firmly and politely shoved out the door.

“I'm afraid you don’t have the clearance,” Poe said apologetically.

“I’ll find you later,” Finn said, his hand lingering on Poe’s waist, and Rey envied the easy way Finn reached out to others, as if the thought of keeping his distance never occurred to him.

They ended up in the mess, picking through the remains of powdered eggs and rubbery bacon while the shatterdome continued on around them.

“What do you think they’re planning?” Rey asked, pouring more milk into her cooling tea.

“No idea,” Finn answered.

“Let me rephrase. If it were you what would you be planning?”

Finn frowned, but Rey knew him well enough to see him turning over the new information, his brain quickly and quietly working through the tangled mess.

“The problem,” he finally said, “is that we don’t have any hard evidence. This is all supposition.”

“We need an intact kaiju brain,” she said.

“Not like we won’t get a chance to get one,” Finn said.

Rey bit back the bitterness that welled up. Finn would be out there and she would not.

Finn took her in and said mildly, “You could go see Jess.”

The protests she made yesterday, the excuses, burned on her tongue, and for a moment she reached out to where Jess burned in her head, alive and angry. “I'm scared,” she admitted. “She scares me.”

“I love you, like a lot, but you can’t run from this. You know that, right?”

“I hurt her.”

Finn pressed a kiss to the top of her head and said, “Yeah, you did, but staying away isn’t going to hurt her less.”

“Listen to the kid. He’s smart.”

Rey jumped as Snap took a seat, cane propped up against his chair, leg stretched out. Under the table, Finn took her hand.

“You look just as terrible as Jess,” Snap said, peering into his mug before shrugging fatalistically and taking a long drink. “Christ, that’s terrible. You have a rough night?”

Rey blinked, and said, cautious, “I had a dream.”

“Not unusual for a drift like yours, and Falcon was ghosting a bit.”

Sometimes, as the hours of the neural handshake stretched out and fell away, there would come a point in the night when the Jaeger would shift ever so slightly, mirroring the way its pilots would curve and reach for one another in their sleep.

“I thought that was just a story,” she said.

“Stories gotta begin somewhere. You doing okay?” For all that she tried to keep still and placid, something gave her away, because Snap said, exasperated, “Stop with the sad baby bird look. It’s not just you I'm angry at. She should have known better.”

“I’m sorry,” said Rey, forcing herself to meet Snap’s gaze. Jess loved him, and she couldn’t bear it if Snap hated her.

“Seriously, you got to stop with those eyes. You’re worse than Poe.” He hesitated a moment before leaning forward, gently rapping his knuckles against the back of her hand. “Here’s what’s going to happen. You are going to get your shit together and figure out a way to be okay because if I have to spend one more day with Jess trying to keep her from fighting literally everyone because she won’t admit how worried she is about you I will kill you both and go home to my wife.”

“She is sort of an angry person,” Rey said, letting the tension ease out of her shoulders.

“That girl will fight anything, including herself if she’s in the right mood.” His phone chimed, and Snap’s eyebrows rose as he read the message. “Whatever you kids did, it’s kicking off now.”

“What is it?” Finn asked.

“I'm being summoned.” He grabbed his cane, levering himself to his feet. “One last word of advice. If you wait too long, Jess is gonna find you, and I can promise that you do not want that.”

Rey waited until Snap was gone before asking, “How do you make yourself okay?”

“If anyone of us knew that,” said Finn, “I don’t think we’d need the drift.”

 

 

 

It was fast approaching evening when Organa called them back to her office. She and Finn spent the hours in the Jaeger bay, sitting in the shadow of Black Rebel and Millennium Falcon, bent over their tablets as various personnel came and went, an almost palpable energy flooding the building.

Connix barely glanced up from her computer when they entered, her hair falling out of the customary twin buns, dark smudges under her eyes. “She and Marshal Dameron are waiting for you,” she said. “Whatever you found has everyone in an uproar.”

“Who says we found anything?” Rey asked, and Connix graced her with a long look as they passed.

Rey managed a glimpse of the monitor. Connix was sending out orders for the shatterdome to close.

In the office proper, Organa sat with her elbows on her desk, hair coiled neatly into place, the only visible sign of fatigue the pair of glasses she slid off and folded as they entered. Poe sat to her right, curls falling into his eyes, and as she stepped aside so Finn could cross to him, she found herself sharing a commiserating look with Organa.

“Sorry we kept you waiting,” said Poe as Finn sat next to him. “It’s been a busy day.”

“Yeah, we noticed,” Finn said with a wry smile, and Rey had never actually seen anyone swoon before but Poe was doing a pretty good impression of it.

She took a seat in the remaining chair and asked, “Has something been decided?”

“The Icebox is officially being closed,” Organa said briskly, as Poe scrubbed a hand over his face.

“Is it because of my failed test?” she asked, holding herself still.

“It certainly didn’t help. This was always going to happen. I had been managing to stall, but our time’s up, I'm afraid.”

“What happens now?” Finn asked.

“Myself and Poe along with a small staff will be transferring to Hong Kong. We’ll be taking both Millennium Falcon and Black Rebel. Chrome Brutus and Scarlet Rapier will also be stationed there. That’s where we’ll make our last stand.”

“And us?” Finn asked.

“That is where it gets interesting,” said Organa. “As I'm sure you’re aware, PPDC funding is being cut and diverted into the Wall of Life program.” Rey swallowed her protest as Organa raised one hand. “It is what it is, Rangers. We are not without means, of course.”

“You have a plan?” Finn asked.

Poe said, “More of an outline. This doesn’t leave the room.” He glanced at Organa, hesitated.

“Out with it,” she said with a smile. “These two are very smart. I'm sure they’ve already reached the same conclusion. Well?” This last part was directed at Rey and Finn.

“Have you been to medical?” Finn asked.

“I haven’t been prodded that much since I was an active pilot,” Organa answered, amused. “We’re still waiting results from the tests, but so far it has been…illuminating.”

Rey met Finn’s even gaze before saying, “You’re looking for Luke.”

“Not looking. I know where he is. He left the PPDC, but he didn’t stop being my brother.” Organa folded her hands, and Rey wondered if the kaiju had the good sense to fear her. “My and Marshal Dameron’s orders require us to decommission the Icebox and accompany the Jaegers to Hong Kong. I am asking if _you_ will go bring my brother back. I think he would like to see you.”

Before Rey could do more than swallow, Finn said, “I'm going with her.”

“I did say you two were a package deal,” she said, tilting her head meaningfully in Poe’s direction.

“Um,” said Finn, turning wide eyes on Poe, apologetic.

“I get it,” Poe said softly, nudging Finn’s shoulder. “Just come back. I can’t pilot the old girl without you.”

“Rey?” Organa prompted, and then, “Gentlemen, a moment please.”

Rey leaned into the hand Finn pressed to her shoulder as he passed, and it wasn’t until the door closed that Organa stood with a sigh, moving around the desk to drag Finn’s abandoned chair over.

“It’s hard, you know,” she said, “deciding to trust someone, making yourself a home for them. And then the bastard goes and dies on you, and you have to do it all over again, only this time it takes longer and it hurts even more, but you still do it because you love them, and even then there’s no guarantee that they’ll stay and make themselves into your home. But you do it anyway because the cost of not doing so is to remain a monster all alone.”

“I'm fine on my own,” Rey said, because that was the truth, the one she held on to through every winter, waiting for her parents to return and take her home.

“Well, kid, here’s the thing,” Organa said, gently taking Rey’s hand in her own. “You don’t have to be. You already got Finn, which means you have Poe. And Snap is just waiting for you and Jess to sort yourselves out to start feeding you up. I have it on good authority his wife is already knitting you some socks. You always have a place here, whether you’re in the Falcon or not. But right now I need you to remind my idiot brother of the same thing, if you’re willing.”

Organa, despite the reputation she wore like a badge of honor, was not a force of nature or an unbreakable shield, nor even a monster like those she killed. She was a woman who carried her losses with her and made the choice to keep fighting.

She humbled Rey.

“Of course, Marshal,” she said, and there was relief in the press of Organa’s fingers against her own. “Whatever you need.”

Organa stood, moving back behind her desk. “I’ve arranged transportation for both you and Mr. Finn. You’ll leave at 0600 hours.” She slid her glasses back on and added, “And if I may offer a piece of advice. You should find Jess before she finds you.”

“Snap already told me it’ll be bad if I make her hunt me down.”

Organa smiled. “He would know. When they fought, the entire ’dome heard them. I expect you two will be even louder.”

“Jess likes a good fight,” Rey said.

“Don’t we all?” Organa said as Rey let herself out.

 

 

 

She didn’t have much to pack, just her PPDC uniform and a few other clothes the academy’s quarter master had given to her. Her tablet was carefully tucked into the bag’s inside pocket, and her staff was securely strapped to the outside.

“Do you think you’ll need that?” Poe asked from his seat on Finn’s bunk.

“It’s better to have it just in case,” she answered.

“You have got to see her in action,” said Finn, grinning. “She’s awesome.”

“I have watched your simulation runs. You’re good,” said Poe. He glanced to where she was fidgeting with the zipper. “You got everything?”

“Almost,” she answered.

 _Show me_ , Jess had said, and Rey had trusted herself to Jess, who had caught her even as they both fell.

“I have to talk to Jess.”

Finn grabbed her close, pressing a kiss to her cheek. “That’s my girl,” he said quietly. “I'm proud of you.”

She huffed out a laugh and said, “I'm glad one of us is.”

From the bed, smiling softly as he took them in, Poe said, “One thing you should remember about Jess is that for all her talk she’s scared, too. Her room is—”

“Two doors down on the left,” said Rey. “I know.”

Finn pushed her towards the door. “You’ve kept her waiting long enough.”

She glanced back at Poe’s encouraging look before stepping out into the hall. Jess was a constant, angry buzz in her head, and Rey exhaled and let the connection unfurl. It pricked and ached, like blood returning to a numbed limb. She breathed through it, waiting until the initial sharpness slowed and steadied, the way it had felt in the drift, Jess firm and fierce in her faith of their handshake.

Before she could bring herself to knock, Jess wrenched the door open and said, “Jesus, you look like a puppy that’s been locked outside. You going to come in? Close the door behind you.”

Rey pulled the door shut. Jess’ hair was damp and loose and just starting to curl at the ends. When Jess pushed it back from her face, Rey fumbled a hair band from her wrist.

“Here,” she offered, knowing Jess hated the feeling of wet hair on the back of her neck.

Mouth twisted, Jess took the proffered hair band, pulling her hair up, and Rey looked away from the bared skin of her throat and wrists. She had never been in Jess’ room as most of their time spent together in Millennium Falcon or in the mess, safe spaces where Rey could easily make an exit if she had to. This was much more dangerous with Jess’ bookshelf of carefully indexed manuals and the odd paperback novel, the bits and pieces of machinery scattered over her desk, the tacked up pictures of her family.

“So,” Jess said, arms crossed, and Rey just kept herself from jumping. “You done?”

“Done?”

“Avoiding me.”

“I haven’t been—” Jess’ eyebrows climbed and Rey swallowed the rest of the lie. “You’ve been discharged from medical?”

“My head’s still intact.” Jess sighed, arms falling to her sides. “As much fun as it for you to look at me with those tragic eyes all night, I'm tired. What do you want, Rey?”

The connection hummed unhappily between them, and Rey said, “I'm sorry. I shouldn’t have—I'm sorry.”

“I get it,” said Jess.

Rey blinked. “You do?”

“What’s that face for? I know how it feels to have all the awful shit you deal with get dragged out. I told you how after Poe I ran and had my ass kicked for it. So I get it. You’re scared and so you ran.”

“I thought you’d be angrier,” Rey admitted, relaxing at the flicker of amusement Jess couldn’t quite hide.

“Oh, I was. You owe Snap about a hundred favors, you know. He’s the one that kept me from chasing you down before you were ready.”

“I owe him a lot,” she agreed. “I am sorry I didn’t come see you. I know you wanted me to.”

“I didn’t—” This time Rey was the one who raised her eyebrows in disbelief. “God, are we really doing the honesty thing? Fine. I wanted you there. Medical doesn’t hold a lot of good memories for me.”

Rey had felt it in the drift, the ache in Jess’ back from sleeping next to Snap’s bed, waiting him to swim to consciousness before the painkillers took him under again. It was only when he was awake and braiding her hair over and over, each time more ornate, that Jess had let herself take in the space of his missing leg, guilt lodged like a stone in her throat.

After the compatibility test with Poe, Jess hadn’t set foot in the medical wing.

“I'm sorry,” she repeated, and then shook her head when Jess opened her mouth. “Not just for avoiding you. I promised that I wouldn’t let what happened with Poe happen with you, but I hurt you. I didn’t mean to pull you down, but I couldn’t help it. I'm so sorry.”

Jess stared at her, silent, and just when Rey was about to give in to the pit opening in her stomach and quietly leave, Jess said, reverent, “Jesus. It’s really hard for me to stay angry when you say shit like that, you know that?”

“I'm not going to apologize for that,” she said.

“Don’t think you can win every argument by getting all heartfelt on me.”

“Not every argument, just half of them.”

Jess snorted, and the warmth was back, spooling down Rey’s spine, lighting her up. She told Finn that it felt strange to be around Jess, and it still was, but it was good, too.

“Look,” said Jess, “let’s get one thing straight. You did not drag me down. I chose to go with you, remember? That was my choice, and I don’t regret it and I would do it again.” Slowly, giving Rey plenty of chance to shift back, Jess gently touched her wrist. Rey turned her hand over and let their fingers interlace. “What your parents did was unforgivable.”

“There must have been a reason,” she said, the same words she repeated to herself over the years, small and sad in the face of her loneliness.

“No,” Jess said, firm. “Rey, look at me. I don’t care what reason you have, you don’t leave your kid. And fuck them for making you think there’s something wrong with you. You are smart and resourceful and _amazing_ , and you did it all without them. You have nothing to be ashamed of. _Nothing.”_

She shook her head, throat tight and hot. She had kept count of the days, as best she could, marking the wall of her small home, promising that when her parents came back they would find her useful enough that they would keep her.

“Why don’t they love me?” she said. “I tried, but they never—”

“Sweetheart,” Jess said, voice rough as if she had been crying. “God, Rey, sweetheart.”

Before Jess could do more than lift one arm, Rey was curling into her, turning her face into Jess’ neck, arm tight around Jess’ waist. This time, as they tears came, she didn’t fight it, just let herself cry quietly as Jess stroked her hair, her other hand warm and steady between Rey’s shoulder blades.

“I'm here,” Jess murmured. “I'm right here. I'm not going anywhere. I got you, Rey. I got you.”

The tears tapered off, leaving her with a hot, aching head and raw throat. Jess was humming, an old song her mother must have sang to her when she was young. Rey’s own mother did that once. It was what mothers did.

“Hey,” Jess said softly as Rey sniffled into her shoulder.

“Hey,” Rey answered. She should step back, let the space breathe between them. She wasn’t Finn, who looked at her with wonder, who loved so easy. Jess wasn’t Poe, who kept reaching out to others, even in his grief.

She didn’t know what they were, but she liked this, the two of them pressed together, the tip of Jess’ nose brushing her temple.

“It’s called velcroing,” Jess answered. “It’s the need to touch after a handshake. It helps to ease you back into a normal connection.”

“Oh,” said Rey, running one hand down along Jess’ spine.

“Little more intense because we put it off. Me and Snap would sleep together.” She poked Rey’s ribs when she giggled. “Shut up. That’s not a euphemism. We just shared the bed, although the bastard stole the covers.”

“Mmm.” Bed sounded like a good idea, and she swayed further into Jess.

“All right, come on,” said Jess, and very gently eased Rey from her. Rey blinked, Jess’ features coming into focus, and Jess’ face went oddly stiff for a moment before she sighed and tucked Rey’s hair behind her ear. “Want to tell me what I’ve missed? I heard you and the kid got everybody all worked up again.”

As Jess kicked out the desk chair for her and passed over a bottle of water, Rey explained about her and Finn’s theory, what BB found, and then what Marshal Organa asked of her.

“You and Finn ever think of taking a day off?” Jess said once Rey finished.

“And do what?” she asked, turning the water bottle between her palms.

“I'm taking you on vacation when this is over.” Jess kicked her ankle before turning serious, gaze heavy and searching as she said, “You’re going to find him, aren’t you?”

“Yes,” Rey answered, feeling the certainty settle low in her belly. “The marshal needs him and I,” she hesitated a moment, taking in the sweep of Jess’ eyelashes, the arch of her cheekbones. “I don’t trust myself to get back into the Falcon with you. I think I need to make myself okay, and to do that I want to understand why he left.”

“And you want to bring him back,” Jess said, and then she smiled, and Rey felt her breath catch. “I'm not going to say I understand, because I don’t, but I get this is important to you. The kid is going with you, right?”

“We leave in the morning,” Rey said.

“Poe is going to be unbearable, like way worse than when he came back from San Francisco.”

“It’s not going to be long,” Rey said, because she already felt the longing seeping through. “We’ll be back before you leave for Hong Kong.”

“You better. I cannot handle a sulking Poe.”

Rey stood, not letting herself hesitate before moving in close, touching the skin of Jess’ arm where her sleeve rode up. “Finn’s not going to be any better.”

“At least I have BB to help deal with Poe.” As Rey laughed, she said, “You need help packing?”

“No, but I left Finn alone with Poe. I'm pretty sure they’re being gross together, and I don’t want to deal with—how did you put it? That hot mess on my own.”

“What kind of co-pilot would I be if I didn’t suffer with you?”

Jess followed her back to the room, and Poe looked up from where he and Finn were sprawled on the mattress, smiling as he took them in, and said, “Pava, did you talk about feelings?”

“You have enough for all of us,” Jess shot back, but she took a seat next to Rey on the bed, their shoulders touching, and good naturedly rolled her eyes at Poe’s pleased grin.

 

 

 

It was cold and dim as they made their way through the halls, retracing the steps they took months ago. Now, like then, BB led the way, although xyr steps were slow and dragging and xe kept sending Rey and Finn miserable looks.

 _“I don’t see why I can’t come,”_ BB signed. _“Every time I let you out of my sight you get into trouble.”_

 _“You got us into trouble last time,”_ Finn answered.

“Pfft,” BB said, and waved dismissively.

“Don’t look at me,” said Poe when Finn turned beseeching eyes on him. “All three of you are trouble magnets.

“I wouldn’t cast stones,” Jess said. “I’ve heard the stories from your academy days.”

“Ben always did have a big mouth,” Poe grumbled.

They entered the lobby to find Organa and Snap waiting, Maz Kanata next to them with a bight scarf looped around her neck, dark eyes watchful behind her glasses. Rey wondered if she and Finn looked different to Maz now or if she had always been aware of the livewires humming in their brains.

“You’re our ride?” Finn asked.

“Don’t be surprised,” Maz answered. “I told you I’ve been with the PPDC since the beginning. Luke is an old friend of mine, in a matter of speaking.”

“Maz knows my brother’s location,” Organa said, stepping forward. “She’ll get you there and back safely.”

“Now, Poe,” Maz said, “no need to look so lovesick. I’ll take care of them. You have my word.”

Organa gently took Rey’s hands in her own. “Find what you’re looking for and come back.” She fixed Finn with a stern look. “That goes for both of you.”

She squeezed Rey’s hands tightly and stepped to the side as Snap said, “You have your tablets and phones. Check in every twelve hours just so we know you haven’t run into trouble. Oh, and here. There’s a storm coming in. Keep warm.”

He tossed a knitted hat at her face. It was wool and lumpy but, as she tugged it on, wonderfully warm.

“Thanks,” she said, watching as Snap passed another one to Finn.

“My wife likes to keep busy,” he answered.

“I meant—”

“I know what you meant.” He glanced at Jess, who was doing a very poor of pretending not listen in. Rolling his eyes, Snap leaned in and whispered, “Don’t take too long.”

She nodded, grateful, and then found herself almost bowled over by BB, who held on tightly before doing the same for Finn, who rubbed affectionate knuckles through xyr curls. BB did a poor job of pretending to hate it.

“Make your goodbyes quick,” said Maz. “We need to get on the road.”

“Give us a moment,” said Poe.

BB backed away as Finn and Poe bent their heads together, Finn gently palming the back of Poe’s neck. She couldn’t hear what Poe whispered, but she saw Finn smile, angling his head in as Poe tilted to meet him. The kiss was soft and unhurried and Rey looked away, ignoring the envious ache that took up residence in her stomach.

“He is going to be unbearable,” Jess said, arms crossed over her chest.

“Finn too,” she said, swallowing. “I'm not good at this.”

“At what?” Jess asked.

Rey gestured uselessly between them. She was never the one leaving, and she had no idea how to make Jess look less sad.

“You’re doing pretty good so far,” Jess said.

“Really?” she said, and tilted her head meaningfully towards Poe and Finn.

“Just ignore whatever ridiculous Shakespearian nonsense they got going on.”

There was no ignoring the warm glow between them, so Rey let herself enjoy it, the giddiness swelling in her chest until it felt like her ribs would crack open.

“I'm going to miss you,” she said.

Jess’s arms dropped to her side, startled.

“Wait,” Rey said, “you thought I wouldn’t?”

“No,” Jess said quickly. “That’s not it. I just thought—god, I don’t know. I'm not really good at this either.”

Rey smiled, the giddiness settling into something fond and tender.

“Can I…?” Jess asked, and Rey barely finished nodding before Jess was hugging her.

Rey let herself savor the moment, Jess pressed tight against her. Jess’ hair was soft in her fingers, and the wings of her shoulder blades rose and fell beneath her palm with every breath.

“Do whatever you need to do,” said Jess, “and then come home.”

Home. The word settled in her bones, and she thought of the tally marks she made every day back in Kenai, waiting. That was her past and now she had a future.

“I will,” she promised.

“Rangers,” Organa said, not unkind, “it’s time.”

Feeling brave, Rey pressed a kiss to the corner of Jess’ mouth before grabbing her bag and, Finn at her side, followed Maz out the door and into the dark.

 

 

 

Maz put on her terrible drum and horn music, but kept the volume low.

“Where are we going?” Finn asked. He had opted to sit in the back with her, and his head was slowly drooping towards her shoulder.

“South,” Maz answered. “It’s a two day drive. We’ll take it in shifts. We should get there before the storm blows in. Both of you get some sleep.” As Finn sunk down in the seat, getting comfortable, Rey met Maz’s gaze in the rearview mirror. “Find what you’re looking for?” she asked.

Rey lifted her arm for Finn to slide under as his head came to rest on her shoulder. “I think so,” she answered, and Maz returned her attention to the road.

They stopped to refuel and switch drivers. Maz passed around sandwiches and a thermos of coffee before they were back on the road. Rey’s shift was long and uneventful, Maz snoring quietly behind them as Finn checked in with the Icebox.

“Nothing new,” he reported, and then, “Can you feel it?”

“Yes,” she answered. She felt small and stretched thin as the miles dropped away under them, and the unhappy whine in her head had settled in her bones, her entire body shaking from it. She was afraid to fall back asleep to find Jess drowning.

“It’s only for a few days,” Finn said, although his voice near broke from wanting.

“Thank you for coming,” Rey said. “I don’t think I could handle it without you.”

“Like I’d let you go alone,” he said, and flicked on the radio. “There has got to be some decent music out here.”

They made another stop a few hours after sunset, just long enough for them to use the bathroom and grab some food before Maz was herding them back to the van, sniffing the air suspiciously.

“Definitely a storm,” she said, “but not a bad one. Shouldn’t be more than a day or two.”

“How is that not bad?” said Finn.

“Aren’t you adorable,” said Maz, and Rey patted Finn’s shoulder even as she laughed at his injured look.

That night, as Finn took the wheel, Maz once again asleep in the back, Rey said, “I was in Kenai when Reckoner attacked. Luke found me. He kept me safe.”

“I did wonder how you ended up there,” Finn said.

She could only do this because he wasn’t looking at her. “That’s not how. My parents left me there a couple years before that.” She drew in a breath, grateful for the faint glow of Jess in her head. “Jess saw it. That’s where we went when we chased the rabbit. I thought they would come back one day, but it turns out they didn’t want me.”

It was silent for a moment and then Finn said, slowly and with great feeling, “ _Fuck them_. No, seriously, Rey, fuck them. You are the greatest person I have ever met, you know that, right?”

“I'm pretty sure that hurts Poe’s feelings,” she said, trying for a smile.

“He knows,” Finn said. “I feel sorry for them. They’re missing out on knowing you.”

“You’re the best person I’ve ever met,” she said. “I know you don’t think you belong here with the rest of us, but you’re so smart, Finn.”

“I'm okay,” he said, shrugging uncomfortably.

“You’re brilliant,” she said firmly, “and brave and funny and you make me happy. You make so many people happy. You should know that.”

“You make me happy, too,” Finn said.

“I'm glad you’re here.”

“Hey, what if you need a car hotwired? Who else would do that for you?”

“Jess, probably.”

“Nah, she’d just, like, knife fight anyone who looked at you funny.”

“She doesn’t own a knife.”

“I am one hundred percent certain she does.” His gaze flicked to her and away as he said, “You know she wants you.”

“I know,” Rey answered. “And Poe definitely wants you.”

“Oh my god,” Finn said.

“I saw that kiss. Very romantic.”

“Please stop talking.”

“Are his eyes as gentle and mysterious close up as you imagined?”

“I’d say they’re more dreamy than mysterious,” Maz said from the back.

“I will drive us into a tree,” he threatened.

 

 

 

It was an hour before sunset when Maz took them down an unpaved road, the van bouncing as they hit one pothole after another.

“It feels like we’re entering a horror movie,” said Finn. “You know the black guy always dies first in those, right?”

“You’re training to fight monsters in a giant robot,” Maz answered. “I'm confident you can handle one serial killer.”

“Oh, thanks.”

It was another mile before they came upon the cabin. It was sturdy and brightly lit, looking more like a retreat than a reclusive hideaway, but then Rey had taken pride in the small home she had put together in Kenai.

“Come on, out, out,” Maz said as the front door opened. “Don’t be shy.”

Rey followed Finn from the van, his hand gripping hers tightly as Luke Amidala stepped onto the porch. He was shorter than she remembered, the blond of his hair giving way to gray. He and Leia shared the same shape of their eyes and the stubborn juts of their chin. But where the years had forged Leia Organa to steel, they had eroded Luke. Weary was the only word Rey could think of. He looked weary down to his bones.

“Hello, Maz,” he said.

“Luke,” Maz answered, adjusting her glasses. “You can’t be surprised I'm here.”

“I'm only surprised it took you so long. And that you brought others.”

His attention turned to her and Finn, and for a moment Rey felt like she was back in the ruins of Kenai, a scared kid that Luke promised to keep safe.

“Pull the van around back to the shed,” he said. “There’s a storm coming in. We’re not going anywhere for the next day. I hope you like stew.”

And with that he went back inside, the door shut behind him.

“You heard him,” said Maz. “Get to it.”

“He didn’t recognize me,” Rey said as she and Finn drove the van to the back.

“It’s been awhile,” said Finn, carefully putting the van into park. “You look different. You’re taller now. Well, slightly taller.”

“Shut up,” she said. “You’re not that tall.”

“I'm taller than Poe and that’s all that matters.”

The van battened down, they trudged back to the cabin where Maz had left the door open for them. Inside was wide and open with a comfortable looking couch and matching chairs in the main room, both piled high with blankets. And although it held the look of being lived in there were no pictures or artwork on the walls, no sign that the person living there held any interest in the outside world. It felt oddly empty.

“I don’t get many guests,” Luke said from the kitchen as they all shed their outer layers and hung them on the hooks next to the door. “You two can share the couch. It folds out. Maz, you can take the spare room.”

“Thank you,” Maz said. “The stew smells delicious. Rey, Finn, help the set the table.”

Luke already pulled out plates, which he passed to Finn, who carefully laid them out. Rey found the silverware through the expedient method of opening every drawer and rattling the contents of each loudly as Luke pulled a loaf of bread out of the oven.

After they sat down, stew ladled out and bread passed around, Maz said, “I see you still haven’t learned what spices are for.”

“I use spices,” Luke answered.

“The empirical evidence suggests otherwise.”

“I’ve missed you too.” He glanced at them. “Who are the kids?”

“Rey and Finn.”

“Rangers?” Luke asked.

“Yes, and we hate to be talked about as if we weren’t right here,” Rey said. “We’re pilots.”

“Of course you are. Leia handpicked you, didn’t she? She always liked the ones unafraid to speak their minds.” His gaze was steady and assessing, just like his sister. “Who are your co-pilots?”

“Jessika Pava,” Rey answered. “I don’t know if you met her.”

“After my time. And you, Finn?”

“Poe,” Finn said.

Luke set his spoon down. “Let me guess, he found you.”

“We found each other,” Finn answered.

“How is he?”

“Good.” Finn hesitated and then said, “He misses Ben.”

“Yes, he always will. But he’s happy?”

“Yeah.” Finn smiled, soft and pleased. “He’s happy.”

“You’re piloting Black Rebel with him?”

“BB’s done a really good job rebuilding her. She’s beautiful.”

“That’s good,” said Luke. “I was worried for him.”

“And yet you never went back,” said Maz.

“Maz,” Luke said, “you know I couldn’t.”

“I know that’s what you choose to tell yourself.” She grabbed the salt shaker. “You sister needs you.”

Luke turned towards her, and Rey rolled her shoulders back. “You’re piloting Millennium Falcon,” he said.

“I am. Jess was in charge of her restoration. She’s a Mach I with a double nuclear core. She’s one of a kind now.”

“She always was,” Luke said, wistful. There was a moment of silence as they picked at the food before Luke said, “Why did my sister send you?”

Finn nudged her under the table. “You don’t remember me,” Rey finally said, poking at a potato, “but you found me in Kenai when Reckoner made landfall. You kept me safe.”

“Oh,” said Luke, almost wondrously. “You look different now.”

“So do you,” she said.

He looked to Maz. “You knew about this?”

“You and your sister are both very stubborn,” Maz answered. “Sometimes you need a little nudge.”

“A nudge,” Luke repeated, and then laughed quietly. “Oh, Leia, I see you haven’t learned subtlety.”

“Does that mean you’ll come back?” Finn asked. “We kind of really need you.”

Luke shoved his chair back and stood. “Make yourselves at home. I’ll see in you the morning.”

And with that they were left alone as outside the snow began to fall.

 

 

 

The couch did pull out, and Maz supervised as she and Finn fitted sheets onto the thin mattress, piling blankets on top. The temperature was dropping fast, and they would be grateful for the extra warmth.

“You’re all set?” Finn asked, tossing the last of the pillows on the bed.

“The guest room is quite nice,” said Maz. She was, inexplicably, wearing a pair of fuzzy slippers. “We’ll work on Luke again in the morning.”

“We can’t force him to go,” Rey said, “if he really doesn’t want to.”

Maz snorted. “The first thing you learn about that family is that they have to make everything unnecessarily complicated even if it’s what they really want. _Especially_ if it’s what they really want. Now get some sleep. We’re going to have to start shoveling snow in the morning.”

They shared the bathroom, bumping elbows at the sink, before diving under the blankets, huddling together to share the warmth.

“I was hoping he would leave with us today,” Finn said.

“Yeah, me too,” Rey answered. She pulled the top quilt practically over their heads. “We’ll try again tomorrow.”

It was easy falling asleep next to Finn. They knew where to put knees and elbows and how to mostly share the blankets. It was nice, the comfort of another body next to your own.

Her sleep was deep and silent, and in the dream she was always just out of reach as Jess desperately grabbed for her.

It was Finn who woke her up, his quick gasps of air breaking through the dream’s odd silence.

“Finn?” she said, pushing the blankets back. “Are you okay?”

His shoulders were shaking and his cheeks were wet. “It’s Poe,” he said, swiping angrily at his eyes.

“Go call him,” she said, twisting to grab their bags from the floor. “He’s awake, right?”

For once the livewire that connected her to Jess was muddled and sluggish, but there was still the press of Jess’ mind against her own. She was awake back in the Icebox and relieved to find Rey on the other end.

“Yeah,” said Finn, grabbing his phone. “I'm gonna do that.”

It was only after Finn had closed the bathroom door behind him that she was aware of Luke in the kitchen. She pulled on a sweater and shoved her feet into boots, and by the time she crossed the room Luke had a cup of coffee waiting for her.

“Thanks,” she said, pouring in a lot of milk to mask the taste.

“It’s hard,” said Luke as he pulled eggs and bacon from the fridge, “being away from your co-pilot. How are you holding up?”

“It’s only been a couple days,” she answered. “I’ll be fine.”

He turned back to the stove. “Did you ever find your parents?”

She curled her fingers tight around the mug and let the warmth seep into her skin. “No. They left me there before Reckoner came.”

“I'm sorry to hear that.” The bacon sizzled in the pan. “Our parents, mine and Leia’s, were really bad at it, too. That doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with you.”

“I know. I’ve already gotten this talk three times now.”

Luke smiled, and it made him look oddly boyish and young. “It’s still good to hear it.”

“It is,” she agreed, and took over whisking the eggs. “How is he?” she asked when Finn joined them.

“Better,” Finn answered. “You should talk to Jess.”

She had found a text waiting for her. _Settle a bet I have with Snap. Amidala turned into a crazy hermit, right?_

 _His beard looks like something died on his face,_ she sent back, and then was rewarded with a picture of Jess’ victorious grin and a scowling Snap in the background.

Maz joined them for breakfast, and afterward they spent a couple of hours clearing the road, such as it were, of the snow that built up overnight. It was still coming down, but softer now. She figured it would taper off around sunset. With any luck they should be able to leave in the morning.

Maz, who claimed old joints, had hot tea waiting for them inside as well as their tablets laid out on the table.

“You always did enjoy an ambush,” Luke said wearily. “What did you find?”

She and Finn explained their theory. She expected shock or anger, but Luke just looked tired.

He picked up the tablet displaying the image of Marshal Organa’s neural scan and the strange, twisting patterns found within.

“They couldn’t even let us have this,” he said. “They had to take it from us too.”

“The marshal told us a little of what happened,” she said.

“We never talked about it afterwards,” he said, something hot and ugly burning in his eyes. “They were trying to get in our handshake. Leia was furious. It was her idea to manually override the failsafes.”

“Why the core?” Finn asked.

“We didn’t know what else to do. It was _in_ _our drift._ ”

Rey still felt that moment in the handshake before it all went bad, when it was as bright and warm as the big fires lit in the slums, the wonder of realizing she would never be alone again.

And if something tried to taint it—she shuddered and gripped Finn’s hand.

“We burned every system,” Luke said, “but it worked. We made it out of the Breach, but our handshake was gone. Our neural pathways were too damaged to ever try again.”

“Luke,” said Maz, leaning close to him. “You’ve been gone too long. Go home to Leia.”

“I'm sure you’ve heard the saying,” Luke said, setting the tablet back down. “You can’t go home again.”

Maz’s expression, which had been gentle and kind, hardened. “Finn, Rey, would you please go see to the van? She’s an old lady. I hate to think what this weather is doing to her engine.”

“I don’t think—” said Finn.

“ _Now.”_

Their boots were unlaced and their jackets half on as they stumbled outside. As the door closed behind them Rey heard Maz draw in a deep breath.

The van’s engine rumbled to life, and Rey was thankful for Snap’s hat as they waited for the heat to click on.

“I think Maz might be more frightening than the marshal,” Finn said.

“Well, there is a reason she’s been in business all these years,” Rey answered, sighing at the first rush of heat. “How long do you think we should give them?”

“Judging by that inhale, I’d say at least an hour.” He pulled out his phone. “Play you in cribbage.”

“We really need better apps,” said Rey, but pulled out her own phone and accepted Finn’s invite.

They waited almost ninety minutes to be safe, and when they finally crept back inside it was to see Maz sitting at the table with a teacup at her elbow, self-satisfied.

“Luke has some things to think about,” said Maz. “I found some venison in the freezer. Finn, you’re on potato peeling duty.”

“Oh,” said Finn, “good.”

 

 

 

They went out again to clear away more snow. As Rey predicted the storm was tapering off, the cloud cover already blowing away. Tomorrow was going to be bright and cold.

Dinner was quiet and awkward with Luke at one end and Maz at the other, both aggressively ignoring the other. Finn attempted to make conversation, but gave up after a few minutes, and Rey took their plates to the sink before dragging Finn back to the couch, still made up from the previous night.

“Let them deal with the dishes,” she said.

They checked in with the Icebox. BB had sent them a picture of Jess and Poe, both of them sullenly poking at their own dinner. _Please come back,_ BB wrote underneath. _They’re making the techs sad._

“What do you think?” Finn said as they watched Maz and Luke wash the dishes without making acknowledging the other. “Do we head back tomorrow?”

“We can’t stay much longer,” she said, tucking her cold toes under his thigh. She added, soft, “I miss Jess.”

The unhappy whine had turned into a gnawing pit, and Rey was painfully aware of every mile that separated them. She would be fine if she never set foot in the Falcon again as long as it meant she just had to stretch out her hand to find Jess waiting for her. It was, she was surprised to find, a less terrifying realization than she expected.

“How can he bear it for years?” she said.

“You find a way,” Finn answered. “You did and so did I. We just don’t have to anymore.”

 _Find what you’re looking for,_ Organa said. Rey took in the slope of Luke’s shoulders, the sharp etched lines of his eyes and mouth, and thought that she no longer had to endure it.

 

 

 

That night she dreamed that Lucky Blue held her in its great hands, dragging her down into the sea as above her Jess raged, furious and terrified.

She woke to Finn pulling her close and murmuring, “We have to go, Rey. I don’t care if he doesn’t come back with us. We have to go home.”

It was still dark out, at least another hour before dawn, but it was no surprise to find Luke sitting at the kitchen table, a pot of coffee brewing and three cups set out.

“I told you,” he said, “it doesn’t get easier.”

“Then why have you stayed away?” Finn asked. “I mean, I get why you left. I can’t imagine—” He broke off and swallowed. “I understand wanting to leave, I just don’t get why you stayed gone.”

“My friends were dying,” Luke said slowly, as if each word threatened to crumble on his tongue. “Han was dead. Biggs. Mothma. The kaiju don’t stop. They get bigger and meaner and smarter. I was tired. Leia, though, she never once thought of stepping down, not until we were forced to.”

He stirred his coffee. “Leia always knew her purpose. She never faltered, but I wasn’t sure of mine anymore. I just needed some space to figure it out. I never met to stay away.”

“But then Ben died,” Rey said.

And Luke said, sorrow soaking each word, “And then Ben died. Almost my entire family was dead. I couldn’t stay only to witness the kaiju take my sister, too.”

“You told yourself it was better for you here,” said Rey. “You only had yourself. You didn’t need anyone else.”

 _Show me,_ Jess said, fierce and unwavering. _Show me._

“Yes,” said Luke.

Finn nudged her, glancing pointedly between her and Luke. Finn was better at this than her, but she could take a hint, and so she reached out and placed her hand on top of Luke’s.

“We survived,” she said. “I survived my parents abandoning me, and you made sure I survived Reckoner. But surviving isn’t the same as living. Your sister misses you. You need to make yourself okay and come home.”

Luke chuckled. “You’re speaking from experience, I take it?”

“Literally everyone I know has been telling me that for a week,” she said.

“It does have a nice symmetry to it,” Luke said, sliding his hand out from under hers. “I found you and then you came and found me. Leia does like her ends tied up neatly.”

“Does that mean you’ll come back with us?” Finn asked.

“Yes, but you get to wake up Maz and tell her we’re leaving that terrible van here. We’ll take my truck. It’s better suited to these roads.”

As Luke smiled at Finn’s disgruntled face, Rey texted Jess a simple _I'm coming home._


End file.
